Enough Already
The gold star
The best drawing in the class
The A+s
The high points in the Leaving Cert
The first class honours degree
They were not enough
The arm candy
The vintage on sale dress
The seminal gig under the purple sky in the misty rain
The double rum, and another, and another
The extra chemical dab, another half a pill
They were not enough
The keys to my business
The likes and comments
The admiration of strangers
The gossamer dream of success
The masks of freedom and autonomy
They were not enough
The willing strangers
The lonely messages posing as titillation
The notches
The ticks on the shallow list
Their beauty as props for my ego
They were not enough
The unconditional love and support
The freedom
The unrelenting truth
The window into what is possible
The daily choice of participating
Crazily and shamefully they are not enough
My failure in sweat and frustration
My skin that is scarred and uncompromising
My body in it’s various shapes that it wants to expand or contract to
My choices made while afraid but not in fear
My words said through smiles, tears, kisses, and gritted teeth
They are enough, for they are mine.
Enough is not out there, it’s not in an achievement, it cannot be found in a bank balance, a smaller dress size, wilder sex, and more stuff. It’s not in your past youth, it’s certainly not in your future if all you’re do is hoarding hopes of happiness.
Enough is right now.
Enough already, I’m done chasing my own disappointment disguised as expectations.
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(All images are created by me)
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