Rise of the Weed Police
[VOICE NARRATOR]: The task force was so successful in their efforts that they replaced all departments of defense. There was no need for soldiers because of the absence of war. There was no need for traffic jam police because of the lack of violent misconducts in traffic.
There was no need for murder-investigators because there were no more murders. There was no need for security because everybody was happy. The task force was later named the Weed-Police.
Their credo was: “Grow hemp, use hemp and be “hempy”
Their success was so well known and well-expected that every young boy or girl wanted to be part of the Weed-Police. The officers were equipped with weapons of mass happiness.
They used special hemp-weapons filled with bullets of marijuana which at impact would result in a zero probability of tissue damage but a hundred percent probability of a marijuana induced person with the full relaxation and harmoniousness effect on community.
As we zoom in on four weed-officers talking about their daily business:
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Jo man, look what I just got: It's the latest handgun WP3000 from Weed & Wesson. It has an more accurate impact-trajectory. So if someone is somewhat aggressive this makes sure he or she will be higher than me.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: Yeah, what's wrong with your old one? You know the WP2000.
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: There is nothing wrong with the WP2000 except that it made me too high. I couldn't explain my use of weed-force. And sometimes I stutter and the person who I just shot starts laughing even more.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: Well. Mission complete, I would say
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Not exactly, because sometimes on a heavy night, I myself have problems getting through the nights. The gun made me high and kept me high.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: So change the caliber and choose a different string of weed what kills violence and keeps energy.
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Easy for you to say but it was impossible to change the caliber. And that's why I choose this one. It can do both.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: Perhaps in the future, you should think about a 3d printer, cause I just draw my ideal gun and then print it.
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Not everybody has rich parents who can buy their son a 3d printer. You know what a 3d printer costs?
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: You don't have to. I can print it for you if you just send a prototype and I'll print it for you. Free of charge for you Paulo”
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Wow, that would be sweet. As soon as I have something completed, I will let you know.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: Jo Paulo, Did you have the chance to test your new wp3000?
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Well to be honest with you. When I woke my dog and my cat started being very aggressive. You know what I am mean. And as a officer of the law I must upheld the law even in my own home.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: So you shot your dog and cat in the morning before coming to work.
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Yes, off course. Violence is not tolerated in my house even from animals. I must set an example even its with a “wake n bake”.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: Jo Kamal, can you please pass the officers-joint?
[WEED OFFICER KAMAL]: Oh pardon me. I lose quite the feeling of time when I hold the officers-joint. It's like a time machine, man. Here you go, it's good man.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: No problem. I know exactly what you mean. But you are awfully quit. Is there something on your mind?
[WEED OFFICER KAMAL]: Well actually, that's funny that you ask me. I was wondering something quite intriguing
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: Well, lets hear it.
[WEED-OFFICER KAMAL]: What if you were king of Japan and had to privilege of changing the name of the country to Japania in order to promote tourism and stimulate the economy. I wonder if this could work in real life. Just like changing the name of Spain into Ispiza to attract more tech-startups to the country.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: Uhhmmm. Let me think about it.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: It could easily work for Japan but for Spain I don't know. Do people really just look at the name of the country and decide of they want to go visit?
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: So we are doing what if's now? Let me give you another what if. What if we didn't need to vote for people and instead constructed a political system where one would be able to vote on subjects on a local, national and international level? What if we used sound money in our trade instead of currency that favors only a small amount of people?
[VOICE NARRATOR]: Suddenly a female voice calls an police code through the mics. “Code 420 on Ferguson street”
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Time to test my new weapon. I can't wait. Let's roll. We take this up another time.
[WEED OFFICER KAMAL]: LET'S BRING THE PEACE
OFFICERS RUN IN SLOWMOTION – BACKGROUND MUSIC – BOB MARLEY – BAD BOYS
[VOICE NARRATOR]: The four officers ran to their hemp-oil driven car mobiles and went to the violent outbreak. on arrival they directly knew what happened. an expensive store where all the famous people get their shoes is having a sale and the women are fighting over some shoes.
