Yes! It's a daily struggle. Moment by moment really. That core faith in oneself is crucial, and without it things can get very very bad. I say that from experience because that faith in myself is something that has been simply missing for me for most of my life. Creative work has often seemed like a drug habit I couldn't shake, a curse rather than a gift. I've had to struggle with intense self-hatred for wanting to spend so much time at it.
...but I couldn't live without it. I'm not ME without it. If I try to kill it, and I definitely have, I only end up killing myself.
I'm grateful to finally be coming to a better place with it in recent years, although it is still a struggle on a regular basis. "If you're going to work on your off hours, you should do something that actually makes you money to help take care of your kid" is one of the things I still hear in my head a lot. Even though I work full time as a construction worker and only do my creative work in the evenings and on weekends.
My kid is one of my biggest fans and supporters tho... I'm really lucky in that way. He's a creative chap himself, and loves it when he sees me happily writing a song or a story or poem. Even when, at times, I'm tired and distracted and not really as present with him as I could be because of it. At a certain point I realized that I owe it to him to learn how to accept and love myself for who I am, how to believe in myself and do what I love regardless of how it looks from the outside. He's going to need that kind of role model as he grows up bc I can pretty much guarantee you he's going to want to spend a lot of time creating art in his life as well. Probably writing or something along those lines honestly. It's just obvious that that's who he is... I guess I recognize it because I know it from inside myself. And I worry for him because of it. Because in some part of me, try as I might, I still think of it as a curse.
Sorry to be dramatic, but it really has been that tortuous in many ways. Which is why I feel so very passionate about supporting other creatives in any way I can.
Beautiful video @honeydue. As always, I love hearing what you have to say :)
It would be such a shame if you did. You're a very talented man :) And while I get where the reproach is coming from, I can't agree. First, because I know you're capable of producing wonderful things. Second, because I do believe you deserve some time to grow and nurture your soul. If you don't, it starves and that affects your relationship with anyone. We weren't put on this earth to just pay bills and die ;)
I didn't know you had a son, that is so wonderful! how old is he?
I'm really happy to hear he's a creative soul too. The world needs more of those :) It's where our hope lies, as a species, in this power to make beautiful things.
I get it, it's not dramatic, it's true. I've been thinking a bit about that lately and while I prefer not to dwell too much on it (what would be the point? Not like I'm gonna stop, is it?), I do fear that it's more powerful than I know or like to think. But I suppose it's the price you have to pay to the muse. If it was easy, everyone would be at it.
You're one of the most supportive people I know, both on and off Steem. I told you, I think, I have a comment of yours about one of my stories written down in a diary of things I really like. :) That's an excellent thing. So many become closed and spiteful towards other creatives, like it's a competition. It's not, but not everyone sees that. You do and that's priceless :)
Thank you! Really good to hear from you, my dear friend! <3