Poem / "And I'm Trying"

a piece written while sitting in dialysis lost in my own thoughts

And I'm trying...

To make each moment mean something...
To make each day count...
To open eyes that remain locked shut...
Im screaming at the top of my lungs, with barely an audible whisper coming out...
I'm staring myself in the mirror and watching as life changes in an instant...
Inhale, I breathe in an energy never felt before...
Step forward...
Into a dark abyss...
Outstretched arms feel around for my escape...
Tethered, stuck, torn...
I sit...
Feeling the grips of this leash get tighter...
I'd fly away from it all...
Trade every second in, for a single moment of something...
Unknown...
But welcomed...

And I'm trying...

To construct a few sentences to release from my mind...
This...
To release from my heart...
What I can't convey...
In a form or fashion that makes any sense...
But I push forward...
Simply waiting for that split second...
When everything changes for the better...
Small glimmers of light leak in and keep me moving...
In some direction...
As I remain focused...
On a picture I was somehow never present for...
Moments and memories...
So vivid in my mind...
Even though I somehow missed the call...

And I'm trying...

Jumping blindly to my demise...
To make an impact that would shake things up...
Another post for the missing... Lost along the way...
And we're all searching for something...
Few will ever find...
But I'll go through these motions...
I'll walk this path...
Never stopping along the way...
Until I get there...
Wherever "there" is...
And I can only hold hope so tight...
Before it chokes out and vanishes...

And I'm trying...

And you could be the key to it all...
To lock or unlock this cell...
To open the curtains and let light in...
In a single moment...
Everything changes...

And just like that...

We're reminded why it was we came to be...
And reality slaps us in the face and shows us how fragile the ground we stand on can be.

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