Hi, Karen!
You have everything you could ever wish for - a TV that performs a lobotomy on you every once in a while, but you love it. You are entertained!! You have your perfect fucking life and a family. You really DO enjoy making your husbands dinner every night, even though you cry in it to make it saltier. Your kids are wonderful, you matched their outfits this morning so even you can't tell the difference and it looks like you only have one child if they don't stand next to each other.
You like your routine. Every Saturday morning you have coffee with your neighbor and you talk about other neighbors. Every other Saturday you let your neighbors husband fuck you while your husband is getting your children from their flute practice. You are such a Mrs. Robinson, aren't you?
All this aside, you do take some time for yourself. Yes, you have a hobby! You spend a whole week collecting coupons, and then it finally comes. YES. TIME FOR GROCERY SHOPPING! Which fabric softer you'll get this time? Susan always has a nice scented one, but you don't like Susan. God forbid you smell like fucking Susan. You finally bought rubber gloves for cleaning in pink. Now everything will be easier to clean because pink is your favorite color. Your cart is full and it doesn't even look like your cart, its filled with stuff that was on sale because you can never know when you are going to need that set of 10 electric toothbrushes. See, you are so economical! Good for you, Karen. You rush to the cash register because your credit card is itching in your pocket. You stop yourself in disbelief. You almost forgot to get that pack of beer for your husband again. You have to pinch yourself really hard, you do like pinching more than slaps.
You get home, thrilled to stuff that turkey with stuff that turkey is stuffed with, but then it all shatters. You get a call from a mother of your older sons best friend. She is in shock, telling you how she caught your boys trying a little weed. You are stoned. Not like your son was of course, but you are stoned from what you just heard. You gave everything to that boy, and this is what he does to pay you back. What will you do when this rumor gets spread and everybody knows about it?? Your firstborn, doing drugs. He polluted your familys name, he is the failure, disappointment, a rebel, he is problematic, should you call the police? Or your shrink? Oh my, oh my! How did you ever deserve this? Oh dear, you really should put that knife and turkey down. You should go up to your room and take a Xanax or two and calm yourself. You shouldn't deal with this.
Well, you can teach your son a lesson. You could yell and your husband can slap him a few times, but not like he slaps you when you forget that pack of beer. He is only a boy. You will yell, husband will slap him and you will both take him to church on Sunday. SEE? You are such a good mother, Karen.
Yes. People like you are the greatest examples of human species. You are so perfect that there are 7 billion copies of you on this planet. Becuse you are so perfect and great. You feed Them. You are Their favorite. You are great. You are just like They want you to be. You will be rewarded for that. Now, take that blue pill and red one of course, maybe two? okay two, sit before your TV and let yourself go. We will take care for the rest. Don't you worry. You are such a good girl, Karen. You know that, right? Sleep tight.
You won't even feel the bed bugs bite.
I hope none of you get offended by this. This is just a product of my frustration on a Sunday night. Its even worse Monday mornings.
Upvoted of course! :-)
Seriously I LOVE this...
There really is just so much to appreciate about this writing that I would pretty much have to cut and paste the whole thing here to show you my favorite parts... But that would be kinda silly so I will show you this one... " thrilled to stuff that turkey with stuff that turkey is stuffed with,"
Yup... I love it! And I was even able to Upvote! YAY! :-)
Thank you for sharing! Wishing you a happy day and good luck on your next Monday! :-)
Thank you so much for reading and taking out of your time to leave this comment. I am really grateful for your feedback. I'm really glad you liked this piece, I know many people woulnd't enjoy this ironic, satiric and mocking-like style. Mondays are pain in the ass, but hey, at least writing like this comes out of it! Thank you again, wish you too a happiest day!
You're very welcome my new friend and thank you for your reply! :-)
Also I must say that it is great that you can appreciate the lotus that grows out of the mud! Right? Right! :-)
Wishing you happiness, smiles, sweet dreams and sunshine! :-)
I have a giant lotus tattoo on my back... I was reffering to that, so you can only imagine what lotus means to me :)
Hmmm curious then that I would choose to reference a lotus ... Very cool... :-)