This is all @kiwideb's fault - she twisted my arm and forced me to do a me me me post...
I promise not to nominate anyone else for the 11 facts about me, one of which isn't true challenge.
These are mostly from the dark ages when I was a mad cunt, long before I became a boring old fart.
If you can be arsed, see if you can guess which one is bollocks!
UPDATE
The lucky winner was @artzanolino who was the only one to correctly pick the lie.
Explanations now added in italics
ALL IS REVEALED - https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
TEN FACTS ABOUT ME (AND ONE LIE)
I have ridden more than 10 000 different bicycles.
TRUE - for two years I was working in a bike shop test riding all the new bikes and a lot of the major repairs - so typically over 20 bikes a day, five days a week, 50 weeks a year - 20x5x50x2 =10 000. Then I started my own bike shop and did lots more for nine years. At least another 45 000. So 55 000 different bikes would be a conservative estimate! 10 000 is just the tip of the iceberg
I drank my own urine every day for a month and four people copied me.
TRUE - it's really not hard and nearly everyone wanted to try doing it. It tastes like warm Aussie beer
When I was a teenager I had a 67 Valiant with a fully worked race engine out of a speedway car.
TRUE - it had a 300HP HEMI six with full race cam and six into one straight pipe. But it had no non-engine modifications and still had drum brakes. The warrant of fitness was fake and it was a totally illegal deathtrap. If there is a god he was looking out for me, because somehow I got away with it
I went to a concert with seven joints in my pocket and smoked the lot
LIE - that is utter bollocks - I can't smoke seven joints! - read more HERE
I registered the domain name WWW.SIFT.CO.NZ in 2000
TRUE - I also had WWW.FROT.CO.NZ and several others
In 2002 an MRI scan revealed that I had a brain tumour the size of a golf ball
TRUE - that really fucked my shit up and is the reason I learned just about everything I know now. No it didn't kill me within a year without treatment like the doctors said it would! There are many ways to treat illnesses
I have been clocked at 117kph (72mph) on a bicycle
TRUE - but not on a mountainbike like in this photo in which I'm only doing about 65kph looking like a windsock. I was on a roadbike, dressed in lycra, slipstreaming a van downhill on a motorway, with a really strong tailwind. Getting up over 100kph is hard work
I have included a picture with every one of my last 4400 Steemit comments
TRUE - Right from the outset in August 2016 I've had an image fetish. Back then we had to use Imagesafe
I wore contact lenses every day for over 20 years and then one day my eyes wouldn't accept them anymore.
TRUE - this was a contest experiment - would anyone guess the boring one? - no they wouldn't :)
I broke my knee joint clean in half and it was rebuilt by one of New Zealand's top surgeons
TRUE - Man was I lucky - it was a bad enough break that he thought it would be interesting to fix. He did a beautiful job and despite being full of stainless steel only the big scar reveals that it's a bit used
I was chased by seven cops while on a bicycle and was described in the news as the worst example of a reckless bike rider the police had ever seen.
TRUE - as an ex bicycle courier I had a few tricks up my sleeve. But they were good at using radios and the one I didn't know about saw where I went. Got two convictions for that
LIES
I drank my own urine every day for a month and four people copied me.
Would they admit to it?
and still no mention of a "double movement" - dear or dear...whats wrong with you cats down there?
I haven't vomited since 1982, remember, so definitely no double movements. In the context of drinking urine, you had me very worried about what you meant, so am actually quite relieved.
Does farting and sneezing at the same time count?
yeah i suppose it does...
Thanks for your random guess in my "I am Special" contest :)
UPDATE
OK, I'll give this three days and then add an explanation to each fact and name the lie. Whoever is first to pick the lie will receive $1SBD. If nobody guesses right it will go to the person whose comment cracks me up the most!
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
The fact that urine tastes like Aussie beers means 2 things: either you have drunk very bad beers or you should attempt to practice golden showers into your sexual behaviour.
Regarding the tumor in the brain, I wanna know more. How did you treat i?
I am back to bloggin'and I am trying to catch up with all the shit here.
I'm a Kiwi - we always mock Aussies - OK it just tastes like their worst beer - Fosters Lager - weak, and unpleasant!
Ironically there is a pic of me drinking a can (the only time I did) in the coments!
Tumour treatment - I did just about every natural therapy known to man - but I guess the most important thing was believing that illnesses can heal if you let them run their course - you either recover or you die - but most treatments are worse than the illness.
