True Life:
I wore my illness like a suit. A really stuffy, shitty, sad, bubble suit. Drawing as much attention to "the suit" as possible. Here's some backstory...
Often times, when things happen, they just happen and that's it. Life has no malicious undertones or intentions. It just is. Life just does its thing. And yet, how many times do you act as though you have been personally victimized?
And how often do you continue to perpetuate that feeling of being victimized for days, weeks, months, or even years, allowing that one story to set the tone for every subsequent event in life?
You know the type (or maybe YOU are the type). They're the kind of people who are like, "Well this always happens," "Bad things just happen to me," "This is just how my life is," "Men/women always mistreat me," "I never have enough money."
BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH. See how draining and generally negative all the above statements feel? Yeah. Stop doing that shit.
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Spoiler alert: By doing that/saying things like the above, you are actually the space for more of that to show up. Or, as LOA-ers would say, "The essence of that which is like unto itself, is drawn."
It's like failing to weed your garden and then acting surprised when it keeps growing weeds instead of roses.
ANYWAY.
Just to be mega clear: The story we tell ourselves about what happened is NOT the same as what happened. And those stories really only have power because of the language we use and the meaning and emotional response we tie to said language.
Here's a real life example from yours truly. I've been healing dis-ease (otherwise known as Autoimmune and Anxiety) for 5 years (wow, my story is so unique she said sarcastically). In the beginning, we didn't know what dis-ease I was dealing with. It was a mystery to all involved at the time.
I had some experiences with doctors early on who said they didn't have a clue what was wrong, that nothing appeared to be wrong with me, I seemed healthy, or other similar responses. I had friends and people I encountered say things like, "Well you don't look sick" or "You're just trying to achieve perfection with your body."
These things were deeply hurtful. Because I assigned meaning to the things that were said. ie: People must think I am lying, I am not supported, no one cares, I am alone, etc. But I digress.
I knew in my bones what health felt like. I felt this vacancy inside me where there once was vitality and drive. I felt like no one understood and no one was on my side (by the way, I am on my side and that's all I will ever need, but more on that later).
[In the meantime, here's a pic of me loving my own damn self because self-love is the foundation for abundance in all areas of life and sometimes you just gotta hug yo self.]
*shrugs *
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So, as a mechanism of protection, I (unconsciously) decided that in order for me to be supported, taken seriously, or medically investigated, I had to be convincing. I love being a passionate person, but when I felt this insecurity-driven need to convince or prove something, or make it believable, I really took it on.
And so I did. I wore my illness like a suit. A really stuffy, shitty, sad, bubble suit. While flailing my arms wildly, screaming from the top of a mountain, "I'M SICK!" Because how else would my illness be believable? How else would I garner support?
YUCK.
Tuning into the place I was emotionally during that time makes my stomach churn. I'm so glad I stopped doing that shit.
Now, I create stories around my illness that work for me. I get present to what I experience without making it wrong. Are my old stories still there? Do I still find myself identifying with remnants of victim consciousness? Sometimes. I'm human. This is a process. The most important thing is simply bringing awareness to it and taking steps toward a new commitment.
Now, its your turn. Will you create a story that overpowers you or empowers you?
O·VER·POW·ER
"defeat or overcome with superior strength."
synonyms: gain control over, overwhelm, prevail over, get the better of, gain mastery over, overthrow, overturn, subdue, suppress, subjugate, repress, bring someone to their knees, conquer, defeat, triumph over
EM·POW·ER
“give someone the authority or power to do something. make someone stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights."
synonyms: authorize, entitle, permit, allow, enable, emancipate, unshackle, set free, liberate
Do you feel those feel-goods when you're pondering the word EMPOWER?
Yeah. That's your higher self in alignment with the new narrative.
We all know that humans beings can't NOT assign meaning. So give yourself permission to write stories that WORK for you.
self forgiveness is the key to moving on, but lessons must be observed. Failure does not exist, at least not yet :). mistakes or unexpected twists are what turn good ideas into great ideas. Be not of this world.
Just wanted to say hello Sambo :)
This is wonderful. Thank you for courageously sharing your story, n for deciding to not accept the "randomness" life was throwing at you
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