Is It Okay To Be Personal?
I was afraid of sharing details from my personal life when I first joined Steemit. It wasn't until several months in I finally took the "leap of faith" and started to share some minor things. To be personal but not too personal is extremely important when it comes to sales for instance.
It's not about being manipulative, it's about persuasion skills and to be down to earth. You're working against time and you have only a few seconds to get the client to trust you. You include their family members in one way or another, or tell them a story about something so they can imagine how cool it would be to have the product they're about to buy. It comes down to having an ace up your sleeve.
The better hand you have, the easier it gets to close the deal. Scammers and fraudsters are often using some of these tricks too. They're trying to manipulate you. They are working with, for and on your feelings. They talk about how sick they are or other sob stories so you feel sympathy. These people have developed and fine-tuned these skills to get what they want or need... And truth to be told, most of us are doing that to some extent.
However, most of us are not doing it in an attempt to get money or shelter. Most of us are doing it because it feels good when people show some form of empathy and when others care. Remember that it's a huge difference between sympathy and empathy.
Anyhow, it took me several months to share things from my personal life with Steemians. I've never really showed that I'm a vulnerable person. Tears and emotions could easily be treated or prevented with drinks, laughs and by doing other things. I was strong. I had to be strong... Because I was afraid what others would think.
I have never been bullied or anything like that, but I have seen, even on Steemit, that some people are getting picked on or bullied because they express their feelings. They tell you what they feel and some people have immediately started to flag and write disgusting and horrible comments. Some people started to dedicate themselves so much with these nasty things so they literally ruined another persons life.
So even if I wanted to share some personal things, I was afraid, because I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself. I don't have the Steem Power to fight back and truth to be told, if people would start to write awful things about my father or how lame I am due to my mental illness, I'd probably leave Steemit. No matter how much I earned. I know there are trolls literally everywhere and I could probably handle one or two of them, but I'd be too afraid to express my feelings ever again on this platform if dolphins or whales started to attack me. I would leave in an instant.
I have seen this behaviour. Right here. On Steemit. And it was a huge obstacle to overcome. I wanted to express myself, I wanted to share certain things because it makes me feel better, but I was and still is, to some extent, to afraid to do it...
Other obstacles to overcome is my writing skills in general, but also the fact that I'm not native in English. It would obviously be easier for me to write in Swedish, but this is an international platform. The native tongue on Steemit is English, so whenever I want to express myself, I'll need to do it in English. This obviously gets tricky, but I'm okay with grammar mistakes and spelling errors as long as I don't express my "inner feelings" so to speak.
With this in mind...
How personal are we allowed to be, before our readers starts to ignore the things we share? How personal can we be before our readers think it's embarassing and how much can we share without facing risks of personal attacks?
I feel more secure today than I did when I joined Steemit. I have grown. I have more knowledge and experience nowadays. I am in a better position to defend myself, my feelings or my actions if I had to do it... But I still lack Steem Power for instance, so I'd never be able to defend myself if I ever became the victim of a flagwar.
I shared something a few hours ago, before I went to bed. I shared what I feel... And this is why I started to think about these things I've mentioned in this article. You can find it here, but I'll also include it below:
I'm not a lyrical-genius or a rapper in any way and I've never shared something like this before... But I thought that I'd try to share a little something about what I feel. This was written in Swedish so I had to translate and change things.
Imagine the lyrics on a beat like this:
Panic, attacks and sorrow...
I wonder if I wake up, tomorrow?
I'm no artist, my lyrics suck, I still do this? - Fuck.
Tears rolling' down my cheeks, not my proudest moment, but I'm my own worst opponent.
My father, my role model, he was there when I started (to) toddle.
I wobble and tremble, but I'll still assemble, pick up myself,-before I burst to tears. Ouch my ears, all the pain and fears.
Paralyzed with open eye(s), anxiety grows inside of me, scared to cry.
Panic, attacks and sorrow...
I wonder if there's a tomorrow?
I'm trying to smile, with teeths like a crocodile.
It's a form of denial, an act of thoughness. Bluffness.
