Introduction
his funny post, taking us on a journey of "wtf" and #awks moments! It's taken me a while to think of something amusing to enter for the contest but I thought I'd share with you some experiences I have had in my current temp job of Technical Support (Customer Service).Before I start with the entry, a big thanks to @dandays for the nomination from
Currently, I am working at a company that manufactures scientific equipment and, like with any machinery that gets used a lot (or even if the equipment has been sat in a lab for months or in some cases years), they will need servicing or they breakdown. This is where a Customer Service department comes in and there have been some amusing incidents that may well cause you to do this... and often:
Customer Service
It's not the most glamorous of positions but I somehow ended up doing a temporary job at said company where, effectively, I am on a team...sorry, I AM the team and I like to think of myself as the "Guardian of the Phones" (sounds a little more epic than "Service Rep"). Nonetheless, if I am not around to pick up the phone, well... no-one else will.
Since I started the role, I have probably answered the phone at least 100 times and I have started developing a few games to help get through the monotony of taking calls. I'd sooner do this and sound like a human rather than sound like one of those robotic reps you usually hear that are only able to stick to a script and any deviation from that script causes a system malfunction and a few "errr... umm" moments later, you wonder if you have become one of them...
So, let's play the patented "Nicky Havey's Customer Service Sanity Check" game, starting off with...
The "Fun-etic" Alphabet
Get used to the dad jokes and puns here folks :P
I am of course talking about the phonetic alphabet, which was created by NATO to ensure the correct spelling of words were made when communicating by radio or old telephones where the signal wasn't clear. A for Alpha, B for Bravo and so on and so forth. If you want, you can read the full history from Wikipedia here. Before I started this job, I had some idea of the letters but I decided to print off the phonetic alphabet and pinned it on the notice board just behind my computer screen so I can see it (tricks of the trade folks, tricks of the trade).
Here is the NATO phonetic alphabet SourceNow, even in today's age, phone signal isn't always great and a lot of our customers have loud machinery going in the background so it's pretty important I get the spelling right of email addresses so our engineers can contact the customer back once I've taken the details.
However, it seems that some customers aren't quite sure what the NATO phonetic alphabet is and as someone was trying to spell their name "Susan", well, it went a bit pear-shaped. In fact, Susan itself is pretty easy to spell and I didn't even need to check it but the customer felt compelled anyway:
Customer - "Susan" so that's S for....sugar, um... U for er.... "you know"...
Me - That's a "y"?
Customer - Oh yea, umbrella? Then it's S for sugar, A for... Apple, N for, hmm.. "no"?
Me - Well, I think I got that (stifled laughter)
Customer - At least we are getting a laugh out of it. I can do my surname if you want?
Me - No it's OK I have found you on the system :)
Sighs
In fairness, she was laughing about it as well but then, after finishing on the phone with "Sugary You Know" Susan, I had a light bulb moment... What if we created a brand new alphabet based around Food & Drink? I shared this idea with some other reps who work in a different department (let's face it, waiting for phones to ring can get tedious, especially if they don't ring) and we made a start on one. If you have any ideas for the missing letters below, please feel free to chime in!
| Letter | Word | Letter | Word |
|---|---|---|---|
| A | Apple | N | ? |
| B | Biscuit | O | ? |
| C | Cake | P | Pizza |
| D | Diet Coke | Q | ? |
| E | Egg | R | Red Velvet |
| F | Freddo | S | ? |
| G | Grapes | T | Tango |
| H | ? | U | ? |
| I | ? | V | Vodka |
| J | Junk Food | W | Water |
| K | ? | X | Xylophone |
| L | ? | Y | ? |
| M | Melon | Z | ? |
We have started using these and have to say, "Vodka" is a tough one to slide in. Ironic, as it's also tough to slide down the throat! So there you go - the Fun-etic Alphabet!
"Serial Number Dedication"
Oh yes, another classic game here and one I get to enjoy on a daily basis. In order to log the customer call (and hence get a service visit organised) it's imperative I have the Serial Number of the machine that's broken down. In fact, it's so imperative that as the customer goes through the telephone options to get to technical support (me), it's mentioned 3 times.
Still, "It'll be alright", thinks the customer, "That's just there as filler material to pad out an otherwise dry waiting experience." This is where I get a chance to test their dedication to the Serial Number...
Me - Good morning, Tech Support Nicky Havey speaking?
Customer - Ah yes good morning, I have an issue with a machine?
Me - Ok, let's see what we can do, have you got the serial number?
Customer - Actually no, I haven't, do you need it?
Me - Well... it will speed up the process if you have it?
Customer - Ok, let me find it, where would it be?