The moment has come for officer paulo to test his weapon and launches a couple of shots towards the crowds. suddenly the women stop fighting and are instead helping each other and suggesting that the other should take the last pare shoes.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: I guess it works. Look at them. From violent animals to happy hippies.
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Yes, it works great man. They stopped being violent and I am still sort of sober.
[WEED OFFICER KAMAL]: Not for long. I sense a lit of bit violence with you when calming the crowds. Perhaps it is a good idea to take some hits from this good-job joint.
[VOICE NARRATOR]: Meanwhile Officer Jay is in the middle of the crowd helping some ladies carry some bags because they feel very happy and funny.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: Just relax, ladies. Everything is going to be fine. Just follow me to my colleagues. [KIM]: Such a hansom and friendly officer.
[KELLY]: Tell me about it.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: Nice job fellows.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: Where were you, man. You missed all the action.
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: In-contrarily I haven't missed any action. I was helping out these pretty ladies who were/are a little bit dazed by the weed hence my help.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: Wow, I see. Pretty is an understatement.
[KELLY]: Well, thank you officer. You are not bad yourself.
[WEED OFFICER KAMAL]: Are we ready to roll? Do the ladies need a ride home or something?
[KIM]: But wait, we are missing Mary Jane and Wanda. They went shopping with us. Let me call them or wait I can see them. MJ!!!! Wanda!!! Over here!!!
[KELLY]: Jooohooo Mary Jane!!!! Wanda!!! Here we are.
[VOICE NARRATOR]: The pretty young ladies run to their two girlfriends and greet them as girls greet each other.
[MARY JANE]: Where were you guys? You know I was craving for those beautiful pare of shoes but then I saw a beautiful hummingbird and realized that I have enough shoes. Then I turned around and you two were gone. I only saw Wanda looking like she saw dwarfs.
[WANDA]: What do you mean, to exaggerate things. Why don't you just go and write a novel while you at it. Were there also orks in your story?
[MARY JANE]: Why are you standing here with these gentle officers? Is something wrong?
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Nothing is wrong. Kim and Kelly felt kind of dizzy after the weed-shootings so I offered to help with their stuff.
[WEED OFFICER KAMAL]: If you ladies need a ride, you'd better say so. Because we finished our job here and are about to light a good-job joint up. Care to join us? We can go to a quite place and so I can do a interview about this incident. I need your input to file a report.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: This report could save lives and perhaps even some nice kittens.
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: That is totally correct. It could even save an adorable little puppy.
[MARY JANE]: I love kittens so much. I was wondering of getting one..
[WANDA]: I love puppy's so much. You guys we need to do this.
[WEED OFFICER KAMAL]: Well hop in then.
[VOICE NARRATOR]: The ladies hop in the car of the officers and the officers drive to a quite place next to a lake. Because it was a hot day they went for a swim and invited the ladies to join them. After having some fun in the water they sit next to the water and talking about the events of the day. Officer Jay started hitting it of with Kim and spend a lot of time with her.
[MARY JANE]: I totally didn't expect the day to turn out like this.” While she lights up her after shopping joint
[WEED OFFICER KAMAL]: You mean, getting high with police officers or giving away exclusive shoes.
[MARY JANE]: What shoes?
[WANDA]: I am just getting used at the fact that you guys are now making sure people stay high instead of low. That is so funny. If anyone told me like five years ago that at a certain point in time police would give me free joints and centralize all their solving power around a plant. I would call them crazy. And look at us now.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: Life is full of surprises.
[WEED OFFICER PAULO]: Exactly, my pistol is now full with weed instead of lead and I prefer it this way. It's lighter, more effective and humane
[WEED OFFICER KAMAL]: Back in the days people were full of shit, especially the leaders who sold their constituency out.
[WEED OFFICER JOHN]: But it's also full of meaning. Hadn't they sold the people out? There would be no violence outbreak and without a global violence outbreak, we perhaps would not even know each other. How funny is that?