I'm afraid of living and afraid of dying, I won't tell you otherwise, cuz that's lying. I can't control it, can't understand it. I'm no Pennywise, but I feel like I'm clowning. Drowning.
Still laughs in public but crying when alone, AI, please give me a clone.
Without heart and feeling(s), to stop the bleeding(s).*
I beg of you, put a smile on my face, this is like a never ending race.
My panic, attacks and sorrow makes me afraid of tomorrow.
I can totally understand that some people might not see this as personal, and we're all different so we can't relate to everything we read or see... But would this be considered to be "too much"? - Would that be "too personal" or not?
At the end of the day, I guess it depends on what you share and how the audience will react to it... You can't control other peoples actions, and you can definitely not foresee them... So the best bet we've got, is to share and hope for the best.
I share your thoughts about the flagging bulls&>t. I have lost followers for things I have written about myself, such as needing to power down to help with my bills. I had about 1200SP and I just got it back to over 300. It would be more if I posted more, but, I was afraid of repercussions for telling the truth about myself.
I don't make a lot of money and I have been houseless for almost the whole time I have been on Steemit. I don't ask anyone for anything, but, I worry that people think I want something from them. I do, I want a listening ear and some empathy sometimes, that's all.
I try to make only positive posts, but, life is not always a positive thing. I have recently come to the conclusion that I just don't care anymore. I will blog my life, happy or sad and people can like it or not. If I get flagged, I will appeal to the community for fairness. If I dont get it, I will power down completely and put the money in a different social media platform, there are more than a dozen now.
I was informed when I joined that flagging was for plagiarism and spamming, not for hurting people. Some Steemians with a lot of SP think they can troll with no consequences, but if they are the only people left on the platform, then they can troll each other into oblivion for all I care.
Although I love this place for all of the good people I have met and for the fact that powering down literally saved my family, I hate the aspect of people being able to hurt you for being real.
Since there are so many policing groups on Steemit, why don't we have a flag police? If you flag someone, they look into it and if you had no good reason to flag, they flag you til it does 10x the damage you inflicted with your trolling. Checks and balances are needed.
Either way, if you get flagged for being vulnerable, I will have your back. I am sure I'm not alone in that sentiment.
As one that is highly active in anti-abuse groups, I can see how something like this could be helpful. I will caveat by stating that those that understand the purpose and utility of flags also are subject to many vindictive counter flags by scammers. It happens. Still yet, there is a place for good flags in the ecosystem, I dare say, even good flag wars.
Take what happened with Haejin. He used to be incredibly selfish with his stake and the community, led by the example of good whales like witness @fulltimegeek, engaged in prolonged campaign to address this. Now we can readily observe the change in his voting behavior. Down to 68% Self Vote CSI on Steemworld. (I haven't checked out Rancho, tho)
With the reduction of spam due to HF 20, we now are able to tackle different forms of abuse. I think our next ambition will be to take down abuse caused by irresponsible botting such is the case with @emperorofnaps I found recently. Anyways, I think the flag police is a good idea. We have our mods at @steemflagrewards review flags and another thing is we make it abundantly clear why we flag via our categorization system. It's quite novel I will say. We are also open source. I try to be a good ambassador for flagging when I can so thought I should mention it.
As for people unfollowing because you were powering down, well that's messed up. I think following a person should be about their content and showing support. Yes, it's great when our friends power up and can hook it up with some nice upvotes but sometimes folks need to eat so I understand if my friends power down.
Great and thoughtful comment!
This is so much bullshit, and even though I can't remember that it have happened to me, I've seen it elsewhere too. They usually justify that with: "You don't invest" or something like that. That's why I've been open about my power downs. I've told people about my situation and that I need to power down or whatever... And it seems like my audience have been okay with that, which I'm very thankful for.
Been there, done that. Life's a bitch sometimes, and if it makes me feel better to talk about it. I figured that my audience should support me in that decision. My audience have always treated me okay... But I've seen pretty nasty things happen for other Steemians. And that's a scary sight.
I'm honored and I appreciate the support and the kind words.
Also, I wish you great success and I hope you'll be able to solve the house-situation.
