Thanks for being open to discussing this.
I've had a lot of conversations with women in tech, as well as lawyers and other fields. Some spend a lot of time thinking about sexism and how it has held them back. Others embrace the opportunities they are given as a women. For instance, tech conference panels are always looking to pad their all-male panels with a female face, which can be hard to find. Certain successful mentors of both genders often want to see more women in tech, so they can be more open to female mentees. Some in the legal or real estate profession bemoan that many male clients are more interested in dating than business, others appreciate that they have a leg up at the top of the funnel.
Both of these approaches have a strong basis in reality - there is intentional and unintentional sexism, and women are also afforded certain opportunities because of their gender. I'd love to see the dialog around sexism in tech embrace a more balanced view that takes into account both, because unless or until there is full equality of opportunity, ambitious women would do well to take advantage of the opportunities they have.
You know, I've been in this position and turned the offer down to speak on the "women's panel" because I felt I was being ghettoized for my gender when they offered the person who forwarded the offer to me, a fellow make executive, with a full 30 minute speaking slot. I pointed out their actual creation of separation in trying to unify for a cause and they rectified quickly.
There is no one answer. We need to change culture.