A better way to set new years resolutions

Now that the hangover's passed and my thinking is mostly clear again, I want to share a better method for setting and achieving your 2018 resolutions.

I've set new years resolutions almost every year since I was in my early 20s. And kept very few of them...until the past 2 years.

Here's what happens when you set a resolution. You think about something you want more of (or less of if you're resolving to lose weight) and you think about how you'll do it and then you go 100% ahead for January, maybe 90% in February and then 75% in March and by April you're so frustrated because you've hardly seen any change. So you quit and you feel guilty about that for a while and then tell yourself you'll try again or f*-it, resolutions are stupid.

Most resolutions are setup to fail. Either the goal is not achievable unless you make drastic changes, which requires you to adjust other areas of your life (for example, if you're trying to lose weight you have to stop going out for burgers and beer and you have to find friends who want to hike on the weekend instead of...eat burgers and drink beer). We don't plan for those other changes, and it gets too hard.

Also, you might give up because you feel like it's just not worth it. Who wants a boring life in exchange for a slightly smaller waist?

Your goal is out of alignment with how you really want to feel. I learned about Danielle Laporte's method for goal-setting (The Desire Map is a great place to start) and I finally figured out a) which changes I really wanted to make, and b) how to properly think through and plan out the course to achieve the goal. Add a few rewards in there for milestones and it becomes like a game.

Let's go a bit deeper into this...

I'll use the weightloss example again, since it's one, if not the most, popular goal. If you're resolving to lose weight is it really because you'd like to weigh less? Probably not. More likely, you want to lose weight because it will make you feel loveable, give you a sense of belonging (to the beautiful/fit crowd), and beautiful (note that these are externally controlled feelings, too, so go even deeper and see if you can find a feeling you control). I discovered I didn't actually care about losing weight; actually, I cared about having more energy and strength to do things. I wanted a 100km bike ride to feel like no big deal.

Once you have those Core Desired Feelings, as Laporte calls them, down, then you move on to your action plan. To feel the way you want to feel, what are the steps you'll take and when will you take those steps? .

It's important that your action plan is realistic. Saying you're all of a sudden going to stop drinking lattés or that you're going to do hard cardio for an hour a day is going to wear you out. For January, your mini goal might be to go outside for an hour every day it's nice out.

I've noticed (and read elsewhere) that the best way to get rid of bad habits is not to stop them, but replace them with good habits. People suck at stopping things, but a good habit can slowly drown out a bad habit. I took this angle to my action plan, figuring out what good habits I would try to instill instead of focusing on what bad habits I wanted to squash.

Three things that came about doing this:

I always feel tired in the afternoon (like right now, my eyes are droopy) and typically, I would seek out caffeine and granola bars or junk food. Then I started exercising in the afternoon instead. I'd hop on my bike for an hour or go for a 20-minute walk outside and I started feeling great in the afternoons.
I wanted something I could do from home on rainy days, so I developed a little thing I call Pomodoro Fitness (if you're not familiar with the Pomodoro technique, essentially you work on a timer for 45 minutes, then take 5-10 min break). During my 5-10 minute breaks I'd do a quick HIIT workout, using only things I had in my house. Within a couple months, I noticed my legs and shoulders felt stronger.
Instead of telling myself I couldn't have this-or-that junk food, I said if I really want it then I can have it. Weirdly enough, I stopped wanting most junk food. It just wasn't that appealing to me. Except for popcorn, which I'm convinced is the perfect snack texture and flavour. I still eat junk food, sometimes a lot, but I don't tell myself I have to find a way to burn 1000 calories now because I ate chips and dip.

You can apply this thinking to any kind of goals. For example, if you want to go on a trip next fall think about what spending habits you can replace your current overspending habits with in order to save for your trip. If you want to publish a book, think about setting realistic mini writing goals, like writing 500 words 5 days a week, finding an editor in September, and working on cover designs in October.

Take the pressure off and be realistic about your goals, prioritize, establish new habits, and reward yourself. It works and it's a lot more fun than beating yourself up because of your perceived weak willpower.

Here's to a happy and successful 2018.