I have been increasingly interested in the deeper meaning of those two lately 😄
Self-image
Self-esteem
I used to think they can be used interchangeably.
That they mean the exact same thing but guess what?
After studying and doing my research I found out that there are closely related yet not one and the same.
Let me explain:
The short definition of "self-image" is the belief we have of ourselves.
Who we know we truly are (even if we are not revealing it to anybody else).
Our own identity, our thoughts, our preferences.
Now "self-esteem" (or self-love or self-respect) on the other hand is how much we like and approve of our self-image.
So long story short, our "self-esteem" is the reputation we have with ourselves!
Now that we got the definitions down let me say a few things about how these two are related, and end up either promoting our growth or bringing us down.
We ALL have a self-image right?
And one way or another, it was formed in a very young age.
Usually it's our parents or guardians that help create it.
That first self-image is the one that follows us around, WE are IT.
Once we create it we keep further building on it.
We can enrich it but we hardly ever consider altering it.
And we almost never stop and think that we actually DO have the option to change it.
We make the transition to adulthood and we pretty much STAY the same person.
"Winner" or "loser", "scary-cat" or the "adventurous" type or everything in between.
These titles stick with us and follow us around and we identify with them and other people do too.
Sometimes though, we are forced to change our "self-image" after a BIG change occurs in our life.
Like becoming a mother / father, getting a divorce, losing someone, getting laid off after 20 years of work etc.
THEN we are forced to respectively change our self-image of being childless to being a mom / dad, to being single again, to feeling abandoned / empty / lonely, to being unemployed etc.
And because this belief that we have of ourselves is exactly SO strong, for some of us it can be extremely difficult to cope with our new identity.
In some cases it takes years.
Some people end up living the rest of their lives in denial and never get over it.
But what if we can use that tool called "self-Image to alter our beliefs, our perspective, our body chemistry and eventually our lives??
I remember when I first started working in IT.
( you can read about my journey here https://steemit.com/life/@sahana-yoga/i-quit-my-job-and-reinvented-myself)
I felt so proud of myself. I felt smart. Recognized. Amazing. Worthy. Socially accepted. Top of my game.
But over the course of those ten years I worked for the same company, I slowly started to realize that this part of my self-esteem was based on external stimuli.
Not internal.
My foundation was flimsy and fragile. It could collapse at the first blow, say if I lost my job.
It wasn't that I felt complete as a personality, character, or as a human.
I felt complete because my title at the time simply made me acceptable to everyone else.
BUT MYSELF...
My self-esteem was based on a conditional self-image and that was NO good.
What a realization right?
So as you know if you have read that post, it took me years but I finally managed to change that conditional self-image.
And now my self-esteem is a lot higher because I actually do approve of my self-image!
Awesome?
Definitely 🧡
So what can we do to accept or change our self-image (if needs to be changed)?
1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Not a good strategy!!
It doesn't matter if it makes you feel good or not.
It just isn't worth it and it will not end up well because we can't always be better than everyone else.
And you don't want to feel like you are in constant competition either...
(also putting others down to lift yourself up is not a quality you want to have even if no one knows about it!!)
2. Base your self-image on your good traits rather that the poor ones
Why identify with your big belly instead of your beautiful eyes or your sharp brain? Make your best quality your most identifiable one.
3. Accept the fact that no matter HOW HARD you work you can't make everyone like / accept / acknowledge / love you
It is not possible so please don't waste your time trying to make it happen. You will fail and it will seriously hurt.
Find reasons WHY you appreciate yourself and again even if you did that, it would be like seeking conditional self-esteem. It's a no no.
4. Introduce your brain to the idea that you can be many different things at the same time
You are a dancer? You can also be a boxer. You are a man? You can also be a dancer! You are short? You can play basketball. Don't put yourself in a box...
5. Are you a fan of who you are or you just don't miss a change to judge, criticize and put down your every thought, decision or even your own dreams?
Spend some time with yourself. Be your own friend. Listen to your needs. Take long baths without feeling lazy. Be kind to you when you 're thinking "I don't want to do this". Maybe you actually shouldn't be doing things that make you miserable and maybe that's actually ok.
Drop me a line if you thought that was helpful!!
See you soon.
Love,
SahanaYoga
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STOPI love this post, and I love love love that inferiority complex illustration at the top! I googled Grant Snider and found he has many delightful comics posted at http://www.incidentalcomics.com/ so thank you for the introduction to yourself and new artists!
beautiful post, i loved it! We all need to be kinder to ourselves and treat as if we are our own BFF. The Garfield cartoon made me chuckle - I am for sure "undertall" :D
Great post, but I don't know if I agree with the:
"2. Base your self-image on your good traits rather that the poor ones. Why identify with your big belly instead of your beautiful eyes or your sharp brain? Make your best quality your most identifiable one."
It sounds to me like that person would still run away from having a big belly, which is really not healthy to do. In that way, we would still just try to inflate our ego, but except with the job, it would be with what we focus on. We should embrace every part of us fully and then we'll have a strong self-esteem!!
Cheers!
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