I can relate to many of the things you discuss. Perhaps most people can, actually. I dunno. I'm not most people =p
Having no social support can be extraordinarily challenging, and leaves one feeling alone in a boat lost at sea, emotionally. I have eventually begun to come to grips with the fact that I am fortunate to have no immediate family that is close to me, given the toxicity of the people involved.
I guess that's why they're not close, as I don't tolerate such emotionally assaultive behaviour. I see no value in it, no good purpose, and waste as little time on it as possible.
I have discovered that I am fine being alone. At least I am in company I can trust.
I wish you well on the long journey unraveling the seemingly tangled and yet disconnected threads of the major and minor traumas that ensue from even a normal childhood, much less one complicated by challenges not faced by most folks.
I'm really grateful to my family, who have always been supportive of me. If it wasn't for them I would have bigger problems. Then again, I've historically been fairly detached from them.
Right now I'm living by faith that I can find a way in this world still, because the past isn't encouraging.
The truth is that your faith is rewarded, because there is no mandatory replay button on your life. What has been is over, and what will be is entirely up to you to receive as you will. You are completely free to embrace every present moment with joy as it comes. Do not fear falling short of that vision, as visions aren't reality, after all.
'The past is history. The future's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.'--Eleanore Roosevelt