Good afternoon or whatever.
My name is @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself.
Today I have a very special announcement. If you possess superior deductive reasoning skills, you may have already figured out what I am about to say. For those who are a little bit behind the curve, please pay close attention or you will not be able to figure out why you are here, now.
The announcement will be made shortly. Are you fully prepared for receiving an announcement? If not, I'd like to suggest you take the time to perform all necessary measures. If you do not know what is required of you to be able to receive an announcement properly, please refer to your owner's manual, page 42. If you have misplaced your owner's manual, please call 911 immediately and explain your situation to one our friendly representatives.
This paragraph is your final warning. The announcement is on it's way. Any injury or loss of life beyond this point due to mismanaged announcement receiving preparations shall be considered the sole responsibility of the applicant.
The Official Announcement
Strap in, let's go.
My eyes are for sale.
If you would like to purchase my eyes, simply send 1 SBD to the wallet of @nonameslefttouse. In the field of 'memo', include the link to the post you wish to apply my eyes to. Once all is said and done, my eyes will be transferred to your post and from there I will look. If I like what I see, I might vote. If I do not like what I see, I will not vote. If I get there and see a picture of a penis or an insult directed towards yours truly, I will downvote the post and call the authorities. No refunds.
Bonus Offer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For a limited time only, send another 2 SBD to the wallet of @nonameslefttouse with included link to post within field of 'memo' and you will receive one of three prewritten comments. Comments may not always be of a positive nature. $3.99 for each additional comment. Please inquire internally for full conversation packages. No refunds.
Conclusion
This concludes everything you've just read. If you are of misunderstandings, feel free to send 1 SBD to the wallet of @nonameslefttouse with the code 'help' fastened to the field of 'memo' and you will be given instructions on how to unlock the top portion of this announcement.
Thank you for nice day.
The times aren't what they used to be... Now one has to PAY to have someone peer through their window. What is this world coming to...
Pay per view is the future of the world.
Very clear view.
My windows are dirty.
Damn manual! I knew I should have saved it. I had to sell it man. Times are hard.
You were told at birth to never sell the manual. The authorities are on their way and you will be ticketed.
Sorry, didn't have the full SBD to send, but I had a post which looked like it could use a few votes. I had to encrypt it though, too secret.
Edit: Actually... here you go https://steemit.com/life/@nonameslefttouse/day-one-defeated
That brings back some embarrassing memories. I did everything I said I'd do though.
I am a witch. I see you are selling eyes, but I need a glottis. If you have a glottis in stock, I have several eyes that I can trade you at a discount (no limitations, you can resell them). Cornea not included.
Posted using Partiko Android
Fresh out of glottis. Would you be interested a pinna or a glabella?
Ooof. I have all I need of those thanks. Hope you find some buyers for your eyeballs!
Sure beats selling my ass.
The speaker store, Sure Beats is selling your ass? Hm.
I do love a rump roast. But internet personality flesh tends to be a bit too gamey.
Posted using Partiko Android
I think you stumbled onto something good here... Hey! Maybe we could automate it!
I could easily automate this procedure but I'd have to capitalize my eyes. Eyes. See, it's different, and I don't have to look now because it's a corporation.
Why is page 42 always the one that is missing!?
Because page 41 talks about toilet paper alternatives. Major flaw in design.
Phew, that's a relief! There's always a good explanation
Yup. It's just too bad they flush that explanation down the toilet every goddamn time.
At least it's thin paper. It wouldn't do to have blockages
Nothing worse than having to stick your hand down the shitter pipe to retrieve the nasties.
Indeed, especially when you are smoking a cigar at the same time and for a dreadful moment get all confused
🤣🤣🤣 That's friggin hilarious.
How long is this offer open for? It appears the post I was going to link to, has already had the privilege of receiving your eyes. As well as an upvote. Thanks for that!
This offer is open for as long as I can see. And yes I was over there recently, browsing through the merchandise, making a mess of your shelves.
Indeed the purest form of bullshit, the real send xx sbd to yyyyy wallet one.
Though you get a vote for the parody sir!
Thanks! And no, those aren't typos!
So you want to compete with the bot eh? LOL
@nonameslefttouse
Hell yeah. I'm taking this business to the moon and leaving these bots here in hell to rot.
Nothing is free 😝, even blessings...
Would you like a free response?
Nope, everything has a price now on the blockchain :)
Please send 1 SBD for previous response and 2 SBD for this response.
Haha, that tts audible version of this is actually hilarious! Even the computerized voice pronounces your name no-names-left-house, lol!
That thing is half-baked. It's too bad it didn't come with a choice of accent and the option to use a monotone voice to go along with it. Notice how things like "Strap in, let's go." don't include exclamation points? Yeah... Very boring this character is.
@brandt wasn't fully prepared for receiving your announcement and so unfortunately he died. Fortunately, however, you have been named his sole heir. To claim your inheritance, please send 1,000 SBD to the wallet of @brandt with 'eye, @nonameslefttouse, sole heir' in the memo field. Thanks you much!!
Memo field? Do you not mean the field of 'memo'? I do not understand this memo field? What do they grow? Post It notes?
I do not have any very excellent knowings of Post It notes, so please accept my severe apologies for this error. I am still of the learning. It will be happen soon. Yes, the field of 'memo' is where you shall put 'eye, @nonameslefttouse, sole heir' in order to claim your vast inheritance which is very large. Please send 1,000 SBD immediately at your convenience. Thanks you much!!
Opportunity sounds fascination. One to two question? How for long it take arrival? And where then?
Arrival is very quickly within your transaction of 1,000 SBD to @brandt. You will certainly be of the inheritance shortly then. Directly to your wallet! Yes thanks you much!!
Forward looking wellness I am. Excitedly planting memo fields for direct wallet extravaganza shenanigans. Much thanks you too.
My 1 key got stuck
No refunds.
keep the change!
I hope you know I actually followed through even though I straight up said this post was bullshit.... LOL!
Sometimes the quality of those curated posts makes me follow through
I'm following that account now.
Nice. There are 240+ curators for @c-squared. A lot of content gets resteemed by that account, and @c-cubed picks the best 10 for a full vote each day and lists them in a post. There are usually a few each day I like, and rarely anything less than appealing.
I just got a message. My post yesterday had the second most comments on the entire platform. Third, but I don't include musing.io. My post earned under $10. 1st place was teamsteem's reward curve post. $700+. Fuck my life... LOL!
I wish I new the reason why 99% of my following refuses to vote most days. Then at least I could improve and hopefully get back on track.
A fine effort!
I was in 3rd the day before, musing (deffo doesn't count), and some kind of 105% scammy thing.
I think you're active following probably are voting most days, there are just so many in-actives / vote sellers.
jamesc took back delegations from 4 distributors yesterday, it's going to get tougher for content creators before it gets better...
What if I sent you about 0.02 sbd?
Posted using Partiko Android
You'd be attempting to rip me off.
Does that make every reply, theft?
Hrmmmm...
First one's free. If you need more, you know where to find me.
We regret to inform you your Enjar Chat Cat (ECC) account balance has dipped below 1 SBD. Due to cats being lazy and having great eyesight we must move on to other clientele.
Please message stop if you wish to stop receiving this message.
Starp.