I know what I have to do.
...Only I won’t do it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Fear and Loathing. Not the movie, nor even the book by Hunter S Thompson - though these did inspire the title of this post.
I’m talking about Resistance - my own reluctance to do the things I know I need to do to get the results I want. Even things I like to do, like writing, are met with a resounding “meh” as I decide to get another coffee, or beer. Maybe watch another stream on YouTube, or check the Steemit feed again.
Resistance.
I’ve been working at this self-leadership thing for long enough to know that resisting the things I want usually comes from Fear. For some reason, my subconscious finished the phrase:
Fear and Loathing
I never quite understood that title. I thought Loathing meant Hate, a very strong sentiment that I reserve strictly for terrorists and child abusers, and maybe the sound of forks scraping on plates. But as I considered this, another phrase swam to the surface:
I know what I must do, but I am loath to do it.
This is not a direct quote that I know of, rather my memory’s interpretation of various books and movies. Looking it up, I did learn that spelling matters: loathe with an e means to feel hate or disgust. Loath is an adjective, one which perfectly describes how I feel, faced with the choice to resist and stall or just do what I need to do already:
I feel Loathing, and beneath that, Fear.
Loathing means reluctance, and the reason for my inquiry (and my sharing this with you) is this:
I know better than to trust my own mind.
Emotions aren’t facts, they are indicators. Just what they indicate is something for your conscious brain to interpret. If you let your mind run on auto-pilot, that first flush of loathing is followed closely by rational, but unconscious, thoughts:
...I don’t want to do that now.
...There’s no time.
...I’m too tired/overwhelmed, I deserve a break.
You don’t have to listen to them! Let them say their piece, then find the truth:
...I don’t feel ready now, but I won’t feel ready later, either.
...I might not finish, but I can start.
...Tired and overwhelmed can only be helped by getting something done, and getting a good night’s sleep.
Speaking of sleep, I’ve said my piece. I’ve named my demon (Loathing) and survived today’s battle, so now I can rest easy.
Certainly one of the better posts that I've read this month (and one of the few that made me stop and think as I read). I'm very impressed by your breakdown. Thanks for sharing. I found you through the #payitforward contest. You were featured by @ecid. Congratulations and best wishes.
Thank you! And thanks, @ecid, I had no idea! Going there now :D
There is a .02 earnings threshold so you're basically just wasting your votes.
Thanks, I'm aware and trying to cluster my vote together with other weaklings. But sometimes when people are nice to me, they get my vote anyway and I hope others follow suit. I'm very organic like that.
Woah this was a really fun read. I really enjoyed the length and the content.
Main highlights for me:
Enjoyed the light humour as well :)
Thanks for the post @wholeself-in
Thank you! Nice to see conscious humans around this place :D
This is a topic I've thought about a lot, and have even written about, because it's something I struggle with too. "Don't want to." and "I don't have the energy for that." seem to be good enough 'reasons' to procrastinate. And yes, it really does seem to boil down to fear.
I am the sort of person who takes a "You can't make me." attitude to my own advice! A book that helped me with that was "How to get Control of Your Time and Your Life" by Alan Lakein. 1973, so probably not in print. He doesn't push you to do anything so it's hard to generate the resistance I'd feel otherwise.
One exercise he suggests to help with the times you create busywork instead of doing the important things is to put a chair in the middle of the room and sit in it. And just sit there in the awareness that you might as well be sitting and doing nothing - at all - rather than wasting your time pretending you're too busy to do the thing.
I did that once and it was enough that all I have to do now is think about it and suddenly doing the thing seems a better choice.
But the best idea and the one I've used the most, goes along with your "I might not finish, I can start..." idea. He suggests saying to yourself, "I don't want to do that and I'm not going to! I am going to hire someone to do it for me!" But then, you know, if you're going to pay someone, maybe you could arrange things to make it easier for them so it won't cost so much. Maybe make them some notes, pull out some files, make a call or two, just to help this fictional assistant. I really like this one because I can be defiant and still do the thing!
Great article!
Thanks! That chair exercise sounds reeeallly hard! Might have to put myself through that. I think some people call that "meditating" (hehe).
It sounds like you may be the Rebel - based on the framework of The Four Tendencies, the Rebel doesn't want to listen to anyone, even herself, so it helps to trick or coax yourself as you describe. I am the Questioner. I listen to myself but question everything else, unless I can assign my own "why" to the problem. I guess that makes me extra succeptible to my own BS when my mind starts making excuses.
I'd not heard of that theory but it sounds spot-on. Yes, Rebel here with maybe a tinge of the Obliger. Very interesting! And no wonder Lakein's book helped me (aha!) because it's full of tricks like that - coaxing not pushing.
Meditating would be a good use of the sit in the chair exercise. Don't think we could call that wasting time either, right? ;-}
I find my mind doing somewhat similar things. I also thought this was about the movie :D
Loved the post though :)
It is very true that emotions are not facts, but yet many of us are driven to make decisions based on our emotions. Pretty big ones, too. And while some of those decisions, like marriage or whether to start a family, or even to take a job or to move probably should involve some feelings, there should be reasons beyond the emotions for them. Reasons that make sense.
I wish you luck with conquering your fear and loathing, whatever they may be.
Thanks! Yes, emotions can also tell us something important. As you said, big decisions should include insight into the emotions involved.
Yet we often take actions (or inaction) based on emotion, without even realizing it or recognizing how those emotions could change. Little, daily decisions that add up to big ones, over time.
I appreciate you stopping by to add your thoughts.
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Thanks. Voted! I still feel violated though - my nice, new, original article has a big "SCAM" stamp.
Perhaps you could code in a second comment with a warm blanket for the unwilling host of the spam/ scam comment?
Maybe with a comforting, informative post like this one: https://steemit.com/justbecause/@bashadow/you-have-lost-control-of-your-account-what-now
Anyway, thanks for your work.
Thank you for the plug there, I like what he is doing but, yeah he needs to let people know what to do to recover their accounts, all of them that help need to give a link to what to do now, to get out of jail, so to speak.
That's the one I say to myself a lot. mostly when I grow tired of the same ole same ole day in day out, then i find something else to do, until it catches up to me again, damn demons they just don't take no for an answer any more.
That's my main demon, right there. That and the "no time" one.
Hav you heard of the story of "the vampire of Steemit" @ipromote? please read it: https://steemit.com/fight/@goldenpath/let-s-fight-agaist-the-vampire-of-steemit-ipromote-together