Interesting subject - wife and I have discussed this many times over the 35 years we've been together. We've decided that we're lucky that both of us enjoy the state of mind that cannabis brings, and we've seen the struggles that couples have when only one of them gets high. There is an undeniable separation that occurs.
Now ... I am a creature of the 20th century with all its old habits, instincts, defenses. We couldn't be shamelessly open about it and it always had a stigma attached. But even today, you must admit to yourself (not being a user of mind-altering substances) that it disappoints you to see people use "a crutch" to enjoy their lives. No? I understand that you've made your peace with it, but you must still wish that she'd join you in your world view instead of habitually returning to hers - a place that's difficult for you to go.
Others have pointed to the social anxiety issue and I agree. Many of us have a hard time behaving "naturally" around people we don't know well. So we drink, or we smoke, in order to put a curtain between us and those around us. That's part of the distance you feel when you're with her in public and she's high. You're separated from her along with the others, and if others are high, they seem to have an affinity with her that you don't have at the time. Ouch.
My advice to you, from a man who has smoked for 50 years, 35 of them with his wife, is to find that place in your own mind that she finds when she's high. If you want to live your life with her, you must confront the difference between your approach to "reality" and hers. You can meet in the middle and that's fun and everything, but at some point you're going to have to live there. Can you? What will you have to sacrifice? Examine yourself. Are you waiting for her to grow up and quit smoking? Truly, what if she won't/can't/doesn't?
I won't make light of it. It's a serious issue - not because it's cannabis but because it's something you don't share. Perspective, worldview, the manner in which we overcome obstacles, are all things that a couple must eventually share.
Find that state of mind in yourself that people find when they're high. The two of you do well together, but you feel apart from her when she's with other people who are high and you're not.
As to why we reach for cannabis so often ... there are valid and invalid reasons. Mostly we feel more "right" when we're high around others. There's an axiom about introverted vs extroverted people: Extroverts gain energy from a crowd, and introverts lose energy. How do you each approach a crowd?
Good luck!
Absolutely brilliant comment.
"That's part of the distance you feel when you're with her in public and she's high. You're separated from her along with the others, and if others are high, they seem to have an affinity with her that you don't have at the time."
Exactly this! I feel left out, at a lower level so to speak.
"The two of you do well together, but you feel apart from her when she's with other people who are high and you're not."
Yes, yes, and yes again. This is exactly how I feel. & that invokes the anger within me.
"My advice to you, from a man who has smoked for 50 years, 35 of them with his wife, is to find that place in your own mind that she finds when she's high."
I'm not sure how to do this. If I can do this I'll be ok with it.
Thank you so very much for this!