Falling Too In

That morning I woke up from my dream, but not as usual in my heart arises a concern. Like something is blocking. Yes, my first day in a new school. I could not imagine how it would be there. Am I able to adapt? I know this is not something I should worry about.
"We have a new student, his name is Risa. Find an empty seat yes Risa. "The teacher's mother invited me to sit down. As I searched through the class, a glimpse of new people appeared. But there are some people I already know that is my best friend. They live around my house. I knew them a year ago when I just moved home. Among them there are Nuria, Nirma, Ardi, and Irza.

After a while, it's a little easier for me. Because some people are friendly to me and some are not. I include my beloved master's pupils. Maybe that's why some people do not like me. I always sit with my friend Ardi. Can not help ya want to, it's all because he is a rather naughty student. So my class guardian suggested I sit with him. He said there was hope he would change if I sat with him. But he was a smart and cool person with his stupid attitude. She's a little annoying but she's cute. I'm glad to see him laugh because he's so cute with his head.

At first I complained not being able to sit with him, he was always noisy if KBM started. Who is not upset? He always asks me to joke. I love being able to joke with my friends. But I do not want to miss the lesson just because of it. So I often scolded him. I was even more irritated if he scolded me back, because it made a bit of a fuss that provoked the teacher's view toward us. But, after a while I get used to it and he's also a little more calm the more days. Maybe he felt bad about me if I was scorned by the teacher for it.

Usually I'm far away from the bench with him. But the more days our seats are getting closer together. I do not know, he then glared at me as if he asked why our seats so this meeting? I think he'll nag it ehh it's just plain as a smile is not clear like a crazy person. Sok cute huh? Yes, emang he cute. But at that time I slipped down even bales her smile. A thin line at the end of an unusual lip like that. My feelings went crazy because it was a strange smile. I just saw him smile like that. What's wrong with her? There seems to be something wrong.

Time keeps changing, it's graduation day. My best friend and I got the top five. I'm not surprised because we always work together when the exam. We went to the same school, the school was very luxurious aka mepet sawah. Yes like that. Worse than the five of us, I'm a different class alone. I do not understand. I do not think it's fair. But how else? I vent my annoyance to my best friend. I cried a lot. But they do not scold me back because they understand how I feel about classroom separation with them.

Suddenly a few students came in the direction we were informed that Ardi got the vote with the most votes and became the next OSIS chairman. My sense of death disappeared because I marveled to be happy with my friend's victory. But this should be investigated, I've already told you not if he was a naughty student? Can not imagine if he could be the head of OSIS? It seems that the vote she's all women. Could be it's all because of the look that made the women crazy. Is that too much? Well even though it is in fact his head of the OSIS.

That's enough. I'll start the real story. It did not take me long. Yes, he is Ardi. Whether this is limited to the feelings of fellow friends or whether there is love that arises. I do not understand because I'm still unstable. Either when the feeling came up. I just keep it in my heart because I'm afraid if he finds out he will avoid me and our friendship will not go well. I go through my usual days. Although I'm different class but we keep playing together. Until one day Ardi expressed his feelings to me, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I do not believe. My heart is screwed up, I'm silent as if I can not answer anything, this is something like I expected. With a heart pounding I accepted it and we invented it.

We're in a relationship like most people dating. Difficult, happy, sad, and happy together. Until that day everything began to change when he was in a fight with his classmate named Gina. They always quarreled, even the small things they make. As if it were a tradition in their class. No day noiseless from their mouths. I know Gina, she is one of the most beautiful women in my school. Not a few who dubbed him as a princess.

I think it's too much. Is it because I envy her? Yes you can say that. It is very uncomfortable to see them clashing harsh words. But I can not do anything. Seeing them argue my heart felt uneasy. There may be jealousy because their argument is like a fight that gets them closer. I do not know what, obviously it's something that nightmare to me.

Ardi's attitude changed daily, my jealousy caused suspicion. I should not have doubted Ardi. My suspicions grew more and more. At first I arrested him, but this time I could not stand still. I felt I had to do something to prove that my suspicions were wrong and my heart became more calm. But hope that Ardi may not cheat it all vanished after I opened Ardi's facebook account. I did know about her account because she was the one who told me before. There I just opened his inbox aja. My heart felt broken when I read the chat with Gina. My worries were true. They have been close since Ardi began to move away from me.

