Image Source
It was September of 1989 and I was just settling into my first real year of school.
Unlike every other first grader in the neighborhood, however, I wasn't getting on the formidable yellow bus every morning. I was sitting at the kitchen table, usually wishing I was done with my work so I could read something from my massive stack of library books or play on the swings with my sister.
Unfortunately, I was stuck inside doing boring schoolwork.
Even when I finally got done, I had to wait around inside until after school hours. It wouldn't be good to draw attention, Mom had explained. It wasn't wise to have people notice I wasn't in school. We could get reported.
Not Legal, Not Illegal: Homeschooling In The Gray
Homeschooling wouldn't be acknowledged as fully legal and unrestricted in my home state of Michigan for another three years and the ominous threat of being reported to CPS was an ever-present concern. We knew of other families engaged in full-on legal battles for the right to keep their children due to having tried to homeschool them.
We were in a gray zone, a place where you could be fine or in really big trouble depending on who took notice of you.
Ironically, the day we finally got reported we weren't home and it wasn't during school hours. We had dutifully waited until 3:00 and gone grocery shopping. We got home to find a note on our door stating that an officer from the local school district had paid us a call and would be coming back later. Mom's child, the note stated, had been absent from school without leave and the officer was here to check up on why.
Image Source
First Contact
It was not a good feeling, hearing Mom read Dad the note over the phone. My name was on the ominous note. I was absent without leave from a school I'd never been enrolled in. Not good.
We hadn't been home long when two of the neighbor ladies came over. Mom had a good relationship with both of them, older women who could be my grandmothers. They were both disturbed and one was irate. Apparently, the truant officer had knocked on all the neighbors' doors to interview them about our parents' fitness in raising us. "I gave her a piece of my mind," Mrs. Next-Door-Lady said indignantly to my mother. "I told them you were raising perfect little ladies and gentlemen, unlike SOME people."
My mom called the office of the homeschool defense association we belonged to (a much bigger organization now - HSLDA is still going strong) and they gave her some advice: stay calm, stay polite, inform the officer that it was a mistaken enrollment and my education was being taken care of outside the public school system.
Don't allow the officer into the house under any circumstances.
It was a little like preparing for an enemy siege.
A Shot Across The Bow
True to her word, the truant officer showed up again a little while later. Mom told my sister and I to stay inside under all circumstances and that we were not to talk to strangers. Then she went out front to talk to the two middle-aged women.
It turned out that some enterprising staffer in the local school district had gone through census records and enrolled every school-aged child they could find. To this day we have no idea whose brilliant idea this was, but I'd be willing to bet it had to do with padding the school roster to keep funding high. This might explain the new law that came into play shortly thereafter in which children had to be physically present in school on head-counting day for the school to get funding for that child. Whatever the case, I'd been enrolled in school without my parents' permission or knowledge and then reported absent when I didn't show up for a few weeks.
The case was closed without too much trouble since the school district really didn't have a leg to stand on. Our lawyer sent them a letter politely informing them that my parents had chosen to educate their children elsewhere and had never authorized my enrollment.
Respectfully...mind your own business.
We never heard from them again.
Anonymity Does Not Exist For Parents
The danger of being reported to authorities and taken from my parents became not only real that day, but looming. Because I lost the illusion of anonymity.
We all have that illusion to some extent, the feeling that no one knows us and we live in a safe little bubble that's free from prying eyes as long as we don't do anything bad. We're innocent, so we don't expect to be seen as guilty.
But that bubble is an illusion.
You never know when you might end up on someone's blacklist for some reason you'd never even think of. There are people everywhere who feel a proprietary interest in *your* children and who think their philosophy is better than yours: and your children would be better off if they intervened.
Nice People Can Report You
On the strength of my being absent from school without my parents ever enrolling me, the truant officer felt perfectly justified interrogating our neighbors.
How much more justified would a CPS worker have felt with an actual complaint in hand?
