I sincerely appreciate those of you that have welcomed me back with kind and warm regards. It's truly been a much needed outlet and source of inspiration to reconnect with old friends and meet some new folks.
I patched things up and opened up to the in-laws and my wife today. It's very complex being part of a completely different culture and that's especially true as we all are struggling to get by and figure out post-pandemic life.
The tension I created foolishly was thick enough to cut with a knife and it I felt lighter after apologizing and admitting I've got some issues I've been dealing with since I first found my dads xanax as a 12 year old and proceeded to regularly steal and snort them. Around the same time I had a severe double fracture in my left arm and got that first shot of morphine and the hydrocodone rx to take home. Sheeeeit I basically stayed lit like a Xmas tree for the next 20 years or so. For the most part I successfully switched up my drugs and only chronically smoked copious amounts of cannabis. But, eventually in my 20s both early and late I succumbed to full blown junky life.
The latter of which absolutely took me to the brink many times and rock bottom became home. Through the internet and mainly the plant kratom I kicked the habit eventually and life got better but I still had my bouts and battles that would lead me to the tenderloin open air drug market in San Francisco. A place that eventually took 3 of my closest friends, more like brothers. Ultimately what saved me was meeting my wife online and moving across the planet to a country with capital punishment for drug offenders. I have stayed clean but not sober as I still drink beer a few times a week. I'm not really in control of that though as if I'm drinking it's heavily like 12-18 beers and sometimes the monster comes out.
I won't drag on with this but I do want to put it out there that this platform is ripe for a harm reduction and/or support group of fellow addicts. I mean it's anonymous and for me a safe place to be open and honest. Maybe someone might want to start a community I'm not savvy enough to do such things and I'm not sure I can be consistently available to lead that kind of project, but it's not the worst idea IMHO.
I drove out to the port today with my wife and we got some salty ionized air in us and are prepared for the announcement of another strict lockdown tomorrow. I am having a difficult time with the phone and cursor here and thankfully a draft was saved as something happened and I got sent adrift. Exactly why I'm not the one to start anything here as it's just too cumbersome and clunky, but I'll put up with because so many of you have put up with my belligerent arrogance for so long. Stay safe and love the ones your with and also the ones you're not with.
Peace Love & Grooviness Bro
I'm down with all of that, and right back atchu! I just realised you are mondoshawan not mondoshawn 😂 my drain bamage is real! 🙄🖖💜
😆 welcome to the club man
Not discounting the shit you been through because I don’t know what it’s all about I don’t dig the whole comparing suffering arguments but getting to this point where you are now is a level I still need to get to myself
I still struggle to sack up and admit I am wrong and even when I do it’s begrudgingly so and not as honest as it should be!
I think I still also have a few years to be pissed off and I don’t feel I MUST change it immediately but I’ll get to your level when the time is right!
I’m sure it still doesn’t feel like “you” as transitions tend to take time to crystallise!
Just hope you don’t lose the ability to be a high quality asshole when it’s needed, some of your delivery is superb and so on the nose at times!
This a classic also on target response I've come to know you for. I mean damn, that was perfectly put!
I completely empathize with that feeling of not being ready to let go of the anger and I also can't begin to know what lead you to that place but take your time with it.
It doesn't feel fully crystallised and I can't own it as you astutely noted transitions aren't starkly contrasted or compartmentalised. I think I'm about 8 or so years older than you if I recall, I'm 39 and my early 30s is when I first began to kind of mature on some recognizable level. Though I'm fully capable of regression and it's not a pretty picture. I am my own worst enemy and always have been. My suffering is mostly due to stupidity and ego.
Don't fret on the losing my assholeishness 😂 it's a finely tuned craft and intend to keep it readily available just in case.
Have a good one bro, you might not be exactly where you aim to be yet, but you could have easily fooled me as I think you're one of the most observant and level headed minds I've come across.
read this and went out to have a smoke. glad that is my only addiction. so will not pretend to know what you were going through. Happy that it is working out for you at the moment.
Hey thanks man great to see you're around, I just figured out ecency that you recommended long ago. It's great!
they are working. also not sure did you miss dapplr. it looks nice on the phone :D
Never heard of that one. I'm having a moral dilemma here seeing as there's a contest to recruit fascists. While I don't philosophically advocate censorship I am more strongly opposed to being part of a community that pretends this isn't a greed. If it weren't a monetized experiment there wouldn't be the same impetus to welcome demented minds. We have plenty as is apparently.
Cheers
check it out on the store. it is just a mobile app. they did a good job, and working on it.
i had the dilemma of do i want to see some of the people that would want to come here at this time and yet it is a great opportunity for people to hear about it.
spending some time on this topic on twitter i seen a lot of people that don't look like Nazis or fascists that are concerned about censorship. And my thoughts were exactly that, if a platform can ban the president of US no one is safe for sure.
I seen today hiveonboard account is gone from twitter. i am sure they were not attempting to organize a revolution against US.
It's certainly a polarising situation.
I'm afraid it won't matter where anyone here stands on it the powers that be will not soon be tolerating opportunistic endeavors that stand in opposition to the controllers.
I'll look into the other app, twitter suspends me all the time for complete bs but it's whatever I'm a proponent of rationalist accelerationism..
Glad things are mending for you and you have admitted about your drinking issue is a great start to working on that.👍
Indeed, it's boredom and a lack of cannabis. If I could smoke i wouldn't care to drink a drop.