[BOISE, IDAHO] A completely deranged lunatic walking down the streets of Boise today decided that he could live without spending as much money as he is usually inclined to do.
Going to the grocery store, local resident Frank Bozeman notably declined purchasing a stack of bottles of water.
"Like, it just came to me. I thought to myself, 'You know, I really don't need this.'" he told reporters "I just suddenly realized I literally have water on tap. For the price of a couple stacks of these I could probably just invest in a little filtration system that would allow me to drink clean water which I can store in a reusable bottle."
He said he told another customer about his realization and they began to realize other things.
Anita Dworkin remembers the moment clearly. "I just knew in that moment that you know, like, pancake mix is just a bunch of flour, salt, and baking soda. There is literally no need to buy a premade mix. And like, breakfast foods are all very intentionally not that hard to make either, which like makes sense right? Because the people who invented them were probably just as tired as me when they began making them in the morning. So maybe instead of going to Denny's every Sunday I can just spend like, 5 minutes and make stuff myself."
Frank himself began to realize that he wasn't just spending too much money on food. He could, like, do other things too.
"It was like an epiphany moment, I guess. Maybe it's not just food that I spend unnecessary money on. I just began to think of things I could just like, not spend money on. Like, I got a gym membership at the beginning of the year because I'm 40 years old and a little chubby because of the beer, right? But all I really do is a little cardio here and there. So I could have really just bought a pair of running shoes and a couple weights and that would basically serve 80-90% of my needs for the next couple years."
And then after discussing this for a while, other people started getting really crazy. Rob Weston, a local business owner was furious. "These people are nuts. They're going to tank the economy. If you don't keep buying crap, I can't keep selling it, so I can keep buying other crap."
But Frank and Anita were undeterred. "Sure, maybe it will. I don't really know. I'm not an economist," Frank replied "but like, I don’t think I need to spend that much to really be all that happy. What I need is time, because that's limited, and I spend too much of it doing things for other people I don't really care about."
"And the more I save early," Anita told us, " the less I need to work for later."
"Like, you know, I commute 40 minutes to work each day in my car and end up spending around probably $3000 a year keeping my tank full, registering my vehicle, paying insurance, and keeping my car running. If I sold my car, and just lived in a place closer to work and biked or walked everywhere I could save $3000 a year and be fitter and healthier even." Anita told us. "Every $26 I save can be used to safely generate $1 of income annually. If I cut my car I could generate at least an Amazon prime membership of extra money every single year. In 12 years I'll be making a permanent $100/month from just that choice."
Now where'd these people get such far fetched notions..? They must be couple of them non-progressive types..? We need be careful of them radical types round here; ya hear?