Image Source
You are surrounded by people known as "mandatory reporters", people whose jobs may depend on reporting anything they think might even be a hint of abuse. And that's not counting folks who are just plain busybodies. Given the vastly different ideas people have on how children should be raised, this is a terrifying reality.
A definition of "mandatory reporter" from Wikipedia:
"In many parts of the western world, mandated reporters are people who have regular contact with vulnerable people and are therefore legally required to ensure a report is made when abuse is observed or suspected."
Legally required.
No abuse has to be observed to report you. Someone just has to have a difference of opinion with you.
You just don't know when someone is going to decide you need to be examined. How about the clerk at the grocery store who didn't like that you spoke firmly to your child? Or the official in the local school district you've never even met who decides he wants to make an example of you because he doesn't like how unregulated homeschoolers are? Or a nurse in your friendly pediatrician's office who's appalled when you don't vaccinate your children? A ballet instructor who doesn't like that you don't dress your children the way the other mothers do?
These are all well-meaning but clueless people who honestly think Child "Protective" Services is a friend to healthy families and if you have nothing to hide, then it won't be a problem if they report you.
Your relationship with these people can always count; but there are times - like during my childhood - where someone can report you after having no relationship with you whatsoever.
On Guard
My guard is still up today, almost 30 years later. I don't tell people about parenting decisions we make about sensitive subjects like education, healthcare, behavioral teaching or other personal things. It looks paranoid to my friends and family who've never experienced this threat and don't know how fragile the bubble of anonymity really is.
I don't believe in the idea that "if you're not doing wrong, you have nothing to hide and no one can do anything to you."
It was by the grace of God that I had only such a tiny whisper of trouble growing up. I took it as a serious warning then and haven't forgotten now. Many governmental institutions and systems are potential threats waiting to take my children. There are plenty of good decent people involved, but plenty of dangerously ignorant ones and even more dangerously power-hungry ones who see their position as advocating for my children against me. They can't be allowed to get a foothold in our life. Not even a little one.
Lesson Learned
Be careful out there, parents. Remember there are always people watching. Remember there are people who always think they can raise your kids better than you. Remember that things can happen without you knowing about it, like a school official you've never met or spoken to who might decide you need to answer to them about how you're raising your child. Pray for safety. Don't give information that doesn't need to be given.
Because you aren't anonymous.
And neither am I. Not even in this forum. And one of the worst things that could ever happen to me would be separating me from my children.
This post has been Resteemed and Upvoted by @familyprotection
are using "Child Protection Agencies"
to take children away from loving families
and place them in foster care or group homes
or put up for adoption.
THESE FAMILIES NEED PROTECTING.
Thank-you @lturner for supporting @familyprotection.
Amen. Thank you so much and you're welcome! I've been very pleased to see the activity this subject is getting, even though it's terrifying and heartbreaking to read some of the stories.
Nice approach
This is as almost as a big of an issue as choosing not to vaccinate your children. I mean you can't even make a decision on what should be put in your and your children's bodies it makes you think twice if we are truly free. Even though many people had sideeffects.
It makes you think twice about things. Today's education only teaches children how to memorize and not how to critically think for themselves and make their own conclusions. Plus a lot of information I have been taught in schools is now incorrect and outdated. It sure makes you think how much information which is taught today is going to be proven wrong in the future. Even the history books are one-sided written.
As a college graduate, I had to take classes which had no connection whatsoever with my major. Useless information which I memorized just to pass a class and which I forgot a week later.
To make a long story short I admire your mom for having guts to homeschool you and your sister. Especially in those times. When I have kids I am thinking of doing the same thing. And, you are absolutely right about people thinking they can do everything better than you, and trying to tell you how to live YOUR LIFE.
Great post. Enjoyed reading it. Have an amazing day. :)
Good for you already looking into vaccines and education. Most people just go with the rest of society and don't question anything. The pressure is intense when you have a child and want to make decisions that you think are best for YOUR child...but the government, doctors, teachers, friends, family think you're making the wrong decision. They will tell you over and over again what they think you should be doing (family and friends). It is so true about education too. My major in college was Spanish, but I had to take two years of French. Ah, it was torture!! ;) Well rounded education I guess. Great comment @awakentolife.
