The two biggest things people are surprised to learn about me are; that I am not an underwear model, and I’m not a pothead. I would love to be a stoner and walk around fucked up all day but my body won’t allow it. People ask me to smoke out with them all the time and I’m like, “Sure, if you want to watch me take a nap.” I take one puff and I’ll sit there like a mute retard for half an hour and then pass out. Having said that, when I get high, I sleep like a baby on two tablespoons of Benadryl. Unfortunately, I’m a grown ass adult. So I can’t sneak out behind the garage and come back smelling like I just got home from a Snoop Dog concert.
I decided to combine my love of being naughty, cooking, and passing the fuck out in a coma; and make my own THC e-Juice. I Googled several recipes but they were all very different so I combined a few recipes to see what would happen.
The first thing to do is go to a state with legal recreational marijuana to purchase and cook, which I totally did. I definitely didn't buy half an ounce off some kid at work who I wound up having to fire for being a lazy piece of shit. Chop up your completely legal weed to increase the surface area of your nugs, but don’t grind it to a powder.
This part is important: You need heat to activate the THC. That’s why you smoke or bake weed to get fucked up. Otherwise, you just wind up with some bullshit that cures cancer or helps your grandma’s glaucoma. Take your hippie salad and bake it at 220 degrees for 30-40 minutes. This is called decarboxylation. Basically, as soon as your house starts to smell like a skunk’s asshole and your cabbage turns slightly brown it is ready. You don’t want to burn off all the good stuff.
Next, pour the highest percent alcohol you can find over your decarboxylated weed to where it just covers it. Don’t get greedy and use half a bottle or you’ll wind up with weak juice.
Put your alcohol solution in the freezer between an hour and a month, depending on how patient you are. This will help extract the THC from your Jerry Garcia highball. Once done, take your concoction and let it get to room temperature. We’re going to be putting this shit on the stove, and heating up ice cold grain alcohol can get a little explodey. Fill up a pan with water and put your weed in it. Heat it up to about 140 degrees and cook until most of the alcohol has evaporated. Strain out what’s left into another container, top off your weed jar with more alcohol and do it again…and again. This will give you some happy, green, THC filled ambrosia.
Strain out your mixture with a coffee filter to get all the organic particles out.
Pour it into something large and flat, like a baking pan, and set it out over-night to evaporate.
I put it under a fan to speed up the process. My mix wound up something like this.
I added the remnants of my last attempt and didn’t strain it so it came out dirtier than it should have. In a perfect world, it should theoretically be prettier and more of an amber color (or so the internet told me). Scrape that shit up with a razor blade. It should be a thick, syrupy goo.
Recipes for THC E-juice call for a mixture of propylene glycol and vegetable glycerin. I went for straight vegetable glycerin for reasons I can’t remember while drunk and ordering ingredients from Amazon. I mixed my THC goo with 5 ounces of glycerin. I’m 100% sure I got greedy as fuck and used WAY too much glycerin, but whatever. I’ll just smoke more. Heat up the glycerin and add your essence of Willy Nelson. Cook for 20 minutes over medium heat, stirring constantly.
I added a little almond extract to my mix for a nice Amaretto taste. Put your e-juice into a cheap vaporizer and enjoy getting high while not carrying around paraphernalia or smelling like you just butt fucked Peppy Le Pew.
I had to strain my mix again because it still had a bunch of green shit floating around from the old batch I added and made it hit pretty harsh.
I took the leftover weed slag and put it into an innocent looking empty bottle of olive oil and filled it up with the rest of my grain alcohol to sit on a shelf for a few months. That lasted all of two days before I started doing shots because I ran out of wine. Man, I got Fuuuuuuucked up, passed out, and was high as fuck the entire next day. It was a tough day at work.
The juice was passable but I have a lot more work to do. If anyone has any suggestions I’d be happy to hear your experiences making E-Juice. Honestly, I preferred the alcohol slag shots more than anything else, but maybe it’s just because it has enough alcohol to make you go blind.
Laughing out loud, by myself, three or four times minimum (or about the same number of times it takes for a kid to learn it's not a party wetting their bed 🛏).
Good luck on the next batch, maybe film that roller coaster adventure of bottom chef and start your own YouTube weed cooking channel.
Bravo Sir, keep the weed experiments coming: Cancer and glaucoma can get in line.
Better yet, only use weed that was prescribed for those patients on your next foray into abusing alcohol (evaporating it? WTF son?!?) and then have those patients read your post.
