I went to the café to try and get some work done,
and to give my social anxiety something to contemplate directly face to face,
but after three cups of coffee and zero units of progress on the project due next Friday,
I walked out and quickly straight away from the feeling that every single person in the place was staring at me.
…
I went to the grocery store to buy some things to put in my empty fridge,
but when I arrived I saw a certain someone's car in the parking lot,
and instead of accepting my fate as an injured player in yet another failed relationship and moving on with my life and forward like a normal functional fucking human,
I wandered back home and set up an Instacart account and submitted an order for that same god damn grocery store I tried to fucking go to.
…
I went to the museum to learn about the people who came before me,
and their hopes and dreams and cultures,
but half an hour or so into it I realized I didn't give a shit and left.
…
I went to the woods to look for happiness in the realm of wilderness and nature,
but all I found was loneliness amid ambivalent flora and disinterested fauna,
and an uneasy silence that my mind decided to fill with deafening reminders of all my fuckups over the years.
…
I went to the liquor store to forget the past,
but when I woke up the next day the only thing I couldn't remember was blacking out the night before.
…
I went to the gun shop to buy a pistol for personal protection,
but later that evening while sitting in my room drinking whiskey and trying to think of something to write that wasn't legit garbage I discovered that the barrel was in my mouth and my finger was pulling the trig—