I have been doubting the education even when I was in high school and college, my friend.Somethings just did not sit right with me and it made no sense to me whatsoever. They say you can't be successful without a college degree. Then you go and read biographies of most of the billionaires in the world. Most of them don't even have high school diplomas. lol
I remember people saying to me exactly this. There is nothing wrong with vaccines. Look at me I am fine and I have been vaccinated. I literally see these people getting flue each time the flu season starts. It just makes no sense. And, you really can't argue with them. No matter how much proof you put in front of them, they will not believe it. It is incredible to me.
Basically anything today which is not "normal" today is always scrutinized and pressured by society. That is why we have kids today who don't think for themselves, don't ask questions, and are not challenged to make their own conclusions. :)
Yes, it is impossible to be successful without a college degree. ;) I think that is the common thought and all kids in high school are geared toward heading into college. It used to only be the smartest who went and now everyone is expected to go? Learning a trade is just as important - we all need plumbers, welders, construction workers!
Trade jobs are somehow always missing. And, in Croatia, I see people with college degrees working as waiters with dept from college to pay off. It is even more disappointing to invest so much time in getting that piece of paper and not getting a job nowhere in your profession.
People these days run away from labor jobs. lol It is one of the most honest ways to make an income. With your own two hands. :)
THank you for amazing conversation, my friend. Love to hear other people's opinions. :)
Thank you!
The thing that really makes me admire my parents is that by nature they are very quiet, peaceable, go-with-the-flow kind of people. For them to decide to keep us home and then have the courage and perseverance to never put us in is something that can only come from a deep conviction, because it certainly wasn't encouraged by family, friends or officials. It took many, many years for my grandparents to be reconciled to us being home.
They were pioneers. My mom was terrified and she still did it. I have no idea if I'd have as much courage as she did.
I can't even imagine the look they would get from people when they stepped out of something considered a must or "normal" at that time. I bet there was constant pressure on them from the society. The same things happen still today. If you are not doing something like everybody else is doing you better be sure you will be looked at like an "outacast". It is the sad truth about your society.
You parents were incredibly brave. That is something to be admired. Not an easy thing to do by any means. So hats of to your parents. :)
Oh yes, there was constant pressure. They had friends who used to ask us questions just to see if we were learning what we were supposed to. My mom had nightmares of people showing up at the door to test us and find out we were behind. Then an older friend - who homeschooled his children when it was actively illegal, not just a gray area - reminded her one day that if someone really wanted to go after us, it wouldn't matter how well we tested scholastically. She was able to relax more with the younger children; and there began to be more acceptance and even much better curriculum available.
Today homeschooling is a walk in the park compared to 30 years ago. But I do expect the climate to become hostile again as the social pendulum swings. It won't do to have children out of the system learning to think on their own. That will spoil the effect of near-total brainwashing being aimed at by those in charge of the school system today.
If you are at all able, it's worth the courage to keep your kids with you. I am overwhelmingly grateful to my parents for doing so.
I guess only time will tell. Either school system will change for the better and actually look to teach kids something or they are going to look for profit like most colleges do these days. There are some amazing teachers out there who challenge the "normal" education, but unfortunately very few. :)
I think a lot of people see right through the school system and probably starting to think the same way we do.
We will see what future will bring. Thank you for such a great conversation. Have an amazing day. :)
All in the name of protecting the kids... Who better than the parent.
The trouble is that the few bad parents are giving the government the license to take children from lots of other parents who completely do not deserve any such treatment. And because we hear the horror stories about the mom who kills her kids and stuffs them in a freezer (which is already illegal, by the way!), those situations are used as a bludgeon against anyone who objects to the rest of us being treated as potential deviant murderers.
Agree, the painting of all parents judged by those few shows the default in the system they have set up.
