I sit here trying to deal with these tornado of emotions. Feelings of sadness, despair, anger, frustration and then an overwhelming sense of love.
It's like a roller coaster, I'm questioning why? trying to make sense of something that is so unfair and through it all trying to carry on with my day to day life.
I cannot allow myself to go down that path, where I over analysis everything. As a mother, I have my children that need my time and my energy and they are my constant reminder that life carries on.
That flow that we have in life, that flow that I love to talk about, can slow down but it must not stop.
For me, writing allows me to maintain that internal flow, a way to work through my emotions. To acknowledge them, accept them and let them go!
I have been doing this since I was a teenager, writing down how I feel, writing poetry, writing stories, exploring ways to deal with the many emotions that I experience. This is coping in a way that felt natural to me, that allowed me to help myself, to heal myself. Because letting it all out verbally did not feel like an option.
We still live in a world where an open display of emotions can make some people feel uncomfortable, it is totally unacceptable for us to get angry in public, anger is frowned upon, seen as a threat, as dangerous. But it is an emotion that we all experience, it can be used to fuel some major changes in our life.
But the same can be said for crying in public, or being upset, people tend to shy away from those who show their vulnerabilities. We have to stand tall all the time, put on our mask as we walk around trying to deal with this internal struggle inside. Damming ourselves up.
Why is it that we can get so emotional over fake shit in movies and T.V. yet not get upset about what is happening to our brothers and sisters abroad, in war torn countries. We have become numb, we have some where along the line flicked a switch in order to keep our emotions in check and keep walking proudly with our heads held high.
I know that I put pressure on myself to appear a certain way. I certainly want to be seen as strong and together, but why, where does this need come from. Why the hell can't we just be allowed to be a wreck sometimes, just let it all out, to fall apart.
To become empty, so that we can fill ourselves up again!
I write all this as I try to make sense of a life taken too soon. Trying to figure out what I can do to help the two people in her family that have been left behind. I write this to help me deal with all these emotions I feel, because as much as I would like to let it all out, I do not. I hold myself together, I put on my mask and carry on. I allow writing to be my therapy, writing and music.
Music, it can carry me, it can bring me such peace and surrender. It opens the door to many locked parts of my life, in a second, it has the power to bring me back to a time where I felt happy or sad. I have been on some of the best journeys of my life whilst listening to some pieces of music. It has brought my emotions to the surface and helped me to release them. It is such a powerful instrument for self healing.
If my emotions were music this is what they would sound like right now.
Image Source for 1st Image: https://namtia.deviantart.com
This post has been upvoted and resteemed. I have also started following you so I can see more of your work.
I am happy that you are using writing as a form of dealing and healing emotions. This particular writing doesn't seem explosive enough. I know you have more to write, it's safe to let it out.
Thank you @beemillz, I do have more to let out, it will come with time.
lots of love @trucklife-family! sometimes we can not understand life and why things happen the way they happen no matter how much we try... they are simply unknown some answers from us... writing indeed helps to clarify our minds, it is also a therapy for me. it helps us to understand ourselves better maybe, but still life is a Big Mystery ...
Thank you @purplemoon, it is a mystery and that is kind of the great wonder of it, just so very unfair sometimes x
this is a beautiful post.. my feeling as to why people cry for movies but not reality is that most people live in denial.. because its much easier that way.. WHen were triggered by movies it gives us a chance to release all our sadness about the world and more.. we just can let that in all the time i guess or we'd be too upset all the time.
I never wrote my whole life, until i found Steemit! I fully agree that writing is SO cathartic and like therapy, in fact better than therapy.. and ive tried a few therapists!
much love!
thank you @eco-alex, yes I imagine it is denial and a way of protecting ourselves, just seems so unatural some times x
What a peaceful piece. Thanks
thanks @verbalmilk, I am a big fan of Esmerine
Writing is a medicine to the soul
It sure is, thank you @lizzieharrison.
To be able to write it all out is definitely a gift. Grieving is such a complicated,multi layered thing. Been putting so much hope out into the universe and its hard to understand where it's all gone. Colette believed in documenting and sharing her experience online and its appropriate to honour her by writing about her here.
thank you @shivvi, I did think of that, was it appropriate to be so public, but Colette put herself out there, she wanted to share her life so that she could inspire others and help them, this felt right to keep that going, I am usually very private but I really wish to share her with everyone x
Emotions are very difficult. I have a small child, we are waiting for the second. And sometimes I feel like I won't have the emotion for anything. I am so tired, that even good things often do not cause me joy. I thought, that very few things can cause me strong emotions. I think, it's because I'm trying to keep things under control.
As mama's we really do need to look after ourselves and make sure you take time for yourself, that is easier said than done. You sound like you may also be run down a bit, make sure you have enough iron and vit b12 in your diet especially if you are with child and try and rest when your body tells you. x if you need to let things out now is the time to do it, being pregnant really pushes alot of things to the surface x
I could relate to the emotions you are going through.
However, I think most of us (brothers and sisters ) will come together whenever there is a serious problem.
^I think, it's the media that decides what gets telecast(so we don't see what's happening in other countries).
And most of us are kept distracted with various things like Sports, Movies, Food, Politics, Gossips, Cartoons, Porn, Video Games etc....
Thank you @streetsmart. yes I suspect it is.
IMO writing is a great outlet an equalizer of sorts that once out and visible cannot be returned to that space where it kept us confined. 🐓🐓
very well said @mother2chicks.
What a wonderful post!
I have only recently (since steemit) discovered the power of writing down my emotions and I have to say WOW! It really is life changing and very empowering!
I'm so glad that you are here, and it feels like you are a part of the furniture already.
May steemit magnify your ability to put your emotions into words!
Bless.
thank you Mark, steemit definitely came into my life when I really needed it x
I feel you, writing is my therapy too.. works healing and great to put things in perspective again.. keep writing :)
thank you @anouk.nox, I am very touched by the support I have been given on here.
I agree with you on that one, heartwarming isn't it?
Hey Mama sister. I want you to know I'm sending you so much love right now. I have been sort of absent on here, but I have been thinking about you through this. I know this heartbreak is hard, especially when you can't really take a lot of time to be with yourself and your grief. I'm glad you have writing to help you. I felt inspired while reading this to share with you something I was taught long ago. In Burkina Faso (and probably lots of other cultures. - I just know this one for sure from reading Malidoma Some stuff), they believe the tears carry the dead to the ancestors. I have also been told that lots of North American indigenous cultures believe tears feed the holy. I hope you are finding a bit of time for yourself to really experience the feelings. Sending you lots of juju, mama.
thank you supermama, I really appreciate all the support you have given me and I feel so lucky to have so many offer their support to me on here. writing has really helped, just trying to catch little snippets of time here and there. much love x
Writing is my therapy too....
<3
yeah we really need to have outlets in our lives, ways to express ourselves and allow us to move on x