Tomorrow we will start a new contest, as the 1 to 1000000, comes to a close. You have one more day to get in your guess, We have someone who is withing 5000 I believe. https://steemit.com/contest/@bigram13/guess-1-too-1-000-000-for-a-up-vote. Our new contest will be BEST SHORT JOKE, but I would prefer no foul language in the post. So I am giving you a day to get your acts together, and develop that good hook. 
Video entries are accepted, or you can type out the joke. But I might not get your sarcasm. So I will leave you with this
"My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down."
Are we supposed to post jokes as reply? Wasn't sure...here's mine:
How do philandering cannibals get their fiber?
They eat a lot of dates!
Can't wait!
What is a whale’s favorite James Bond Film?… Licence to Krill
Why did the monkey go moo? Because it was a cow.
you got to save the jokes for the contest will be in a day or two, I lied about the time frame.
That's ok, I lied about the joke. It wasn't a cow.
@bigram13, i’m new to the community
how do I join the contest?
Kindly Upvote|Resteem|Comment
@nigma
Thanks
How do I read this post?
Kindly Flag me and reply sarcastically.
Is commenting really worthwhile
Your Reputation Could be a Tasty Snack with the Wrong Comment!
Steemit Etiquette Rules
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still-no-idea.
Interested contests :)
Great work
Nice post
I'm tearing up 😂😂. It CAN'T happen!
@bigram13 I'm in for this
I'm a newbie, if you upvote me or resteem my introductory post, it'd go a long way for me>
Thanks, I don't think Some people realize that it hasn't started today. Haha
Lol
They don't, and that's why they have been posting their joke around
A RUSSIAN SHORT JOKE
"Pinocchio drowned"
What are the tags to use...
Our civilization is 5,000 years old!
Let's enjoy and there will be even more.
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Two kids were playing,they found a used condom and took it home as a Ballon. The kids mother got angry and warned them not to pick up things while playing,when the mother went left,one kid said to the OTHER WHY WAS MUM SO ANGRY WE FOUND A BALLON"?THANK GOD WE DIDN'T TELL HER THAT WE DRANK THE YOGHURT THAT WAS INSIDE 😅😅
What do you call the assistant to the assistant nut?
The co co nut.
jokes right okay.
because i am addicted to steem does not make me, any time am here, i will be responding to all post, just to get money out of it.
Man: Do you want a dance? Lady: Yeah, Sure! Man: Great, go and dance let me talk to your pretty friend
why are vegan feminists always so angry all the time? because theyre not getting enough meat.
No es lo mismo uno pelota negra,
que una negra en pelotas.
Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
“No”, she replies sleepily.
“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!”
Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”
What do you do with a full brain and an empty wallet?
Steem it!
Been thinking of this one since I saw this video day b4 yesterday. Was thinking there'd be another post announcing the start of the contest.
Still can't get over the irishman at the bar!
My wallet is like onion , i cry when ever i open it..
That’s weird, because my onion is like wallet, it’s just a thing I’m pretending exists for the purposes of this joke and it makes people cringe when I open it up and they find out it’s just a repository for maggots and other weird things that I don’t mind carrying around because of the psychosis and depersonalization the guy typing this is experiencing right now.
Why do mermaids wear sea shells?
Because D-shells are to big and B-shells are too small.
Just dropped my phone in Mayonaisse, F*****g hellman
my name is VINCENT with username: @vincent848
i love this contest and probably wd think out something funny to join
Spanish: 0 Racismo jajajajaja ¿Cuanto dura una negra en sacar la basura? - 9 Meses.
English: 0 Racism hahahahaha How long does a black woman take out the garbage? - 9 months.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my Parents.
Police: Where do your Parents Live?
Me: With Me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: You Won't believe me if i tell you.
Police: TELL ME!
Me: Next to my house.
BANG!
One day the priest lost his bird pet, because he love his bird so much he mention the bird on his mass
Priest: Did anyone here got a bird?
All the men stood
Priest: I mean, anyone seen a bird?
All the women stood
Priest: I mean anyone seen my bird?
*All the nun stood
Mother: OMG! My son! Your finger is bleeding! Come here let me suck that blood so that it will stop bleeding!
(....the mom did suck the blood on her son's finger)
Mother: Her you go son! The bleeding has now stopped. By the way, what happens to your finger?
Son: Actually mom I didn't hurt my finger at all.
Mother: What are you talking about? So why there's blood on it!?
Son: It just happens that I killed the big lice from our dog using my finger.
BANG! haha!