Attached image was taken from Pinterest and is not my own work.
“Off with his head!” I shouted.
I don’t know how many times I’ve said this already. It has been my norm, my everyday dialog since being queen. I guess it makes me seem like a sadist, but the truth is, I would never kill anybody.
The frog servant kicked and begged me to spare him. But I turned around and let the knights do their job. I headed to my room to relax for a while. And I thought about how many people I’ve already declared to be executed this day. I think that was the 3rd one today.
But I’m not really like that, even though I make it seem like I’m a spoiled child who enjoys chopping off heads and making others suffer, but I don’t enjoy it at all. In fact, as much as possible, I avoid hurting anyone. It may seem inconceivable that I am actually a kind person, but we all stereotype, don’t we? And though it is against my wishes, I chose to let people see me as a cruel, sadistic, fearsome queen, because otherwise, none of my people would obey me, and they would all run back to my sister whom they all adore. After all, if both queens acted nice to their subjects, of course they would opt for the prettier one, right? And I’d be left all alone again. I don’t want that anymore.
So, I only make a public declaration of executing people in order to sow fear in the others; to make sure that they obey me. What really happens when my guards take away the sentenced perpetrators is that they are brought to a reformation and rehabilitation place in the far deserted outskirts of the kingdom and they stay there for about 6 months to 2 years, making sure that the townspeople have mostly forgotten about them already, and then they are brought back to the castle with a new face and a new life and start to work for me. And the floating heads on my moat? Those are just doll heads made to look like the real deal. They of course aren’t my taste of castle décor, but they help in keeping my people in check, so I keep them that way regardless of their revolting sight. All of the guards are in on it actually, all…..probably except for the Knave.
Why I never told Stayne? The same reason why the townspeople don’t know. I love Stayne and I want him to stay right by my side. And if he found out that I was actually a lot nicer than I seemed, he might jump boat and serve Mirana instead. That would break my heart. So, even though I truly wish to tell Stayne, to let him know the real me, I don’t. I keep it all in. Call me selfish, but I just don’t want him to leave me. Especially not him.
Sometimes I think, maybe I shouldn’t have taken the crown from Mirana. Maybe there was an alternative way to do this. But see, I just didn’t like it anymore, how other people treated us who have deformities. I wasn’t the only one they bullied and treated like a walking disease. And I guess, that conviction, coupled with the coaxing of the Knave (he was the bodyguard Mirana assigned to me then) were the main factors why I decided to take over the throne that was actually supposed to be mine anyway. I was the eldest, the rightful heiress to the crown that my father left. It was only given to Mirana because our mother did not consider me as a daughter at all. So there, that day happened. The day that marked the siege of my army, which was composed of other deformed people that the normal ones maltreated. I guess we just couldn’t take it anymore. Is it so bad to want to not be ridiculed and stepped on anymore? Is it so bad to want to finally be respected by other people, even if that respect was only induced by fear? Is it so bad to want to have something that was, by all rights, yours?
“Mirana! Come and play with me!” I said gleefully as I skipped towards my younger sister.
“I’m sorry, Racie. I can’t. Mom is calling me again.” She said.
“Aww… That’s too bad.” I pouted. “We haven’t played together in a long time.”
“Princess Mirana, the queen has asked me to tell you that she wants you to hurry to her now.” Mother’s personal servant said meekly to Mirana.
“Gotta go, Racie. Can’t keep mother waiting.” And she dashed off while still maintaining the grace and poise that a princess should have.
I went to the balcony that had the best view of the garden. Mother always kept Mirana busy with something. We hardly ever had the chance to play together anymore. I was sad. Mirana was the only companion of my age who didn’t cringe when she looked at me.
“Why look so sad, my dear?”
I looked down the garden to see the king, my father, looking up at me. “Daddy!” I exclaimed happily. And then I ran to the balcony’s side stairs which led to the garden. I didn’t bother with poise or anything like that, it wasn’t like it ever mattered to other people that I was an actual princess too.
In a minute I was wrapped in my father’s arms. I hugged him tightly as I answered his question “Mother has Mirana busy again, so I have no one to play with.”
“How about the other kids that play with you and Mirana sometimes?” He asked.
I made a face. “They will only play with me if I’m with Mirana. You know I am hated by everybody.”
He ruffled my hair. “That’s not true, my princess. I love you.”
I smiled at him. “And I love you too, Daddy.”
He beamed a smile. “Tell you what, I’m not busy right now, so why don’t I play with you instead? Though I’m not as energetic as you are.” He tweaked my nose as he said that last statement.