I met a woman who had a similar tumour treated with brain surgery, and I would rather have died than ended up like her, so I took a deep breath and hoped for the best - sort of like the moment on a bike or motorbike when it all turns to shit - just relax and look where you want to go - whatever you look at is what you will hit
What does it mean "every natural therapy known to man"??
Are you one of those that believe lemon treat everything?
I want to know! And I wanna know how you treated the contact lenses situation.
I am also wearing contact lenses!
I'm going with #1. You couldn't possibly have counted them all, or you'd be like some NZ version of Rainman.
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
lol
LIES I was chased by seven cops while on a bicycle and was described in the news as the worst example of a reckless bike rider the police had ever seen. I think you kind of wish that was true. Maybe you was chased by 1 or 2 cops, but 7 no way :)
Might have to dig out a newspaper report for this one!
or maybe some conviction notices :)
It was the seventh one I didn't know about that got me - the other six I left in my dust
Nothing like a good chase...
LOL It could be you drank your own urine for less than a month cause as far as I know therapy shouldn't exceed 3 weeks. Since it looks like you don't respect any kind of rules I guess you did it for a month and I do believe 4 or 99 people followed you. Now I'm wondering how did you manage to count all those bikes you have ridden? :)
Thanks for your random guess in my "I am Special" contest :)
UPDATE
OK, I'll give this three days and then add an explanation to each fact and name the lie. Whoever is first to pick the lie will receive $1SBD. If nobody guesses right it will go to the person whose comment cracks me up the most!
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
I'm calling BS on this: "I have included a picture with every one of my last 4400 Steemit comments"
I'm pretty sure I've heard you talk about all the other ones and I was around for several of them while they were breaking news, but not sure if you did urine therapy for a whole month. Seems like maybe you wussed out after a day or so lol
I know you like scrolling - but 4400 could take a while..
And I NEVER wuss out :)
Thanks for your random guess in my "I am Special" contest :)
UPDATE
OK, I'll give this three days and then add an explanation to each fact and name the lie. Whoever is first to pick the lie will receive $1SBD. If nobody guesses right it will go to the person whose comment cracks me up the most!
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
10,000 bicycles...dude that would mean you rode a different bike every day for nearly thirty years...that's the one I'm calling! The rest I can definitely picture, hahaha!
Happy St. Pat's!
Thanks for your random guess in my "I am Special" contest :)
UPDATE
OK, I'll give this three days and then add an explanation to each fact and name the lie. Whoever is first to pick the lie will receive $1SBD. If nobody guesses right it will go to the person whose comment cracks me up the most!
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
Nice post, i like your every post and injoy it, so keep it up, Thank You.
Did you like the bit about the implants?
theres another picture for the album..thanks..you look like vanilla ice
Oh shit - you're not going to start using another pic of me for your own ID again are you :)
And Vanilla Ice looks like a real idiot...
you should come on my twin brothers youtube channel and talk about your brain tumor
Yikes - I've never even done a blog post or a Steemit post about it directly, although indirectly everything I write about relates to stuff I learned from it.
It was a benign rather than cancerous tumour and it's still in the middle of my brain like a big lump. But it's dead and doesn't grow anymore.
I was told in 2002 that it would kill me within a year. It was a long time ago and essentially as much as possible I just ignore all memory of it. That is my coping strategy.
I tried dozens of different treatments - one of the first was a vegetarian diet - after about six weeks I felt weak and ill and wanted to eat my own arm, so that was a fail!
Next I tried auto-urine therapy :)
I suspect it was originally set in motion by head injuries I had in 1994 - those could potentially be a Steemit post too!
Glad you are doing well now! If you went with the medical establishments approach im sure you would be dead.
Yep, mad cunt alright lol.
OMG the tumour! The WAPF makes sense now.
Urine. Wow. Did it help? Was it worth it? (I'm typing this with a cringe face btw)
I tried everything, but no I don't think the urine did much - I really should do a post about what was most helpful - I think if I was going to suggest one thing for most people it would be no gluten and no sugar, but also acupuncture and vitamin c therapy
I agree about the gluten and sugar. Great news about urine being ineffective :D
I bought these Vit C. Only been on them a week. So far, no different.
OMG that gold ball in you head that's the creativity i see everyday
Yeah it made me into a space cadet!
lunatic hahah epic this is but you don't seem to be
I aim for the loon...