[WANDA]: You would almost think that someone is creating this reality by his sheer willpower. Does anybody here know about the balance between matter and anti-matter? According to this thesis we shouldn't even be here right now. Don't you guys get the feeling that someone is constantly watching us?
Suddenly everybody looks at the camera for a moment and then weed officer john replies.
[WEED OFFICE JOHN]: Wow, that must be good weed you are smoking. Can you pass that shit because I think you currently had enough.
[VOICE NARRATOR]: They continue having a good time. Meanwhile the group hears something behind the bushes. Out of curiosity and concern they render a look. There they find Officer Jay and Kim making love.
[MARY JANE]: Is this how weed officers set up a file report?” while laughing at her naked girlfriend.
[WANDA]: Well, that escalated quickly.
[VOICE NARRATOR]: The group then leaves the passionate duo alone for a couple of minutes. Suddenly Officer Jay jumps out of the bushes and says the following.
[OFFICER JAY]: Mai o mai. What do I love my job. Is there still some joint circulating?
[OFFICER KAMAL]: Off course there is a joint circulating, don't be silly. You know that weed-availability is matter of national security.
[KIM]: But what about me? Have you forgotten about me?
[WEED OFFICER JAY]: Off course, not. You know it's just you, me and the weed.
IMAGES OF MARKETING PEOPLE AT WORK
[VOICE NARRATOR]: To promote the mandatory marijuana policy even further the brightest minds of advertising came together and launched a new social media challenge. They called it the high-fie-challenge; one must take a picture of oneself and a mature hemp plant. The high-fie was so successful that within a couple of weeks everybody was taking highfies. It surpassed the success of the ice-bucket challenge. First growers, then rappers, then hipsters, bikers, politicians, single parents, followed by the elderly. The success of the high-fie helped the hemp plant integrate in normal households.
Surprised by the success of the high-fie-challenge, marketers started developing new forms of advertising to sell their products. Billboards with text “Get a mortgage with a discount interest. Call your banker now” got replaced with “If you don’t smoke Tasty Bud, you will never meet a nice Stud”.
[ADVERTISING MAN FIGURE PRESENTING JOINT]: If you want some happy dayz, try our a special haze
[VOICE NARRATOR]: Commercials started changing to adjust to it’s new customers. A commercial on TV goes as follows:
TWO GIRLS TALKING ABOUT THEIR PLANS IN THE WEEKEND.
[LISA]: So what are you going to do in the weekend? Any plans?
[EMILY]: I don’t know. Last weekend was wild. I think I’m just gonna chill this weekend
[LISA]: You wanna come by. I’ll make some drinks.
[EMILY]: I don’t feel like drinking this weekend. I have seen enough alcohol for a while. It’s so superficial. [LISA]: Oh wait a minute. I know what U need. You need some social depth. You need some weekend-weed.
[EMILY]: That is a good idea. Actually I was considering getting high before going to the market, get some fruit and vegetables. Make some tasty dishes, watch some nice movies and perhaps have deep conversations about life. I could make some nice herb tea and my weekend is perfect. Off course you are more than welcome.
[LISA]: That sounds very appealing. You know what: Fuck the drinks. I wanna get high with you this weekend.
JAMAICAN SALESMAN ON TV
[VOICE NARRATOR]: Suddenly a Jamaican salesman appears on the TV-screen stating:” If you want a high weekend this weekend just stop by our local High Shop on fifth and Avenue. We got the best weekend weed for the best prices. So stop by and get your weekend weed for the best prices. We have a special offer on special haze, an ounce for just 50 credits. So come and enjoy some of the best weed on the market. We also have some good coffee, healthy cookies, nuts and friendly personnel. Have a high weekend. Peace.”
Governments started to stimulate their citizen to buy and own a weed-farm. Banks started making crazy low- interest-mortgages for weed farms. You could even see queries from governments requiring their citizens to report any non-weed-friendly citizens, they might happen to know.
IMAGES OF REPRESENTATIVES OF EU
[VOICE NARRATOR]: The effect of a mandatory hemp policy was undeniable. It changed the structure of control, hatred, commercialism and fearing thy neighbor-mentality into a free, loving, sharing and fun loving community.