And he played together with me. Running around the garden, playing with the water hose, carrying me on his back even though it was so difficult for both of us…Daddy was game for anything. And he played with me like it wasn’t a chore but like there was nothing else he’d rather do than play with me.
“Daddy?” I asked tentatively as we sat on the balcony railings and dried ourselves with the towels provided by the servants.
“Yes, dear?” He asked.
“How is it that the people do not hate you even though….um,..” I stumbled over the words.
“Even though my head is humongous?” He provided. And I nodded meekly.
He chuckled. “Don’t hesitate about it. I know my head is big. Anyway, I guess it’s because of my personality? And how I react to other people.”
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
“Racie, dear, the kind of world we live in is a cruel world. And it’s especially hard for people like us who aren’t so…pleasing to the eye. I really am sorry that you took after me instead of your beautiful mother.” He caressed my cheek softly before continuing. “You have to understand that we’re bound to be ridiculed.”
I looked down. “Yeah.”
“But you have to keep your chin up.” He put his hand under my chin and lifted my face up. “And keep smiling.” He prompted me to smile and said, “Now that’s a good smile.” Then he continued, “Show them that no amount of ridicule or mockery could ever make your sun shine less or your day less bright. Stay that good person that you are no matter what, okay, Racie?”
I nodded. Daddy was right.
He smiled at me. That was the last time I saw my father smile, because the next thing I knew, he fell head-first from where we sat and was lying on the garden. Gone.
I jolted awake. It was another dream about my father.
How I miss him. The only one who ever truly loved me, but all too soon, he was taken from me.
Would things have been different if he stayed with me even a bit longer? Would I have learned how to rule the way he did? Back then, things were peaceful. He didn’t have to employ the tactics I do in order to have the obedience of the people. The people gladly obeyed daddy, but as for me, they fear me that is why they obey.
Was it because of love? Daddy was a loving person despite his difficulties in growing up and rising to his position. If he had stayed with me longer, would I, too, have learned to live with love? Because when I lost him, I lost everything else. Even my sister, whom I used to be close to, had drifted apart from me. Where was love in my life?
How did he manage? If only daddy didn’t leave me defenseless and alone in this cruel, judgmental world…
Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
“Who is it?” I said in my practiced childish voice.
“It is I, Ilosovic Stayne, my queen.” And indeed the voice was that of Stayne.
“Come in.” He let himself in. “What brings you here, my dear knave? Oh, and have you seen Um? I’ve been dying to show her this collection of dresses that would definitely be to her taste...” I was smiling at first but then I remembered that I had declared that Um be executed, upon the prompting of my courtiers, because she was seen suspiciously close with Stayne.
I had to do it, even though I like Um, since she was such an interesting guy, but see, if I didn’t order her execution, the courtiers would start to question and wonder whether I have gotten soft. That scenario would have dire consequences. So upon remembering all this, the smile on my face faded and turned into a frown.
He hesitated. “Yes, about that, your Majesty, Um is Alice, and she is gone.”
“What do you mean ‘gone’?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“She has escaped.” He said.
I slap him. I do not like hurting Stayne but the thought of Alice escaping pushes me to do so.
“On the bandersnatch.” He added. I slapped him again, out of disbelief that he had allowed it to even happen.
“With the Vorpal Sword.” He finished. And I slapped him one more time. This time, out of despair. She could feel it, the end was near.
My sister and I meet halfway in the center of the field.
I composed myself and greeted her in the most indifferent way I could muster. “Mirana.”
“Oh, Racie..” She began. I softened to the sound of her voice calling out my nickname. It has been so long, so long since anyone last called me that. I missed her. I missed my sister. The only other person who ever showed true concern for me.. How I wanted to run up to her and hug her… But I remembered why we were on that field. I remembered what was to happen on that day. And I knew I couldn’t be with my sister like when we were kids. We can’t go back to those times anymore.
“We don’t have to fight. Just give me my crown.” Mirana pleads.
“It’s mine! I am the eldest! I should be queen!” I shouted.
But in my mind, I say something else. *Mirana, please. I need this. And you don’t. Without the throne, I am nothing. Just another monstrosity in the eyes of other people. You wouldn’t know because you are loved whether you are queen or not. So please Mirana… Don’t take my crown away. Don’t take the only thing I have that can offer me acceptance from other people. Don’t take it all away… *
I shake all the thoughts away. No, I will not show that I am weak, not in front of her supporters. I look to my side. And definitely not in front of Stayne.
“Jabberwocky, come forth!” I declare in a clear, loud voice.
Then and there, Jack, my jabberwock and adopted son, makes his entrance, sowing fear in the hearts of the opposing team.
