I love the descriptors you used, alabaster roads, crimson sky etc. Certainly sets a level of visuals, that if not setting the picture in your minds eye, at least lends to the mood and overall impressions.
I'm taking the bait, you left just enough in to establish some settings, but took out enough to intrigue. Looking forward to more, and maybe a little more universe expanding.
If you want to work on your formatting and stuff Here is a markdown tutorial, markdown is the language that let's you bold Italicize and otherwise format things to flow a little better, or add emphasis to important parts.
Thanks for the upload, and I look forward to more!
Edit: tags are important, and you only get 5. on the left side of your main feed is a list of tags, you can also search them more in depth here you can sort them by posts, comments, and payouts, the first tag in your array is the 'Main Tag' and will be the one your post is found under. Proper tagging can mean a lot more exposure to the kinds of people that want to see your content.
Thank you very much and solid advice. i didn't know what tags to use, so ill do that from now on. the markdown tutorial ill be checking out now.
Glad I could help