Formal meetings from representatives all over the world started to making less and less sense. The representatives were often confused and euphoric. Little did they know that the THC-particles in the air reacted with the alcohol-beverages they drank.
IMAGES OF DRUNK REPRESENTATIVES EU
There was no police brutality only police affection. Grumpy people were sometimes shot in the ass for not greeting or not being happy. And sometimes hemp lovers were looking for an extra high and dared the police to shoot them high or give them some joint leaving them high and non-violent.
The weed police had special officers offering cultivators help in yielding the most out of the cannabis plants and ways to use it, industrially, therapeutically, medicinally or just for fun.
The weed police had also officers who were trained to hunt for zombies. The officers had dreadlocks which carried a immense scent of hemp. Equipped with 50 grams of weed, two weed-guns, 10 prerolled joints, 5 lighters, flashlight, sunglasses, nuts, chocolate, one bottle of water and one bottle of grapefruit-juice they filled all the prisons.
THE ZOMBIE HUNTERS
[VOICE NARRATOR]: After that, they start to fill empty stadiums, schools and other buildings. To keep them all happy and sedated they got every day kilo's and kilo's hemp to smoke and eat.
The officers were a natural bait for the zombies, thanks to their dreadlocks. Where ever they went they left a scent behind which lured the zombies out their hiding places. The scent made sure the zombies approached the officers in an relaxed manner. The officer would then offer the zombie a joint and escort him or her into the van to join the others.
HOUSING PROBLEM ZOMBIES
However the success of the zombie-hunters would result in a housing-problem for the zombies. Riots started to appear despite a fully controlled hemp diet. Some zombies were often complaining that they didn't have enough space and privacy, others about the same food and weed everyday and the lack of perspective in life.
TWO ZOMBIES SMOKING AND TALKING
FIRST ZOMBIE: How can we live like this? This ain't no living.
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: There is no honor living like this. They think somehow that we are dead and not aware of our own existence. But the weed makes us aware.
FIRST ZOMBIE: And conscientiousness is life. We need to let them know that we are alive despite being dead.”
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: That is gonna be a hard job. Some of the humans who are alive, are often unaware and thus dead despite being alive.
FIRST ZOMBIE: We need to break out and storm the police-stations and let them know that we want to live free. In a manner that see us fit.
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: Exactly. Just look at me. I urgently need a shower, hair-make-over, some plastic surgery, an plastic and something to cover my lungs.
FIRST ZOMBIE:As soon as we break out, you can do your healthcare thing if you want to. I always say if it ain't broken don't fix it.
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: But it is, just look. When I take a toke my lungs swell-ow but can you see them holes? A little of air just escapes, just like a old bicycle-tire. I need some kind of bandage to cover it.
FIRST ZOMBIE: Here, let me help with that. Here, you got some skin. Let me spit on it make it stick. And tadaa. Take a hit. Let's test your lungs.
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: Vvvvvvt. I see no smoke coming out, now. But I don't think it's going to hold. Aaa forget about it.
FIRST ZOMBIE: Maybe it's a good thing that you get that looked at by an professional. But let us focus on our main goal: Our Freedom. FREEEEEEDOM
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: I'm filling ya, man. We don't belong here. We did not deserve this. Is it a crime to get sick?
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: Is it a crime to want to be free?
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: Is it a crime to travel and see the world?
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: Can they hold us in this cage against our will, now we are aware?
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: So what do we want?
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: When do we want it?
[SECOND ZOMBIE]: Well, what are you waiting for?
BACKGROUND MUSIC – PHARREL WILLIAMS – FREEDOM
[VOICE NARRATOR]: After that motivational speech the zombies started breaking down the doors. Security was not that heavy because they considered an escape highly unlikely.
They got the doors of the stadium open and the zombies ran like they never ran before towards the police-stations to make their escape and freedom official. Streets filled with zombies declaring freedom and independence.
Singing and dancing zombies everywhere. Police-officers started to take notice of the zombies who were holding a smoke-in in front of the building.
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