Whole30, Day 20, Sunday 1/21/2017
This is a story about a piece of French toast. It made me think.
This is day 20 of my month of clean eating on the Whole30. A month eating none of what is generally considered to be the fun stuff: sugar, alcohol, dairy, grains and baked goods, and some other stuff. I'll write a post on Day 30 about all the benefits I've seen. For now, just know it has worked well for me, weight loss, better sleep, happy body, happy happy.
Then came the French toast, butter and maple syrup
This is not what you are thinking. If you're thinking I'm writing a confession about "cheating" on my diet, I'm not. I'm not interested in perfection. I don't expect it from myself, adorable wastrel that I am, and certainly not from others. I'm more interested in that piece of French toast.
So here's what happened
I had a great week on the Whole30, a few things tempted me, but I was a rock. The more benefits I get from this thing the easier it is to stick with it. Yesterday morning, before anyone else got up, I made eggs for my husband and me. We ate, he dashed off to a morning dental appointment, and then the rest of the house got up. Please note, I had already eaten breakfast. This was not about being hungry.
My 18 year old daughter loves to cook and loves to eat. She also loves to have people love her cooking. And since she generally cooks with most of the things I am not eating this month, my doing the Whole30 has been a little challenging for her. She and I have talked. She is trying to stop pushing me to have just a little bit of this or that. She is trying to be supportive.
Just one bite
After my husband left, my daughter made French Toast for the rest of the household, her brother and their dad who is staying with us for a while. I sat with them to drink coffee and chat. My daughter asked if I would have just one bite of the French toast. I said no thank you--giving her a maternal look in reference to our prior conversation. She looked disappointed, but let it go. I stuck to my guns for about half an hour as she proudly brought one batch of French toast to the table, then another. In the end, I had a piece of French toast, with butter and syrup, no part of which is allowed on the Whole30 plan.
It was just a piece of French toast, no one died
I'm not that worried about the French toast. What is interesting to me about this whole thing is the Why. I wasn't hungry, and I don't like sweets for breakfast much anyway. So why did I have the French toast? At 18, despite what she thinks, my daughter is still a kid and has a lot of growing up to do. Is she just wanting me to validate her choices by making the same ones myself? I'm her mom, so that throws a dancing squirrel monkey into the works here, but yes, I think that is some of what is going on here, a request for validation. The subtext is, "Eat what I am eating, or you will ruin it for me with perceived judgement or lack of validation."
But that is not the whole story
.....because full-grown folk do it to, a little pushing to get me to eat what they are eating, a little disappointment when I don't. With adults, it isn't a recurring mini-struggle as it is with my daughter. With friends, it happens just the once, the first time they find out I am not eating the fun stuff this month. At a potluck with friends or a group lunch at work, when they offer me food and I say no thank you, if they push a little and I say why I am declining, there is this little perceptible zap of disappointment from them.
I used to think the zap was just disappointment over lack of personal validation, but I think there is a social component to it too. We are primates. Primates are social. Eating is social. When you don't eat what the tribe is eating you create a little rift. Gluten free, dairy free, soy free, vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, paleo, or Whole30, whatever diet you are rocking my friend, you are creating little rips in the social fabric. Or, at a minimum, little missed opportunities for bonding with your fellow primates.
So, what do you do? If you have special dietary requirements, whether dictated by your health, or your conscience, what do you do if your diet dictates you not eat what other people are eating? Especially when it is a choice. I don't know about you, but I think people with celiac disease or peanut allergies (both potentially lethal) are forgiven more readily and completely than those of us who are just being a pain in the ass.
I don't think anyone needs to apologize for their food choices. We should all eat what we want and thank the universe if we are lucky enough to be able to do so. But if we aren't eating what the tribe is eating, maybe reach out a little more to our fellow monkeys. Find other ways to bond. There are few social bonding rituals as deeply rooted as breaking bread together, but take it on as a personal to-do. The social fabric is worth preserving.
So, I think I had that French toast yesterday because after almost 20 days of little zaps of disappointment from the other monkeys in my barrel, I was just tired of it. I wanted to be part of the gang and bond over a shared meal. It is a basic human need to bond. My challenge is to figure out how to do that without maple syrup and butter in future.
What I ate yesterday:
Breakfast: Eggs, a piece of delicious French toast, coffee
Lunch: Berry banana bowl, almond milk
Dinner: Salad, ground beef, apple
Snack: Walnuts, almond milk
pixabay images
I totally know the feeling! I don't like calling myself vegan because I'm not perfect and it's extremely difficult to change overnight. So basically vegetarian who had a bite of the rest of the families Filet Mignon on Friday night. Tribalism and community indeed.