Thanks, my dream is to be a world traveler with a completely online income. I really want my kids to learn firsthand that the world isn't as scary as the government wants you to believe. I think that is why being displaced isn't a big issue for me. I was just reading an article about travel by @luzcypher that really touched on my feelings.
I find it really upsetting that there are people who bully people because they express their feelings. You should be able to share whatever you want. There are no limits to what personal stuff you share.
Or at least there shouldn't be.
I guess the comments section is open for people to contribute, but why contribute if you are going to be nasty?
I suppose there are many people from many different cultures on here, and some are not comfortable with discussing "tabou" subjects such as mental illness, etc. Perhaps it is that.
But, seriously, if ever you feel attacked on here for expressing how you feel, or about your mental health issues or anything else, come and find me. I'll support you and I know there are others who will too.
I admire your strength and bravery in posting this my friend.
Posted using Partiko Android
I can't remember ever being treated badly myself, but I've seen several others who've been bullied to oblivion more or less.
One of the reasons I've started to "open up" more and share things from my personal life, is due to the fantastic support I have on here, but also due to the fact that I've grown as a person. I have more knowledge about certain things today and I'm not ashamed of the mental illness I suffer from, even though I hate it... But everyone don't have the same support as me.
Thank you for the awesome comment!
For me this whole thing is rather simple. You can be as personal as you like, the profile and thus the blog is yours. By the time i got in Steemit the number 1 thing that made me stay was the community.
I never saw in comments of a quality post someone to insult someone else like you will see in any other social media. Instead they tried to help. I can guarantee then that nobody will insult you either if you write and you have written some of your personal things,struggles, issues,thoughts (name it as you wish).
On the other hand i am talking only for myself here if someone all day long makes posts about his personal issues and nothing more, craving attention from the others then i will unfollow him. I think by now i can pretty much understand who does it to express his feelings and let it one
or seek advice and who wants the attention and money from the others.
As for the embarrassment i don't think anybody will tell you anything like that expect if you say that you stole money from a little kid :P
I can totally understand your point. I wouldn't follow a person who only talks about his problems or troubles either. It's tiresome and even though I love to help and support others, I can't really be a public psychologist. However, I'm old enough to understand that life is a bitch for most people at some point in life, so I have no problem with people talking about their issues and concerns, as long as it doesn't become a 24/7, never ending shitshow. In fact, I encourage people to ventilate and talk about these things, because I'm genuinely interested and I strive to learn and get more knowledge.
Well... Kids don't really need money, right? :P
hahaha true true !
I know a bit about your 'personal' side and love the lyrics you wrote here! Poetry, song lyrics, music, art, creative writing ... it's all here on steemit, and it's all based on something personal. I don't think there's anything "too personal" for people to share ... if they want to, and if it's completely genuine. I seem to connect with people better if they are a bit personal; I don't of course need all the gory details haha, but when online, it's the "personal" that tends to make us more human :)
Wow, I typed personal a lot there, didn't I? haha
Personal is the word of today. :)
I totally agree with you on this one. I don't want people to tell every little secret about themselves and I wouldn't have the energy to listen to someone who rambles on for 24/7 about how miserable they are. But I love a mix of that with other things.
Right! Not like your weird Discord/masturbation conversation hahaha That one still kills me :)
Hahaha, yeah... That was insane. :D
Don't know a part of me likes talking about myself and a part of me doesn't. I prefer people that want to know me further to at least make the effort
So you think its up to others if they want to know something about you, and not up to you to share these things before they even asked?
I can relate to that, especially in real life where we talk to people face to face. I would never start a conversation with:
That's a recipe for a one-way ticket to a mental institution.
Like you I was hesitant to share anything personal in the first place. I began to be more open when I find the community here is quite supportive. Just I few days ago I shared my worries about my autistic son's future.
Posted using Partiko Android
The community means a great deal. If you feel and believe that you have real, genuine support, it's definitely easier to open up and talk about issues and concerns.
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Life's too short to worry about what some random person is going to flag. I've been at the recieving end of loads of flags. It's annoying, but I carry on as I enjoy interacting with all the great people that use this platform.
Be you. Embrace it. All of it
hi