So much of this resonates with me. Maybe in odd ways, but still. I haven't been known for sparing people's feelings that much, but I know I do it with my husband. Mainly, I suppose, because of something he said when I was trying to get him to fight with me over something. He said, "I don't want to fight with you, because you're willing to be far more cruel than I am and I refuse to do anything to hurt you that much."
And he was right. I know it probably SOUNDS like it's a manipulation, but we have an unusual situation and he wasn't wrong. Some part of me loses sight of things when I'm furious and I'll lash out and say things that can't be unsaid.
After that, I tend to swing in the opposite direction because I don't trust myself and I will go out of my way to NEVER say anything hurtful, I'll couch my disappointment or anger in softer terms, trying to not cause hurt.
I have a REAL problem trying to find a balance.
Yes. This is so spot on. I get crazy angry. I don't say hateful shit so much anymore, other than an occasional fuck you. I just scream and leave. When I was trying to make it work, I would soften shit too. I doubt I'll be in another ltr, but if I am it will be interesting to see if I can share without rage.