The weird reason I'm locked to my city

in #writing • 6 years ago

This is Veles.

Sunset Over Veles.jpg

The city I grew up in, the city I'm a prisoner of.
While my thoughts are always outside, daydreaming about moving out and never looking back, my reality is quite the opposite.
Maybe it's why I daydream about leaving so much.

But leaving, at least for me, is all but simple. And the shackles that hold me? Two people that I can't take with me, and I can't leave behind.

Two people - two thirds of my being. Two thirds of my knowledge. Two thirds of my fine balanced equation.

Now, all I got left is two thirds of my memories. And their real value boils down to a prison cell sentence. I got all of 'em stored in a tiny cell, up there, somewhere deep inside my mind. And I can enjoy them all day long, keep coming back to them.

But there's no abandoning them.

I always tend to be reasonable and objective when it comes to solving problems, but this one is, I feel, out of my reach.

My final plan is to work myself to the end, spend as much time as possible with my niece and my son, teach them everything I know, make all the money possible with what I do, and make sure my two angels are able to find a good place to look for their chance.

To start from scratch, create all the things that matter - and I couldn't do.

Because, my chains are not coming off.

And, when I go, I'm gladly bringing them down with me.

Beneath the city, to finally solve my equation again.

RIP Lucky
RIP Zy

Dedicated to Liliya and Phillip, if you two little rascals ever get your eyes on this.

#life #personal #philosophy
6 years ago in #writing by
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     6 years ago  

    A touching and melancholy, but loving gift to your niece and son

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     6 years ago  

    Thanks @momzillanc, it's just a small portion of my written/audio/video diary I'm making for them. It's all I can do at the moment. I got myself entangled in some, evil dance, so I want them to know the whole truth, because it's been skewed a lot in front of them, and they are quite young. They are all I care about so I don't want them to grow up hating me.

    Thanks again for laying eyes on it! :)

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     6 years ago  

    I hope you are able to disentangle yourself and find a more fulfilling path.

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       6 years ago  

      Thanks. The struggle is never-ending :)