You have an easy and unassuming style and I had no problems following the actions in the first chapter. In a second one, it was a little bit harder once you’ve introduced several characters. I would say that Jordan’s boyfriend was the most pronounced among the characters, easier to distinguish. Other characters someone blurred out and I was lost as to who is saying what. Also, from a purely technical standpoint, I prefer avoiding thigs like “Jordan informed” or “He remarked”, etc. It should be clear from the dialog itself who is talking. Rather than occupy space with idle words, I’d rather wanted to see something about this particular character. For example:
Philip, Jordan’s boyfriend, pulled the magazine away from her. “I gotta see who my competition is.” He remarked, studying a picture of the actor.
Philip, Jordan’s boyfriend, pulled the magazine away from her. “I gotta see who my competition is.” He moved the magazine closer and further from his face studying a picture of the actor under different angles and changing the point of vision.
Or
Philip, Jordan’s boyfriend, pulled the magazine away from her. “I gotta see who my competition is.” As he was looking at the picture of an actor, his upper lip lifted, giving his face an expression of contempt and fastidiousness. He always assumed this expression when he wasn’t sure that the comparison would be in his favor.
Otherwise, it was an enjoyable read. I will sure to follow your novel from this point on. I am interested where would the character development go from here. I assume of course that she would eventually meet her sister.
Cheers
Thank you, I love feedback like this. I did write this a few years ago, so I am reading the parts before posting. I will be mindful and try to avoid this issue. Thanks again!!!