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Oh dear!
(Such an astute, sensuous, cute and sensory description... we hope out of love, but love and desire lie very close; and appetites stop at nothing.
Do we hear the babbling of a riddle-fever struck squirrel gone nuts?)

The RSPGP (Royal Society for the Protecion of Guinea-Pigs) has taken precautionary measures to ensure the safety of guinea-pigs and has made buddy-erinaceidae available to support the safety of guinea-pigs with squirrel friends who may be afterall on the brink of losing their minds to riddles and about to donate the bodies of their friends to owls.

Edit:
The RSPGP regrets to inform you funding has been withdrawn for the protection for guinea-pigs by erinaceidae support. We are back to praying Mrs. Potter's squirrel friends won't serve us up to any strigidae or tyonidae.