Me - It's usually on the back of the machine where the power cable is (said with hand beginning to approach the face with an open palm)
Customer - Ah ok, it's in a bit of an awkward position so I may have to climb on the machine and shout it out to you, I'll just put you on the machine, hold on (drops phone on the floor) - Oh sorry! I dropped you, hold on!
Me - OK! Not to worry!
Customer - (Faintly) Just moving the machine now, I hope no-one from health and safety sees me doing this!!
Sighs
Classic - I mean, I could have just asked this particular customer which company they are calling from and then found it in the system but they were SO keen to go ahead to find the Serial Number I wasn't going to stop them having fun... or me for that matter haha!
On the other side of the "Serial Number Dedication" spectrum, some customers really aren't that talkative or dedicated to getting a service visit arranged to fix their machine AT ALL! One great call I had went something like this:
Customer - Hello, I have an issue with my machine?
Me - OK, have you got the Serial Number?
Customer - No.
Me - OK, do you have anything with the serial number on like Purchase Order or lab report?
Customer - No.
Me - Oh right, can you tell me where you are calling from please?
Customer - No.
Me - Company Name?
Customer - No.
Me - Ok... I... Can you send an email?
Kthxbye!
The "Pre-Service" Service
Finally, there are those who adopt the approach from the film Minority Report (where crimes are prevented before they are committed). It seems that asking for Technical Support isn't just for machines you have already bought as this next call unfolded:
Customer - Hello, I'd like some technical support on a machine please?
Me - Certainly, have you got the Serial Number there?
Customer - Well, I haven't actually bought the machine yet?
Me - I'm sorry?
Customer - Yea I just need some technical support on it before I buy it?
Me - Ok, and where are you calling from? (I usually ask this question as it refers to the company name the customer is calling from so I can at least find them on the system)
Customer - Berkshire (He literally answered based on location - Berkshire is a county in the UK)
Sighs
Well, this ended up being forwarded to Sales and I have no idea if the guy bought the machine or not but it's a bit like booking your car in a for a service before you've actually bought the car!!
Epilogue
So that's my entry for the Comedy Open Mic - Serial Number 39 (had to clamber over the back of steemit - see what I did there) with thanks to @dandays for challenging me to write something and try to be amusing. Hope you got a giggle out of it and thanks to @comedyopenmic for hosting this comp, sad to see it coming to a potential end in a couple of weeks but looks like a lot of fun was had.
here.I would like to invite @jaynie and @quillfire from the @steemitbloggers to have a crack at this - you can find the rules of the open mic by clicking
@nickyhavey, I have to admit, when I called you out, I just wanted to see if you would/could do it—I had a feeling you ‘could.’ 😉 But dude.. you’re frikkin funny! This is a great entry!
I didn’t know about your 9:5, though, juggling a job like that and posting music daily, I’m impressed you found time to write this. cue the applause 👏 👏 Thanks for the shout out, nicky, you’re too good to me.
I’ll see if I can help get the wOrd out on this one, good luck!
Haha I am a man of my word @dandays, it just takes me a little longer to get things done but I get there 😀 and thanks for having a read! Glad you found it funny
Yea I have a few balls to juggle at the moment but if I had a gf, kids or other things like that, there would be no way I could do all this stuff. As from April next year, I think my activity levels will be dying down substantially as I go off travelling for a few months so riding this wave of productivity for now.
Thanks for the well wishes. Not expecting much from this but if others find it amusing, then that's good - I enjoyed writing it.
Take it easy my friend!
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Congratulations, Nicky! I figured I might as well drop you a line since I’m over here patting myself on the back.
Well if this sudden influx of upvotes has been your work then thank you for helping me out and sharing the post man 😊
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Only for the nomination, sir, that’s all I did! The rest is all you—congratulations!
Fun fact: my autocorrect had “rat” instead of “rest,” could you imagine??
Hahaha I have been called worse but will settle for "rest" 😛 thanks for nominating me man, that's really kind of you!
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This is really funny. I've had my own fail moments with the phonetic alphabet.
Haha it happens mate, the mind goes blank, you can't think of anything beginning with that letter and you blurt out "you know" which begins with a "y" not a "u", d'oh! Haha
Thanks for reading and glad you found it funny 🙂
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Hi nickyhavey,
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
Judges:
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner @ComedyOpenMic For Witness And Disrupt The Steem Blockchain With Laughter!
Thanks for letting me know and hope you all enjoy it!
Regarding the position, thanks for the recommendation, sitting at the desk pantless, mouse in one hand, beer in the other and enjoying life on the steemit platform. Boom
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Funny stuff ..... you know funny as in F for ......
