Nods in understanding. In my thirties I had a need to know everything. Who this God was everyone claimed to have a personal relationship with. Who was really in control of money, oil, passage of laws detrimental to the nation. I spent the better part of a decade researching, reading well more than 1000 pages a week.
The end result: a sickness in my heart that gave birth to a cynicism that will be with me to my dying breathe. I commented on another thread posted today about truth. I am through trying to convince others of the truth, unless they are open to listening. Most are not, insisting their program is the truth, sometimes violently. Fuck them, they can rot in the hell their program leads them through, my life is to short to waste on those who could give a shit.
And many truths will never be known. This I have made peace with. There is no one riding in to save the day, so people better stop wasting time like immortals and learn to appreciate every damn day they have the appearance they are free. Because my intuition says those days of illusion are drawing to a close.
I hear you, brother, loud and clear. Exactly my perspective. I have made it my mission to just enjoy every moment as much as I can. But as you said, it looks like these days are drawing to a close. At the same rate as my health and mental abilities are declining the source of pleasures disappear and the madness around me increases. The only "good" I can take from this is that is is easier to finish a life you hate than one that you enjoy. Guess I am lucky. Had a good life, a lot of fun, no regrets and it looks like I am not going to miss out on too much when I finally kick the bucket :)