I smile. To others, my smile may look sinister and gloating. But in truth, my smile meant one thing and one thing only. A smile that said, “I am proud of you, son. I am proud of how great you have become.”
To Mirana, I say, “Where’s your champion, sister?”
Alice comes forward and declares, “Right here.”
“Hello, Um.” I greet her curtly. Here is the girl who will bring about my fall, and yet I do not hate her. Just that I am sad. If things went about differently, perhaps we could’ve been friends? If Alice was able to accept the Bernadette, my Bandersnatch, then perhaps she would’ve accepted me too? Maybe, just maybe, I could’ve finally had a true friend that would accept me. If we weren’t on opposing sides. If this whole Frabjous day did not come to exist…
Stayne does not love me.
My heart is crestfallen.
Broken.
Shattered.
But I think I always knew, and yet I chose to continue loving him, to dote on him every love that I had left in my heart, because maybe I was hoping he'd learn to love me too. Maybe I hoped that it was possible. That someone could love me despite how I looked.
I was delusional.
And now my heart is in pieces as I write this. The crown is gone. And with it went any respect or fear I have sown in my subjects. My army is now in Mirana's hands. I lost...everything. Even Stayne, who was banished together with me. We are together in this desolate place, but he would not even stand within 30ft of me. Yes, I have relegated to this. Once a queen, but now a pitiful hideous creature amidst this barren land of nothingness. Banished. Alone. And as it has always been, unloved.
Tears started to escape from my eyes, to the point that I could hardly stop them, but still I tried to keep everything in, refusing to let my feelings leak out. But then I remembered that I was alone. No one’s watching me. No one’s going to criticize me anymore. I didn’t have to hide anything anymore. I no longer have to pretend or hold back the pain I feel. So I let the last of my facade crumble, and just like that, my pain flowed down like a broken dam. I cried like a little child. I cried for everything that I lost.
I sit here and reminisce the days past
The happy days I had that didn’t last
And my only memory of when I still knew love
But now those days are gone
I am alone.
Unloved.
For a time I had the world in my hands
For a time, I was queen of all these lands
And that time, no one could look down on me
But now all that is gone
I am defeated.
Exiled.
And my heart, which I had given to you
Like all the others, you chose to broke it too
And though we used to stand on the same ground
But now you are gone
I am despised.
Unwanted.
What did I do to deserve this cruel fate?
Why did I have to be the object of all this hate?
I used to think things might take a turn for the better
But perhaps afterlife would prove to be nicer
I know that when I’m gone, you and all Underland would rejoice
So for your happiness, I shall let myself fade away without a noise
On this day, as I take my last breath
Know that I loved you even up to my death.
Farewell.
I stopped writing and tucked my quill back into my notebook. My tears also had started to subside. I guess this is the end of the road for me. After one deep breath, I emptied a vial of green liquid in one gulp. I had known this was coming for a long while, so I have kept this vial in my person ever since the day I found out what was to befall me on that fated Frabjous day.
Emotions pulled at my heart, but anger was not one of them. No. I was sad, full of grief. I was broken, torn... but I was not angry. I knew it had to happen like this. I knew someone had to lose on that day. It just so happens that it had to be me. Why? Why me? I had always asked why I had to be subject to this kind of fate; why I had to be the villain in this story. But I guess I will never know the answers in this lifetime, because now, on this day, I put an end to everything.
“It is done.” I gurgled and gasped out as I collapsed to the ground, my mouth beginning to foam up. Daddy, I will finally be with you again. Tears fell from my eyes. And the last thing I saw was the blurry approaching figure of the man I love….
Wow. That was both beautiful and sad. At some point the story felt like Dolly Parton's Jolene. Hahaha. One thing, could you please reference the artwork that accompanies your piece? Is that original too? It'll suffice to mention even that. I wish more people read this. Amazing story.
EDIT: I see that's a fan art of Alice in Wonderland. Just mention that and your piece is perfect.
To be honest, i didn't know where to put the referencing for the fanart. Haha. Though yeah, it is not mine. Will put it somewhere if i can still edit. A bit new here so I don't know how others usually add their image references. Thanks though. :) i haven't read that one. Will look it up. :D i wrote this one for a school folio before. It was actually part of a whole remake of the alice in wonderland story that we stitched up together. I took this part coz I wanted to add a new side to Iracebeth, the villain. Glad you liked it! :3
Edited it already to include some form of reference. :3 thanks again!
Looks better now 😊
awesome story ...good luck
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This is one of a captivating story.
Wow is the only word that could describe it
Welldone
Thanks! Racie must be glad to finally have someone who appreciates her. :3