Laughter, after all these years, is still the best medicine.
Unless you were bitten by Old Yeller post rabies infection. Then you're fucked.
🙂
"Bottom Chef" That might be my new tag line.
I love hearing that my misadventures gave someone a chuckle.
It's yours with my blessing 🤜🤛
If you're serious about a dtube comedy/cooking/ranting about whatever's funny show, try to make it to Steemfest 3 next year. I'd love to have a few (ok, a LOT) of drinks together and spitball ideas.
I hear the internet can reach lots of people...
When you find out when and where Steemfest 3 is going to be, and if its somewhere close to America, I'll buy the first round.
You're on brother.
id watch the weed channel XD it would make a decent tutorial.
Weed channel XD? Where do I find this? Youtube?
I meant if you were to record this and post it as a video I'd watch it. YOU are the weed channel. Now go make videos for steemits version of YouTube (dtube.video) and get rich. Happy new year!
I have stage fright. Come to Houston and I'll write and shoot shows and you can be the face.
uh a chance to be a star? hell yeah!
lol
or better yet just cgi me over yours hahahaaa
It's not a party wetting the bed? Someone should have told me..
Brilliant post - you have inspired me to get my vape out, it's been nearly 24 hours...
Sprinkle some crack on them shits. You might wind up sucking a few dicks for an extra hit, but it's totally worth it.
Are you sure you are not an underwear model?
I remember that picture. It was before I started working out. I've made some sick gains since then.
What's a dick amongst friends..
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2 things....
And 2... don't judge me if I wanna smell like I just ass raped Pepe Lepew ..
Love the humor you bring to your posts... Happy New Year
This process took a stupid amount of time, but playing mad scientist is fun for me so it was worth the time and money just to be able to fuck around in the kitchen and possibly burn the house down. I did take a few breaks to masturbate to amateur cougar cuckold gangbang porn. Since then, I've eaten everything in the house with sugar in it and watched all three seasons of Rick and Morty, twice.
Definitely wish we had more home “cartridge” makers as it were, but unfortunately the low price of budget carts, and the extremely high price of the equipment for full spectrum CO2 extraction to make the higher quality ones has left few people interested.
That being said, for those that are, I know that there are propylene glycol/vegetable glycerin mixes meant for this that you can dissolve a gram of shatter into. It’s that simple. No flower, no decarbing, just a $15-20 gram of budget shatter and the juice.
That seems much quicker and cheaper for practical purposes.
While getting Youtube certified in E-juice making I saw all the fancy equipment I can't afford and I saw several people telling me to buy the, easy pg/vg liquid. I think next time I'm going to not try and reinvent the wheel and just buy the premade shit.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about the mad scientist shit. But the fact of the matter is, depending on where you live, you can get a bottle of this stuff, add $15-20/grams of budget shatter to it, it will dissolve itself, and you’ll have a big bottle of end product that depending on how much you invest, should be better than what the budget cart companies are putting out, for no more than the price of maybe 2-3 store carts. And I’m talking enough to make like 10 “1g carts.”
Dude you are hilarious thanks for the laugh. I vape as well for pretty much the same reasons.
I am so sad that I only discover you after 1 month from this post! I am also an estimator of cooking weed, I have made a post about making sandwich with weed here around 20 days ago
https://steemit.com/steemitsandwichcontest/@sandrina.life/steemit-sandwich-contest-week-happy-panino
My way of cooking is more wild and less sophisticated than your. I don't do juices, I don't have the explanation why I should not cut it in powder or I should not burn it completely but I just learned how to do it, old style, in rough quantity and I have to slightly fry weed in small pieces instead of oregano or sage when I do sauce for pasta or oil/ butter for sandwiches.
It makes me trip balls and that's how I like it.
I hope to share more happy recipes with you =) in the future
Shit. I just read your sandwich post. It looks like you have your technique down perfectly well. I'll be following you for some Italian recipes, weed or not.
I'm glad you liked my post. Sorry it takes a while for me to respond to comments. My weeks are hectic so I catch up on the weekends. You should try simmering your weed in lots of butter for 30 minutes to an hour and strain it out. You get all the goodness into the butter and then you just use it like you regularly would for any recipe.
Ah! Thanks! However I don't do much of Italian recipes. I live in Cambodia and find decent ingredients to adapt to Italian recipes is not that easy.
I'm might make some simple pasta with pesto and ganja today for lunchtime, in case I post it I'll let you know :)
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