Woah, what an entrance! I'm already glued in and can't wait to see more!
As others have said, a bit more polishing and beefing up would definitely make this shine even more. But what you have so far is a fantastic start!
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I am glad you liked it! :D
I have the next one ready and waiting. Will try to polish and beef it a bit because of aforementioned factors though.
In your opinion, how many hours from the last one would you like to see the sequel? My intention was a post a day. But to create a weekly cycle of what I will post.