You have a great amount of detail worked into your story which adds a nice depth behind the characters that you created. I always enjoy good banter in a story and personally love the name, "Moira" as it is such a throwback Irish name that you just don't hear anymore.
The story you are writing really flows and if you wrote a full novel in the same way i could see it doing very well. I will have to go back through the first chapter now to see where we begin.
Thanks. Actually, I've written 13 novels in more or less the same way. You'll find them here: http://www.hpoliver.com
Well then. That's something that I will have to look into. I read a lot of books and like your writing style. It really drew me in.
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If you visit my website, you will find a series of links for each book, including a synopsis, a preview, and a video trailer. http://www.hpoliver.com Thanks!