All I wanted was to escape from this madness I had grown accustomed to. This madness that is my life. The attention was too much ,expectations ,too high... And the pressure was too much, it was beyond what I could weigh.
The media wanted "the flashy sweetheart", my fans wanted a perfect me ,when in reality ,there isn't such a thing as " perfection ". Needs and demands from everywhere. Everyone heaped their problems on me. I couldn't blame them ,I had to make it seem like I was happy. I just had to sit and look pretty
As a young entertainer ,the world feels u have it easy once you attain fame. But in truth ,I had my own problems ,my own demons to deal with. Everything was going on at the same time ,I just needed to pause and breathe. I couldn't even find the courage to say no. I felt I would let people down and be hated ,but then what about me
I started with drinking ,from shots to bottles, just so I could forget...it wasn't working .I would party all night ,awake with a serious hangover by morning.it still dint work. Justin my manager introduced me to a "better stuff". He called it " the rock". Crack cocaine is the real name.
I burned some and honestly it felt good...everything went away... The demons ,issues, demands all went away. Justin supplied more. Before concerts and shows ,I burn some for confidence. I felt like I could conquer the earth. But you see termites eat up wood slowly ,and if left alone ,they would finish the entire tree
That was what my new friends where doing to me .I forgot my worries and responsibilities. I became very unconcerned and reluctant to things. My bilks kept pilling up.. I got addicted to crack and lost my focus. I stopped eating ,sold a lot of valuables
My manager left me saying I lost my focus ,my so called friends left me...I lost everything, my house ,car ,career and most importantly ,myself. I no longer had fans
The media said I am just another one album wonder and its all I could ever be. I was back to being alone. Its quite funny. I tried to run away from reality through drugs but reality ran away from me.
Cocaine is one hell of a drug.
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