I don’t remember the last time I dreamt and left me feeling something the morning after
But it’s coming back now.
It started last week.
I was falling asleep in my bed and I realized I hadn’t brushed my teeth
but I was too sleepy to leave the comfort
I had this terrible feeling that I must do it or else something bad would happen
and I fell asleep like that
I dreamt that I had a huge cavity and one of my molars fell
I was looking at myself in the mirror terrified
I woke up rushed to brush my teeth.
The following night
I fell asleep thinking about the pancakes I was going to make in the morning
and I dreamt about these beautiful tasty soft pancakes
that I know I’m not able to make
I woke up to an alert at 3am
My friend passed by my house to pick up some money
(let’s say) that I owed him
I went back to sleep
and I dreamt that we were having sex
the usual way though this time in the light of day
and his girlfriend came in and went nuts
He was trying to remove himself from the situation
trying to get her back
I didn’t know how to leave
I couldn’t find a door
And she just wanted to kill the both of us
I woke up feeling disgusted
But the pancakes turned out okay.
Last night my roommate lent me a blanket
thanks to that I didn’t wake up freezing at 3am
but I did have this dream:
The next morning she got out of her bed and tucked in with me to watch silly things on her phone
then she stood up to make breakfast for the both of us.
I woke up reminding myself that it was just a dream
And went to make the same breakfast
Only for me.
Lately my dreams are telling me more about my present terribly-out-of-balance self than my writing does
It’s hard not to feel embarrassed by feelings you’re trying to suppress
while your subconscious slaps you in the face with them
Lonely
Guilty
Afraid
By more than just these dreams.