Wow, yeah, this does explain a lot. I am really curious about a few things, one of being the "inability to cry".....I have this same issue, and I think it maybe is something worth looking into.
The bullying part really breaks my heart to learn about. That has got to be a raw source of pain for you.
I share some of these characteristics, namely, the "eye contact" thing and massive social anxiety....
TMI: in my college days, I used to make elaborate walking plans from classes, in order to avoid running into certain people (usually, it was someone I liked.)....and i could not look people in the eye at all.
I often have been curious what would happen if a bunch of us who have similar personalities would do in real life.....btw, I can also relate to you completely in regards to dropping out of social life...
Usually when people are talking, i have trouble hearing them, as I have usually slipped back into a constantly running internal fantasy world, that is all consuming.....I wonder if we shall meet one day.....maybe we can all go live in Puerto Rico in the Slothicorn Collective.....
it seems that people with aspergers tend to have trouble relating emotionally, which is likely tied into the crying thing. Based on your descriptions you very well could fall somewhere on the spectrum. It's impossibly to know for sure how many people fit in the ASD world, since it's typically not diagnosed.
Another part of the trouble relating emotionally thing is that a lot of times folks who aren't on the spectrum are communicating what's appropriate socially and emotionally indirectly and expecting autistic folks to pick up on it in the same way folks who aren't autistic can. We don't necessarily learn that way. I don't always pick up social cues or the ones that I do pick up I fixate on as part of my "routine". Many folks on the spectrum find it a lot easier to relate emotionally when others directly explain what is expected of them or wanted from them.
Like your post keep come
Yeah, the eye contact thing was a hard thing for me to tackle. When I first became aware that eye contact was important I felt like a monkey in the wild. NO EYE CONTACT because to make eye contact means aggression.
Eventually I learned that a little aggression was a good thing and more people than not are very uncomfortable with real eye contact. They tend to focus on someone's nose, chin, or eyebrows; rarely the eyes.
Most of my social anxiety starts at the THOUGHT of getting dressed up and physically leaving my house but once I'm at a social engagement I'm fine. Most of the time I realize I'm having fun once I'm there. But I know my triggers so if I'm feeling overwhelmed I either spend a little extra time in the bathroom (if I'm in public) or I help out in the kitchen if I'm at someone's house. :)