I had time without reading a chapter so sad I think since the death of hate, it does not make you feel so sad and notice that in you is very difficult because of your way of being, according to your heart that emotion can not be expressed and less in front of some people, but since it was madeline and Lars it was easier for you to express all your sadness, helper is not any person or robot she "Miss helper" or "your Miss helper", it is your love, your everything it all for you, I hope that with time you can assimilate what happened to him.
I wish you strength ...