The loss of your dreams for it child's future can be very devastating and I think it's good to grieve that loss so that we don't get stuck on the "what if".. Though I still get stuck on that at times! So I think the two co-exist.. We lose and we gain at the same time, and whatever we feel about it is whatever we feel. :)
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Very true, they do kind of exist together, it’s almost impossible to stop the thoughts popping into your head despite your best efforts.