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Yeah ok, so I was looking at the board the right way after all.
You're saying that if I move Bb7- anywhere, then Qb6-b2 isn't checkmate? Dude, what are you smoking?

The white pawn is at a3 ... it is moving forward!! So if white plays Qb2+, black says "Thanks!" and takes the queen with his king! :-)

Yeah, I wonder what I'm smoking.

How the hell did the black king get all the way to the other side of the board?