Yes Ardi initially refused to chat with Gina with her share she did not want me to hurt. But the longer Ardi instead chat with Gina. In fact, sometimes he started chat first. I never forbid him to be friends with anyone. I never forbid her to be close to any woman. I really believe in him. I thought he would keep my feelings even though I gave him the freedom to be close to anyone. But it looks like he's gone too far. I confirm all that, I hope there is a defense from him. I do not want to hear lies. I want him to admit his mistake and promise not to do it again. It turns out my guess wrong, the response from him even made me sadder.

"Yes, I'm close to him. But that's it. "
"Why?"
"No, what's wrong with that?"
"It's okay, I'm just asking."
"so?"
"I'm sorry, I want to break up."
"Okay."

The words just slipped out of my lips. I'm sorry I did not think long. But what makes me more annoyed why Ardi behave casually? Did I really mean nothing to her? I hope everything I do is not wrong. I just want him to be deterrent. But after that incident Ardi feels far away and very rarely contact me. Just looking at me he just gave a thin smile and then passed away. I feel so strange with her. Like people who do not know each other. I do not know I really do not want this to happen. A few days later I heard the news that Ardi and Gina were invented. A thousand arrows stuck in my chest. It's as if I'm going to feel my displeasure if they're dating. No, that's all Ardi's decision, I'm the one who ended his relationship with him and he's entitled to do anything. I can not do anything.

I do not know why there was a sudden check-cok between me and Gina. Like somebody pitted the sheep. It cornered me like I did not accept if they were dating. Yes, I admit it is true but I never questioned it all. Since then, there was a storm that hit me. Now, Ardi also seemed to come to hate me. Did not he believe that it was not my deed? Would not it be easier? I've tried to explain it but why it's like this. I feel it's all messed up. I feel depressed and devastated by all this. What did I do wrong?

I do not know how the road finally got back to normal. And so I became close to Gina. Maybe he feels guilty for coming to corn me. Time passed, now Gina became my close friend. She often talks with me. The longer I feel that I love her. I do not know what about it. Every time I have trouble with it I feel sad. I did not feel like fighting with her. We often play together. There's always Ardi with him so I can keep seeing him. But I can not get close to him anymore. We've been like not knowing each other because Gina forbade Ardi to be close to me no matter what.

Ardi unexpectedly hooked me, he asked my news. He said that he missed me. By that time our communication started to improve. Evil, he's looking for me only if he wants it. Often I want to send a message to him, but when finished typing I delete again because I did not dare to send the message. I did not want to start first because I was afraid of being dumped by him. So I can only hope that he will often look for me.

She often contacted me, we were very close to her when we dated first. But we're not dating. We look after Gina's feelings. I'm thinking this is tantamount to me playing with Gina. I'm ashamed and sick of being a hypocrite. I do not want to continue to be a parasite between them. I decided not to communicate with Ardi anymore. Several times he contacted me again, sometimes I responded sometimes I did not listen to him. I really want to be with him and close to him again. But I do not want to hurt Gina's feelings. I held back my feelings until I became sick. The doctor said I had too much thought and stress.

My best friend visited me at the hospital. They scolded me, they motivated me, encouraged me, to make me forget my sorrow. The more I was getting used to seeing Ardi and Gina together. It hurts but what can I do. Everything has happened. I keep trying not to make Gina sad but my heart wants to be close to Ardi. Until finally I decided to close my heart. I just wanted to wait for him back without me having to get in between them. Three years have passed I never met him. I do not know how to meet her. At first glance I remember those times, the times when I was with him. Can I go back to that time? Can not he be my friend back like he used to be? I want him to see me for an instant.

Sometimes I think it's ok if I can not have it. All I need is her presence nearby. Often I'm wondering to myself, how is it going now? What is he doing right now? Hmm. If only she knew, I would still love her even though she hurt me so much. I will always be open to him, I will always be there for him whenever he seeks me. Until now, I always expect it. Hopefully he never forgot me. I wish there was a love left in his heart for me and one day he could come back to me, because I really miss him. And I really love him.