OK. Your name is Snow White. You was married to 67 Valiant. You registered the domain name WWW.FAIRYTALES.CO.NZ in 2000. You have ridden less than 10 000 different bicycles. After an MRI scan revealed that you had a brain tumour you have been clocked at 72mph on a bicycle. You was chased by 7 Witches of Menopause-Itchy, Bitchy,Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated,Forgetful & Psycho because you smoked all of 7 joints and you didn't let them smoke. You didn't wear your contact lenses so you fell off the bike and you broke your knee joint clean in half. Psycho got you and told you to drink your own urine every day so you could play golf again. Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated and Forgetful copied you just to be included in the pictures with your 4400 Steemit comments. Your Steemit comments should be rebuild by one of New Zealand's top surgeons.
Very close, but the golf part is a lie....
Yup, true, it was kind of expected and boring to write... ride bike again... for some reason I was bugged out about tumour the size of a golf ball...I guess that's why golf popped up.
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
That's a very kind of you @sift666 . In today's world no one tell own dirty secrets. Everyone trying to hide them .but your are telling us you secrets .
What are you saying? :)
Haha life is more fun when your a lunatic ;)
I have been in more accidents than side show bob
I was always safe and careful...
you are a genius, I am glad to know you @sift666
Genius - yes that is what I sound like...
it's like a very cool style, can i ask for help to you @sift666
You have come to the right place to learn about style!
hope i can be like you, please help me
OK if you stop commenting now you will be just like me...
Dayum!!! Only one of them is not true?! You're a beast Bruv :D I really enjoyed getting to know these facts about you, if I had to pick one as a lie... I think you registered your domain name a bit later than the year 2000.
We shall see - but I did start doing websites in 98!
Now @kiwdeb is trying to steal my 666 identity :)
Ok, than I'm most probably wrong... Maybe the tumor instead...
LOL - I'm not supposed to give it away - but I never actually offered a prize - I'm making a real pigs ear of this.
But yeah that MRI scan was real - sometimes I wish it wasn't - it was learning natural therapies for brain tumours that lead me to most of the stuff I blog about now and also wiped out my internal balance mechanism and fully ended my bike riding...
You are hardcore to the bone! Glad you're still around to share your tale.
Stencil I did <3
Thanks for your random guess in my "I am Special" contest :)
UPDATE
OK, I'll give this three days and then add an explanation to each fact and name the lie. Whoever is first to pick the lie will receive $1SBD. If nobody guesses right it will go to the person whose comment cracks me up the most!
You know bro, as much as it looks like a staggering number to ride 10.000 bicycles, you're a rebel, so I'm starting to think it will probably be the thing that's seems like an obvious "done" that will be the fib. So, I think the 7 joints at a concert is the lie! The fact that all of these are believable is a feat indeed :D
ALL IS REVEALED - YOU ARE THE WINNER!!!!!!
My tenfactsonelie post -the background
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
dammn those cops had a great time chasing you along the way ;p
Maybe they had a wild ride and then talked about it for weeks...
Bicycle lover in search of an adventure ;)
And wild times
It's GOT to be the urine. Please tell me it was the urine???!!!
Go look at my list, then see whether you still think that, lol... Though of course, we could be in cahoots and both be lying...
PS Oops, I see you never got nominated. When Andy and I compared notes about who we were going to nominate, we were both going to pick you. So we must have each thought the other was going to, and neither of us did. Tag!
Oh bugger it - I'm going to make subtle hints - what Deb said!
It's really not that bad...
Thanks for your random guess in my "I am Special" contest :)
UPDATE
OK, I'll give this three days and then add an explanation to each fact and name the lie. Whoever is first to pick the lie will receive $1SBD. If nobody guesses right it will go to the person whose comment cracks me up the most!
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
I guess "I drank my own urine every day for a month and four people copied me." is the lie.
Thanks for your random guess in my "I am Special" contest :)
UPDATE
OK, I'll give this three days and then add an explanation to each fact and name the lie. Whoever is first to pick the lie will receive $1SBD. If nobody guesses right it will go to the person whose comment cracks me up the most!
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
who the hell drink the urine oh yuckkkk
It tastes like Aussie beer!
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
Urine drinking aside, you seem like a cool dude. You had me at the souped up Valiant.
I had a 62 Capri as well!
ALL IS REVEALED - My tenfactsonelie post -the background - the winner (not you sorry) and a new post about the big lie!
https://steemit.com/contest/@sift666/the-big-lie-exposed
I like bicycle. I ride it.
but your accident makes me sad.
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