I'm so glad you're sharing your story, but it sends shivers down my spine. Like you, I have made a lot of very thoughtful and "unpopular" decisions concerning my children. Even in discussions with many of our family, we are rather vague when it comes to what we plan to do . We don't want others' input when it comes to the decisions that we have already wrestled with, prayed over, and firmly made.
It's shocking to think about how many stories similar to yours did not end so lightly.
It still sends shivers down mine too. I have a friend who had CPS called on her from someone completely across the country because the woman who called didn't like my friend's outspoken internet advice on child rearing. There was a complete investigation into my friend including interviews of their youngest children. All on the anonymous tip from someone who never had seen her or her children EVER.
It is wise of you to stay vague. It keeps family relationships from getting strained at times (we had some family blowups before my parents learned this when I was young) and just keeps everyone out of your business.
I'm thankful everyday that in my case, all we had was that little whisper of warning. I'm also forever grateful to my parents for having the courage to keep us home. It took courage back then. I suspect it's going to take courage again since every year there are attempts to re-regulate homeschoolers, make vaccines mandatory, and step in on a host of other parental rights. Whether you choose these paths or not, a person should be concerned when other people aren't allowed to make those choices for their children.
May you stay safe in the decisions you lovingly and rightfully make for your kids.
family is everything for us, guard them by growing together and sharing for them :)
@originalworks
I love you too. :-))
The @OriginalWorks bot has determined this post by @lturner to be original material and upvoted it!
To call @OriginalWorks, simply reply to any post with @originalworks or !originalworks in your message!
Thank you for this post. Yes, I completely agree with it that we are not anonymous, even on Steemit. I have various friends and family who I don't discuss certain topics with because I already know that we have a difference of opinion. This "And one of the worst things that could ever happen to me would be separating me from my children." is me as well. I can't imagine. I used to be a mandatory reporter. I remember going to inservice and being told, as a public school teacher, that if I suspected abuse, heard about it, was told by a student, etc. and did not call CPS to report it (not tell a principal, but go straight to CPS) that I would lose my job. It really is crazy. A call like that would definitely ruin multiple lives. Thanks for putting this together and I'm glad things went as easily as they did for you back then!
I've heard this before and it gives me some sympathy for the people who do make those terribly destructive reports. So many console themselves with the thought of, "I know I had to make this report, but if nothing is really going on then no harm will be done."
Wrong. I remember having many conversations with my Nana, a retired nurse, about this. She was firmly convinced that CPS reports were completely harmless if the family wasn't hiding anything.
You're welcome and so am I!
Yes, it is hard to rationalize to yourself that you had to make this call (I never had to make one) but that it will be okay if they really aren't bad people. I do, however, have a friend who had CPS called on her special needs son by the teacher (who was trying to get even because my friend called the principal about the teacher possibly being abusive to her son). Anyway, CPS showed up, she let them in, interviewed them and the kids, etc. CPS said nothing was going on at home or at school and the case was closed. Granted, they are now in the system and have a file on the kids, but that was last year and they have had no calls or visits from CPS. I told her she was crazy for letting them in and trusting them ("they were so nice, I could just talk to them about whatever." - "you're crazy!! That's what they want is for you to just keep talking!") I just want people to wake up and see how this shouldn't be happening.
Having a special needs kid is a whole new ball park in this regard, too. My littlest brother has Down's and it has been a new realm of caution because no matter how old he gets, people always have their opinions on how he should be raised and treated. My mom has been really careful about making sure he is at every doctor's appointment, for instance, to make sure she has official record that he's been examined and she's followed medical advice because he's someone who could be reported on indefinitely. What a mess!
And the whole vindictive reporting...yikes. I don't even want to get started on that, other than to observe that one thing which can really make a family vulnerable is a divorce. Or children born outside of marriage. It seems to create a rift that is exploited at every opportunity. And you have conflict within the family, disgruntled in-laws, all kinds of messy stuff; and sometimes kids report on their parents just to get back at them for something they're mad about. The whole system is one giant mess.