Haha, maybe there can be a comedy version of the funetic alphabet 😛
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I bet this was really fun to write. The funny typo is in your NATO phonetic chart... maybe they can't spell. lol
The question is, Why would I even notice it? Maybe because of which word it is. lol@nickeyhavey I hope you win. haha
Haha it was good fun thanks @rebeccabe! I only just noticed the typo actually now you mention it, I guess you have had experience with that in a previous life? 😁 I just nabbed it from Google so maybe the person who wrote it was under the influence of it!
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STOPTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!
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you know 😂😂. Susan you wally!
No Susan, I don't know! Haha
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This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community
community witness. Please consider using one of your witness votes on us here for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.@c-squared runs a
Ah thanks a lot @c-squared! Appreciate the support from your community and glad you folks enjoyed it!
Too funny! You had me laughing out loud!
Haha awesome @melinda010100! Gotta laugh as much as you can in life hey!
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I have tried a Customer Rep position before and this is relatable. I think you missed the part when things get funnier if there were accents involved over the phone. Even the NATO alphabet needs some rework on under these circumstances.
Oh man, yea when there are thick accents involved the fun and games get even more wild! For instance, how about the "how many different ways can you say 'I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that'" game? There could be a few more things added to this list for sure!
Maybe a "Universal Accent Phonetic Alphabet" could be added to the food and drink version Haha
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Howdy sir nickhavey! lol. very good sir, my favorites are the one that hadn't even bought the machine yet and then the one who wouldn't give you any information at all! lol. Well at least at times you get some humor from it but it makes you have doubts about the human race or maybe you already do! Anyway this was a great job!
Haha hey Lord Janton! Glad you enjoyed this silly episode of life in customer service - oh I had doubts about the human race long before I joined this job but meeting folks on steemit has counter balanced the "Susan's" and the "Minority Report" customers of this world!
Honestly, the guy who wouldn't give any information, it was like it was out of spite for having to go through our telephone options to get to customer service! Oh well, I still get paid and also laughing at the same time, win-win!
Thanks for stopping by!
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haha! Sir nickyhavey now you make it sound like a fun job! Like you get paid for being entertained. That's a wonderful attitude to have. ..other people would be complaining about it instead of turning it into something enjoyable so good for you. Are they still going to end your part the first of the year? They're going to use a call center or something?
Haha well that's kinda the way to approach it isn't it Lord Janton? We all get the same amount of time and can't get it back once spent so I have played these games a few times and some customers are the best contenders I have seen Haha.
Well, it looks like I will be around until end of Feb for sure and maybe extended for the final 5 weeks before u go away, which would be dandy!
They will be moving the role over to Poland where I will be training my successor these games and see if she can fit in some of these new words from the phonetic alphabet!
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wow sir nickyhavey they are moving the phone rep jobs to Poland and you already know who your replacement is going to be and you have to train her? Is that normal business proceedure? It sounds kinda strange to me! But at least you have a specific date to leave so you can plan accordingly so that's good.
And when that gig ends you will travel to someplace warm?
Oh yes, she is a crazy person so will also fit in well with the job haha! Well, money drives any business decision, it's cheaper labour in Poland (just the way it is) - every business does this. Only see the short term cost not the long term but hey, as long as I am paid up til I go away, they can do what they want!
I will be going to Australia, where it's usually always warm there!
sir nickyhavey! oh Australia! yes one of my favorite steemians is from there and I keep getting marvelous views of the ocean almost everyday from the Golden Coast, what a wonderful country. You should look for a job while you're there!
Hahaha, oh, you need to have a certain personality to be able to work in the customer service. I did it during my university but I didn't have patience for these people. I see that you make a laugh about it and this is the good approach!
Good luck with the contest Nicky!
I was just told yesterday you’re fluent in several languages, is that true?
Is that important? ;)
Just interesting.
Yes, I do. I speak Slovak, Czech (they are similar but not the same and younger generation don't understand both of them), English, Dutch and German and I understand Polish, Russian (I studied for a bit a few years ago), a lot of Croatian/Serbian/Slovenian and I can get around with Italian (I can order in restaurants or purchase tickets and other items).
I always enjoyed languages :)
I wish you could see the size of my eyes just now as I thought “WOW!” That’s more than I would have ever expected. Good for you @delishtreats, that’s something to be proud of, I wish I could say that... in just a few of those languages. 😉
Hahaha, you could have sent me that WOW photo :D I would definitely enjoy it :D If you're coming from a small European country you need to start learning languages pretty soon if you would like to ever move somewhere or find a good job :) It's nothing like Los Angeles ;)
Haha yea you got to laugh whenever you can I think. Life does get taken too seriously sometimes and maybe my slight craziness and eccentricity helps get through the day! Glad you enjoyed me finding the funny side in an otherwise unfunny job 😀
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