Ohhh man. To be painfully aware. Sometimes it really sucks to tap into this type of thing. Especially when your the only one tapping in and being aware of yourself and actions and everything you are essentially. Peeeew! Mind is always blown when looking in.
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I definitely know that feeling... it's a blessing and a curse and an immense responsibility all rolled into one.
Responsibility is definitely a huge one. It's your responsibility when your aware of human actions to not react. And to read the situation. And in some moments it's so hard to do!
Yes taking that split second to think about your action and acting instead of reacting is one of the hardest yet most beneficial things you can do. Too bad most people don't do it much if at all.
There are times where I fall victim to reaction. But I'm in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder. I pretty much have zero option for reaction I have to truly think about words and actions and tone when speaking in specific situations or else this incredible bomb goes off and everything becomes shambles. For a day or week.
I can definitely relate. My sister has borderline personality disorder so I know how it can be. I just got out of a relationship with someone who is either bipolar or has BPD and was clearly misdiagnosed to have anxiety disorder so given a medication that only amplified the problem. It's definitely not easy especially when they blame you for their misery.
Ohhh the wonderful blame game. It is hard to see past it some times. And see the human I love in there. But I can't give up. Medications are weird though....I have PTSD haha weird that's I'd be with a BPD lol but they gave me antibiotics psychotics to try and treat my PTSD. Along with 6 other medications. I gave them up three weeks in. It made me worse and physically I'll. I lost vision and motor skills and as an artist that's the biggest nope I'm done ever. So I forced the crap out of myself to learn cognitive behavioral therapy. And to do it every day. And to help retrain my brain to be better. And so far it's worked. I have the anxiety but really it's all in your head. Especially PTSD. I tip toe for myself I can walk on glass for him
Glad to see you didn't fall into the medication trap... I was talking about this earlier today in fact. I really think that the medications kinda help but really just make it so you never really deal with the problem on your own and come to a working solution.