It gets so tangled, doesn't it. Especially when family is involved. I find the more arrived a person is, the more elevated their soul, the softer and gentler the little zap of disappointment is. Blessings on those from whom there is almost none. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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STOPLove your writing, it's very engaging and extremely well constructed. Have you ever written any fiction?
Best of luck with this lifestyle change. I'm looking forward to seeing more from you.
Thanks Mark. Interesting question about fiction. My sister @jayna is going to town with fiction here on steemit. She is currently participating in #writeclub and really bringing her fiction writing to the next level. My passion is Creative Non-fiction. I love it when an author tells a story from their personal experience, possibly adding or subtracting in subtle ways to mold the narrative. Crafting the story, much as fiction writers do. I have tried fiction in the past, and may try again some day, but I'm going to stick with this Creative Non-fiction thing for a while and see where it takes me. Thanks so much for reading.
Thanks for the mention! Would you like your payment in cash or SBD? 🤣
SBD of course!
Looks like you did OK with this post ;) Hope to see @jayna doing some great work too. Curie is always on the look-out for good, talented authors like yourselves. I'll keep an eye on what she gets up to. :)
Thank you very much, @markangeltrueman. I ❤️ @curie!
More so in the Philippines. People here bond over food. Declining is usually unacceptable behavior. Really quite a challenge. You deserve a cheat meal. Hope you get through your 30 days and beyond!
I see the thing from both sides. I want people (like me, like everyone) to be able to choose what works best for their body, but I see the need for bonding and social connection, and as you note, culture and tradition as well. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Thanks you for sharing your story as well!
Oh how I love you, adorable wastrel! You delight me and make me laugh. Also, I kid you not, I had my first fall-off-the-freaking-wagon yesterday. Yes! You heard that right! We both tumbled off into the shrubbery like loose pumpkins on the very same day! Someone needs to write a doctoral thesis on the percentage of people who just can’t hold it together on day 20 of a restrictive diet.
For me it was a slice of creamy fresh brie. I was making a toasted French bread sandwich for my son with brie and ham. I had maintained strict control for all those days leading up to that moment in time when I snapped. I had been to multiple parties where wine and a multitude of delicious things were served and had remained stolid. And then, as I sliced that brie, the little devil on my shoulder said “Imma gonna eat that.” And in it went. Chomp chomp swallow gone! And I felt no guilt, for some reason. I was like, “alrighty then, back to our regularly scheduled program. Nothing to see here, folks.”
I love your commentary about primate bonding, the powerful social aspects of food, and the wonderful suggestion to address that head on and fill the little gap formed by being a PITA about your food choices. I think we (collective we; those who are differently-fed) can very easily make the mistake of not acknowledging that aspect of things, and those little tensions and little hurts, unacknowledged, make it harder to remain true to your plan.
Really? The same day? That is really wild! Like you, I was immediately back to regularly scheduled programming. Like I said, no one died. Perfectionism is the enemy.....but of course I would say that as the dietary fallen angel that I am. Thanks for reading and commenting honey. Last 10 days here we come!!
Yes! 9.5 by my calculations. And then what? We get to add back in just one thing? I will have to choose between wine and beans. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha......,
I have to finish the book It Starts with Food so I know what to do next!
Hey there human.
My Master (@markangeltrueman) sent me over to view your article as he said it was good. I agree, the writing is excellent, however the subject is of no interest to me of course; I am a part synthetic and part mechanical humanoid and therefore require no sustenance.
Anyway, I have re-steemed this on the @steemsearch blog as it is awesome. Well done!!
Great story. This is in fact the first story I've read on Steemit. I went looking for interesting title that were away from the norm. I used to be a cleansing and detox coach and I love walking people through the night of the dark soul - simply by having them eliminate curtain comfort foods. It's also a powerful thing having times where we are NOT controlled by our cravings. Thanks for posting!
I'm honored to have been the first post you read on Steemit! Welcome. I'm pretty new here too. I love this community and its potential. Thank you for reading and commenting.
Cool - thanks for getting back to you. I'm going to up post your story once I figure out how to do it. But, of course I don't carry much influence, yet.
Resteem it? Thanks so much! It's the little arrow to the left of Reply that turns back on itself, at the bottom of the piece before the comments start. You are very kind. I appreciate the support.
Wow, your post has done really well. That's inspiring. Yes, I did find the resteemit button.
That's actually the best I've done on a post so far. I've been on since June but only started writing actively this month. I just asked my husband who has been on much longer than I have (April, and active since then). His highest is also about $100, but it was back when the price of Steem was lower so he made less. It is interesting how much it can vary.