Every morning it was the same damned thing... "Hey faggot- ham and cheese omelette and oatmeal." I was working as a night cook/baker on an Exxon rig in the 630 block of West Cameron way out in the Gulf of Mexico and this was my first assignment on an oil rig.
Everybody on a rig has a job to do and the way I see it, they all need to get done so they're all important. Not everybody sees it that way though- some people think they're more important than everybody else... too big for their britches as my Uncle Arthur would have said- he also taught me not to take any shit off nobody. Warren was one of those assholes- he didn't get along with hardly anybody... I'd have come over the counter and kicked his ass but the rigs are under Maritime Law and fighting was an automatic year with no good time- you have to do the whole bit! You see Warren was a welder and he was a legend in his own mind.Well, unbeknownst to Warren he was about to learn a very important lesson about the pecking order on the rigs- a lesson in fact that I hadn't even learned as of yet... NEVER piss off the cook.
There are two cooks on an oil rig, a day cook (who's the head cook) and a night cook who also does the baking too. They each have a galley hand that does the dishes, cleans up and helps out in the kitchen and mess hall. The day cook on this rig was a black guy from Sicily who was thrilled to see another Sicilian when I got out there. His name was Eugenio "Gene" Pasto... a really cool guy. So one morning Gene was in the kitchen having coffee when Warren came in and gave me his usual greeting. Gene looked at me but I just played it off like I wasn't paying attention. After breakfast when the galley hand was cleaning up, Gene takes me into the pantry...
"You don't have to take that shit," he tells me in his heavily accented English.
"What do you mean?" I ask him.
"When the galley hand cleans the grill just put a few grains of the grill brick aside- maybe 3-4 grains. I'll tell my guy to leave them there and tomorrow put them in his omelette... Then we watch the fun ("Dena we watcha da fun").
"What does it do?" I ask him, curious.
Gene puts his hand on my shoulder and gives me this fatherly look: "You just don't worry about that," he says with a big grin. "You do this for couplea days."
So the next morning Warren comes in with his usual opening and I follow Gene's advice. About half an hour later Warren gets up and hurries out of the galley. I watched with curiosity, wondering what was going on. I figured it made him sick or something. The next morning he comes in walking kinda funny. There was no "Hey faggot," this time- just "give me some oatmeal." So I put a few grains in his oatmeal and gave it to him like Gene said. I didn't see Warren again until the next day after breakfast. He had a bed sheet wrapped on his lower half like a diaper. Gene was there and hollered out...
"Hey big boy, you don't want the faggot make you no omelett?" he said to Warren with a wink. All he got in return was a dirty look. Apparently the grains from the grill brick go right through you causing symptoms a lot like dysentery. They had to have a helicopter come all the way out there to pick Warren up and take him to the hospital. I never saw him again, but what do you want to bet he never called a cook "faggot" again???
Being a cook may not be the most prestigious job on the rig, but it does have its perks. Oh and whatever you do, whether it's on an oil rig, a cafeteria, or anywhere else where someone else is preparing your food... treat them with respect- you just never know. So let this little story be a lesson, as you go through life... NEVER piss off the cook!
Great story and its so true firstly stop acting like a jerk just because you think their job is so below yours and 2nd that is great advice Rich I hear even air hostesses can place some lovely extras in ones food if you get on their naughty corner.
lol, fighting is not allowed but poisoning people is fine, I'll have to remember that next time I am at sea.
Its not fine just dont get caught lol @funbobby
I'm a dangerous man lol!
I try not to fuck with those who prepare my food just out of concern for spit or jizz being included, I hadn't even thought about scrubbers. And you have some element of plausible deniability, just blame the dishwasher right?
No I would always back myself up. I'm a man, I'm not going to put off what I did on some poor dishwasher
Very funny story...educational, too, but I'm still trying to figure out the part with the black guy from Sicily!? Do you mean really black or simply dark skinned? I don't know if this is a PC question, but I'm confused :)
No he's black. Sicily has been owned by every country in the world practically (except Sicily). There are black Sicilians too.
It's cool that you pepper (pun-yes) in a story or two with your other writing. I think everyone would agree that "stories are awesome!" @lucylin does a good job at story-telling, and @stevescoins is THE expert. Nice job @richq11.
These are all an extension of The Kid That Became A Guy, my life story. That's why I call it "A Kid Story." @lucylin is a good writer, I'd like to see more. If you like dark stories, check out The Night Gods stories (or buy the book lol). Steve is an excellent storyteller, he's one of my oldest friends on Steemit.
Thank you, I forgot to say it before... I'm so burned out, I wish I could take a week off!
Your Welcome, brother. A week off may be an investment as it can re-charge the spirit and the mind. I just got back from a little R&R break from Steemit - Research and Riting, lol - no actual break. I did take 1 day off to initiate a new project. Just published the first part of it.
I'll check out your story. We'll see about buying it. I've got books out the arse, lol. Used to buy em by the box. Have 5 or so new ones to read, yet. Do you do audio books at all? Have you looked into doing your own audio? Thanks for the response.
No I try to stay away from audio. I have a perfect face for radio and a voice suited for newspapers. I have this North End Boston accent I've been trying all my life to lose. I sound like Rocky! I did a podcast with Truthforce (it's on D-Tube). I can't stand the sound of my own voice... i stick to writing.
I make my living on here, I can't hardly afford a day off!
Lol, that's so funny. I started to write a comment about having a face for radio, other part wasn't funny enough to post. I'll have to listen to that then. I hear ya on the living part of things. I'm pretty much full time on here myself, and it's not enough. But, you're doing ok and will continue to grow.
We should do a brain-strorming chat one day and talk about ways to make ourselves more efficient. Getting quality content up more quickly and having time to write books and on other platforms would be great...
I used to do a lot of work in the hospitality business, several of our offshore divers were good men, hard working, sometimes surprisingly kind. They often seemed out of place in the real world away from the rig. We often joked about putting eye drops in people’s drinks if they were rude.
No. One never messes with the chef! 🐓🐓
The divers were all really cool guys... I should have gone into that, the money was fantastic. I joined the Navy to become a "frogman" all I need to do was learn how to weld. This guy was just one of the guys that welded casing pipe as it went into the hole. Did you work for ARA?
No, I worked at a nightclub in Houston. It was a time when you could find a job anywhere in Texas, because of the oil boom. 🐓🐓
Excellent your writing story .Really awesome ..
wow very excellent writing story