Part five in the story of my life: The saga continues

As you may have read in my earlier post things at home weren't always as a boy my age at that time perhaps wanted or needed. Troughout my youth there have been a lot of problems between me and my parents. Although I always was convinced they did their best they good in their way I found out (many years later) that it did put a heavy weight around my neck which I carried al of those years.

The alcoholism of my mom still played a big role in our life. Whenever there was trouble in the house, or a fight between my mother and father it was always cause of the alcohol. I often thought my father was a weak person, he always bought new bottles of wine or beer for my mother when she was running out of her stash. I couldn't imagine doing that if I was in his shoes, I couldn't imagine providing my partner with the goods that is killing her, that is killing her relation.... I just couldn't imagine that. But (lucky me) I have never been in that situation so I can't tell for sure, but still I can't imagine I would do that.

Go and fetch me a bottle of wine, sure babe...I will be right back... I've heard it many times.

Nowaday's it isn't possible for kids under the age of 18 to buy alchohol, when we were young it was. So my brothers and I often had to go to the local snackbar or supermarket to buy wine or beer,we didn't want to do it but we had...

So what does alcoholism do to a person & to a family
Of course most people have an idea of what someone with a drinking problem can cause to a family, but I just wanted to write down what it caused to us, because it was there such a big part of my life and has wounded all of us in one or another way, it had a major impact on all of us. But according to me,there were litterally relations at stake. If it wasn't for the devotion my wife and I have fo eachtother and the strenthg and believe to stay together.... I do not know where I would be...

People often say "alcolholism is like an drugs addiction' , I think that is way to easy because Alcohol (in my opinion) is far more dangerous than drugs or (as you like)Alcohol is one of the most heavy kind of drugs. And I tell you why. Alcohol is socially completly accepted, when you are having a good time with friends it is totally normal to drink a beer or a good glass of wine. And there is nothing wrong with that, but when someone does that to often or on completly strange hours there is no-one who is saying anything about it. So also that gets accepted along the way.

The strange and sad thing was that my mother wasn't a bad person at all, when she didn't had any drink she was certainly reasonable. We have spent many times talking (in sober condition) why she's doing the things she did and does. And there was never an explanation of which I thought "ok, that makes sense", it was always excuses like "I'm having a hard time with my family" or "I stressed cause of the things your father does" and so on.

But when she drank she totally changed into this lying, mentally abusing and very rude person. She told people stories that are to rude repeat in this post,beyond every imagination. She hurts all people around her without any regret.
Now I must say that indeed things had happend in our home situation that were food for anger, stress etc. But for me, I could never Understand why you are making it worse by drinking and fighting more.

Often when I got out of school my mom was already drinking a lot, and at a certain age you get more empowered to say something about it.So often I said thing like "So,did you already start drinking again" or "You had to mcuh already".. and then she would always say ( with a drunk voice) "How can you say that, this is only my first wine". And when I looked in the garbage can I already saw an empty botle or two. And when I confrontated her with that she always said that it was a bottle from the other night, Or that it was empty because there was only one glass left in it... Lying...lying....lying..

She also hide bottles at the most strange places. I remember one time that my brother and I found a lot of bottles (empty and full) on our attic. with no doubt we emptied all those bottles from out the attic window.. Off course we never have heard of that because than she had to come clean to us.

Like I mentioned in my earlier post, I always was afraid to take friends home because I'd never knew in what kind of state she was. As a kid that is terrible to deal with, you don't want to be ashamed of your parents or how things at your house are going. That is just not something you want tobe thinking about or be busy with.

I do have to admit that someone with a drinking problem is quiteclever when it comes to selecting friends. There were always 'so calledfriends' that also drank a lot or just hadn't had enough friends of their own so they were glad the got a little attention. That was often the case with the friends of my parents. And it has been almost untill the day she passed away.

One time I couldn't take it anymore, the pressure of my homesituation, the problems from my mother. so I wrote the Alcoholic anonymous (out of my mothers name) with the message that I wanted to be called for 'my' drinking problem. I never heard if they did, but I did saw once a flyer at our home... I didn't made any impression though...

This is it for today, I will write again tomorrow and continue my story of life on this great platform..
If you have any questions or comments, please leave them so I can get back to you,

Have a great day,

I write down this story to share my thought and experience with you all, perhaps it will support something, It supports me to give things a place in life

I can just agree on your words..
In my opinion indeed it is more dangerous than other drugs, because the people give alcohol permission! Everybody is drinking beer - but its really a alleyway. One maybe not even recognize he is addicted cause everybody is doing it and so one can still tell his conscience "everybody is doing it" besides they dont know whether they like the taste or just give in to the addiction... the only way to found out would be talking to others, how they feel about it. But if the are concerned about it - in my opinion they would never turn to that thought and OF COURSE - wouldnt talk about it!....
Drinking is also a common thing. YOu can do it in public - different from addictive drugs like heroin or so...

All the best to you from germany,
Johannes :)