Yes, my friend's son had a bad diaper rash. She thought the school was abusing him, they blamed the parents. It was kind of crazy, so it's good that he has a different teacher this year at a new school. When we were planning to move to Panama, I was afraid my family/friends would make a call because they did not agree with our decision. I'm sure there are families out there who would do that. I did not feel relief until we were actually in Panama.
Congratulations! This post has been chosen as one of the daily Whistle Stops for The STEEM Engine!
You can see your post's place along the track here: The Daily Whistle Stops, Issue #8 (1/5/18)
The STEEM Engine is an initiative dedicated to promoting meaningful engagement across Steemit. Find out more about us and join us today!
Thanks @thesteemengine ! I absolutely appreciate the promoting and am glad to see the engine pulling so strongly out of the station!
Excellent post. I am a big fan of homeschooling. I agree with you that the schools care more about the headcount for the purposes of funding than making sure students get a quality education. In fact, I would argue that most public schools have become little more than communist indoctrination centers that continue to push the liberal/progressive/communist agenda. So have many colleges. Free thought and free speech is discouraged and in its place political correctness and memorization of of liberal talking points of fake science like "Global warming" - oh wait, forgot they had to change the term to "Climate change" so they can flip flop more easily when reality doesn't match their erroneous predictions. Some day the world will end, but its more like to a nuclear war, the sun burning out, or the earth being hit by an asteroid or other space debris than grandpa heating his home with wood or coal.
To be fair, I am just guessing at the roster padding motive...but it sure seems to fit with the generally recognized pattern of public school official behavior and it's interesting that right after that there was suddenly this big fuss about kids physically being present on counting day.
Colleges are just a cesspool. They are places meant to inculcate, not to educate.
Personally, I find it amazing how we're constantly being fed the idea that we are meaningless specks of matter in the universe, but we're powerful enough to destroy our entire ecosystem just by living. Talk about a contradictory message!
This is why many have come to consider liberalism a mental disorder. Their stances on issues are often complete contradictions to their avowed stances on other issues. No logical, thinking, and sane person could justify the amount of mental twisting and turning that has to be done for a liberals to rationalize many of their views.
Thank you for posting this story. People are often questioning about decisions around my children and grandchildren. I don't give out information freely. I tell them that I value my privacy and that of my family so we don't discuss certain things out side our family and home. People think that is strange, so be it.
I know some family members think I'm paranoid when I tell them there are just certain decisions I don't want to tell to all the neighbors and the email list and the extended family and so on and so forth. The blank response is usually, "Well, you're not doing anything wrong - why would it be a problem?"
I always say, "I don't know, but I'd prefer not to find out."
I whole heartedly agree with you! It's so sad to me. One of my biggest fears is that happening. When you don't live the way the world expects you to, unfortunately you have risk that go with it. I try to get @dwells to be cautious with his words online because of the situation with your friend. There have been plenty who have done nothing wrong and still lost their children. Why? Because we don't live the way they want us to.
Right, and if we don't stand in line we are big, huge targets. That's why I pray every night to be protected from evil and harm; and I know God is good. If someone ever does show up at our door, God is still good. But I beg for him to spare us that challenge.
This was very well written @lturner! Thank you for sharing a little bit of what you experienced growing up as a homeschooler. I can imagine how frightening that was, the thought of knowing someone could take you away from your parents. Now as a mother I know it is even more real and scary for you.
Another confirmation that we have to be careful and mindful who we talk to and let into our lives. Someone is definitely always watching and waiting for slip ups. I too can’t imagine my precious babies being taken away from me, not sure I could ever live through that. Thank you again for sharing your story and for spreading the message of how it could happen to anyone.
Thank you and you're welcome! I appreciate you speaking up as well, since this is obviously something near and dear to your heart. I was just thinking of you today because I was looking at the mostly-finished afghan I'm working on; and then it was interesting that you posted the HSLDA story about the same time I was posting.
