Once the information became more readily available things just started to click into place and FINALLY make sense
I can relate there. lol.
I'm more than curious to hear what new discoveries in that regard have you uncovered since
I've sorta found it (and/or the awareness of it) to be coming & going in waves/cycles...
Like, there'll be periods where I'm feeling ok, may do fine with things & socializing, and question whether I was just gaslighting myself the whole time to even think I might be autistic. And then... there may be phases where it's like, 'oh ya, this is why, I'd be hella surprised if wasn't.'
I do feel there's sometimes a correlation with my 12-22 channel, the social 'in the mood or not' - like, it definitely feels like more of the autistic boxes are checking when I'm not in the mood for socializing at all but still try force it or adhere to the mind's "shoulds,” or especially just when around/with people who I don’t vibe with. Or when observing different patterns of mindloops, hypersensitivity, etc. And then times where I am in the mood, chatting with people I resonate with in correct timing, things flowing fantastically, or just in a harmonious state all-around, and almost feel like an idiot for ever thinking I possibly could be autistic.
it's also kinda tough to really gauge what could/might be ASD and what's ADHD, cuz there's alot of overlap. and when i did the informal online ASD assessments, results came sorta just right at the threshold - although alot of those symptoms/criteria that checked off also fit the ADHD.
sometimes I question whether a formal diagnosis would be of value, or self-defeating by submitting to someone else's definition of "disordered" and pegging myself in there, versus just living my own life and doing more productive stuff instead. especially considering the fluctations/waves. and also with my personality Mars & Mercury in Gate 15 of Extremes, maybe it is natural for me to fluctuate through such extremes. But "am I" "autistic..." or do I just sometimes cycle in & out of different spots on the neurodiverse/monotrophic (a new term just discovered) spectrum... dancing on the quantum wave rather than pegged into a single particle definition, flipping into & out of autistic mode at times...? i'd be highly skeptical of anyone attempting to concretely answer that - including myself. 🤷♂️
I'm also somewhat uneasy about the fact that people like us are more susceptible to gravitating towards the black hole that is the personal development mlm schemes, just because of the underlying sense that there is 'something wrong with us'...
one big factor/trap here is surely the open/undefined heart/ego/will centers. plus the head & ajna, with their temptations for distractions and seeking certainty. oh man, the "not-self" is no joke there. lol.
the next logical question for me... is .. WHAT kind of Personal Development WOULD actually help an AuDHD person..?
my first intuitive answer: it's gotta be a highly personalized answer.
like, i think there may almost be another trap in the question itself, looking for a type of one-size-fits-all "solution" for ALL AuDHD people... when the reality is every one is individual with their own needs, wants, preferences, goals, etc, etc. yeah, aspects of the AuDHD may be essential to factor into the customization process of assessing & tailoring a fit, though it might almost be something incompatible at the core, trying to conform anyone to a kind of P.D. based on just the commonality of AuDHD alone. (if that makes sense. I feel I didn't articulate it as well as I'd like and could ramble on trying, but you probably get what I'm getting at.)
Most happy to read you again
Same same. I miss your comments and the dialogues that ensue. (though imagine you probably already know that, lol.) 😼
~Josie~
awww shiiiit.
i recall you writing before that you did sense I'd missed you & your presence/input/dialogue, so figured you were just psychically tapped in and i couldn't ever hide it from you going forward. lol.
not at all weirded out. your comments & the discussions that follow are among the top handful of things I've loved most about engaging here, tbh. and i just kinda been in a dry spell with writing, or feeling kinda like was just stuck in the same venting loops, not even sure what I "want" to write.
~~
no apologies necessary. but for real, i totally missed ya, even wondered if I did anything to offput ya.
i like your unique flavors/shades of weirdness. alot. 😁
I did, I had at THAT time. I'm going to be honest but I haven't been energetically stalking you this whole time.. I'm not sure if that should come as a relief or a disappointment. :D
...aaaanyways I'm going to stop yapping now, as I'm becoming increasingly awkward for no apparent reason..
(facepalms)
~Josie~
maybe a little of both... though probably leaning more towards the disppointment. my Leo Venus kinda likes that kind of attention. lol.
Well, colour me puzzled..
i couldn't help myself... 🤣
yup, exactly like that.. xD