A Cyclops
by any other name would smell as sweet...and yet I am still alone in my cave. I am pushing 2,700 years old and still single, folks. Time to panic yet?
I can tell you one tactic that doesn't work particularly well. Hiding in a bush until a fair maiden walks by turns out to be a terrible way to make a good first impression. Even if you are holding a flower between your teeth.
This dry spell has gone on so long that at this point I have pretty much stopped putting myself out there at all. I mean, even the skeleton of my last fling has long since crumbled to dust.
Another issue is, I don't even know myself anymore! How can I expect someone else to love me, when I don't even like what I have become? Spineless, wasting away in the dark, afraid to even try for fear of rejection?
There is a toad on the island that secretes a venomous milk. That toad doesn't wonder what the fuck it is doing, it just hops around and croaks and trips out anything that touches it. That toad is my hero.
So I have been smoking that shit. The toad venom. Things may have gone from bad to worse. My flesh melted off my face and my bones merged with the cavern walls to form an unbroken matrix of ivory.
Do chicks dig that? Matrices of ivory instead of a face?
Cyclops Stomp!
I have an inkling of what to try next. A sweet, gentle, melodious love song ought to do the trick.
COM I am counting on you fine folks to find me a date. If I can't find someone who will stoop down to my level in your crowd, I am well and truly screwed.
Fuck it! I'm in.
Let's do a charity fun run. Get Cyclops a date.
There is no date... ONLY @ZUUL
Oh hello, gorgeous
Are you the keymaster?
YES! Yes, I believe I happen to be the... keymaster.
COM folk you can call off the search, I found my huckleberry :)
That one eye was starting to creep me out, must be the effects of the toad venom. Thanks for your entry, @cyclops.
Hey @amirtheawesome1, come find a date for cyclops.
I will date Amir he sounds awesome
I think that must be doable to find you a date! Let's see, maybe @diebitch is happy to have a nice night out together? It kind of depends on where you both live of course, and if you're willing to travel if needed...
Oooof I don't know I just checked the profile and I am pretty sure @diebitch is way out of my league :( On the plus side, I do have an entire private island to myself in the Mediterranean, so I guess that might at least give me a chance?
That might be in your advantage yes :) Let's see what she thinks herself when she reads it :)
Hey let me ask you something as a woman. I mean, let me ask you something as a Cyclops, and you can answer as a woman. I do have a magic lamp, just concerned that if I lead with that I won't ever know if someone loves me for me or for the magic lamp. You think I should play all my cards up front to increase my chances? Or wait until I am sure I have found "the one" and then just sort of casually mention it? BTW this is the most words I have exchanged with a woman in centuries! Thank you! I feel the rust coming off already :)
This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.
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