Fascinating. I am more commonly told that my writing is too detail oriented. I omitted a scene where he spends all day following a beetle around because it was unnecessary to the narrative, and because of comments like that.
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I can't say for sure if it was unnecessary or not, I didn't read it. If following the beetle around revealed important plot or character details important to the story, then it should be in the story. Of course detail has to be relevant. I try to be judicious in my description. Characters focus on different aspects of a scene, they notice different things, and it can be a great way to showcase their personality.
It communicated something about Connor, but which had already been communicated. The intent in reinforcing those things excessively was, itself, to express the monotony of his existence.
I'm delighted to have someone with your chops reading my work. I think any author would feel privileged to have someone like you reading and analyzing their stuff. I will be on the edge of my seat, balancing on my bony ass, eagerly awaiting your final thoughts when you finish reading.
Sorry I haven't responded to this in a bit. I'm on chapter 6 right now.
I think one of the things you do well is tap into ordinary fears and feelings extrapolate them into the fantastic. You're like me in the way you primarily understand the emotion of loneliness and the way it effects people. The best writers know how to tap into those universal emotions to connect people on a visceral, emotional level to their fiction.
I'm on chapter 6 and I still don't quite understand what this story is about. I know it's somehow about the relationship between the floorboard man and the ceiling girl, and this strange world they're in which seems to be divided into freaks and perfects. There's a lot of mysteries, and I'm wondering if they'll be resolved, but even with the mysteries your story should have a laser-like focus. Everything you write, every sentence, should be able to be connected back to the main theme.
So I think there should be more detail, but also each detail needs to serve the main narrative. If you're going to describe the color of a building, for example, that color needs to be significant in some way. Overall I see a lot of potential in your ideas and characters - it just needs some fine tuning.
This is just my opinion, of course, so don't take it as gospel. Write in the way that feels true to you always.
You don't work for me, and reading my stuff isn't your job. It's a pleasure, I hope. So do it at your own leisure.
I suspect it will come together for you by the end.