surreal?) why? you have fans here, maybe not all of them are sincere but definite people are I am sure.
so were you a part of the music band? So you're a professiaonal musician, not just a guy who likes to play something and does it just for a hobby) I had some ideas about it because your music is too good to be just occasional)
But I am not surprised you left the band, it's not yours for sure. You're a very specific person with crazy creativity and leadership, and such people can't be a part of a something, they are Something by themselves. There are too little place and freedom of mind for them in any limited conditions where they must depend on others' opinions.
I don't pretend to be a great psychologist, but I think so)