I was scared of CPS as a kid, for sure. But I wonder now if that wasn't a very useful thing to us. Perhaps that caution and awareness will help protect our children today with a CPS organization which is 30 years of practice stronger and more willing to take kids. I actually know someone now whose job for many years was counseling former drug addicts who'd lost their kids and helping them do what they needed to in order to get their kids back. She's a feisty person and I for sure would be calling her up right away for advice if we ever had any trouble.
Yes this is very dear to my heart. I know that because of the way my family operates and what we stand for we could be easy targets for such harassment. Oh wow you should totally post about he afghan you are working in for oirn#NeedleworkMonday’s!!! I’d love to have share with us :)
Yes they are definitely more stronger and more organized today I’m for sure. I could imagine how scary they were to you as a child. It’s always good to have a reliable contact in case of trouble.
We're going to start standing out soon as well, if just for the growing number of our children - we now get approached a lot in the grocery store by people noticing how many children we have and that never used to happen. Right now it's very positive, like that 86 year old lady who stopped me last week to tell me enthusiastically about how she had 7 children in 10 years and how much she loved them and missed the days of them being small now that her house is so quiet. But I always am trying to minimize how much we stand out just to keep from being flagged in any way.
Here's the question on the afghan...should I post about it in progress or should I wait until it's finished? I am short ONE BALL of yarn and had to order it pretty expensively because the color isn't being made any more, so I probably won't be able to completely finish until the end of January. In the meantime, I'm all set to start on another I want to make as a gift. It might be fun to do a "starting out" post!
I’m so sorry I’m just now being able to respond to this. I’m glad you ended up posting about your Afghan! We love seeing work in progress. Trust me us crafters know we all may have several jobs we are working on and most are incomplete. It’s always fun seeing the process of a project and then seeing the finished product later on.
Yes same here. We are really starting to stand out and we really will when baby #5 is born. We do get some positive comments but then you have those that try to be secretly nosey. If anyone ever tried to say my kids are not getting educated I have all of the documents and work to prove otherwise. On top of that it is nice to be backed up by the HSLDA lawyers.
They would like you to think it takes a village to raise a child and that everyone is your concerned partner...everyone is your parent. They would like you to think together we will raise your family. Parental responsibilities have been voluntarily and against your will delegated out to the village people of your community. Remaining anonymous is harder and harder to do. Sad to say. There is an effort out there to discourage independence and encourage dependence on the system and even addiction to the system. Then you are hooked and manageable to control. Sad our world has come to this. Thanks for the story and perspective.
You're welcome; and if there ever is a phrase to despise, it's "it takes a village".
No. It takes a family - a mother and father. If things are going well, grandparents and extended family are there to support and protect, but ultimately those children were given a mother and father for a reason...not a village.
Our kids don't belong to the Village, no matter what the Mayor thinks.
You're welcome and thanks for commenting!
I attended public school from kindergarten til the third quarter of my freshman year. We lived in a small northern Michigan town. The town had 300 ppl in it, the K-12 school had 400 kids because they pulled in kids from all the little surrounding towns. Our school district was bigger than the state of Rhode Island. We were Christian's and we were outspoken about it. I got bullied alot for being the smart, chubby, Christian kid. My little sister had an incident where a kid threatened to cut her nose off with a pair of scissors. She stood her ground and her and the other kid both got in trouble. My sister never should have been in trouble for standing up for herself. After that my parents pulled us out for a "family emergency leave of absence" or something like that. We prayed as a family for 2 weeks on whether or not we should homeschool. Both my parents and my sister felt like God told them yes. I heard God tell me "Be the ones." I had no idea what that meant but I told them what I heard. They took it as a yes, so after that we never went back. We were the first family to pull their kids out of that school and homeschool. Over the next 2 years 20 families ended up pulling their kids out of that school and going the home school route. Then we knew what "Be the ones" meant. We need to be the ones to take a stand and say enough is enough we won't tolerate this any longer.
One funny story, my mom was a substitute lunch lady at that school while we homeschooled. One day, I don't remember why, when she had to work, she took us with her, and we sat on the back steps of the school kitchen with our books and did school. Well the superintendent drove by and saw us and then went to my mom and told her we couldn't be there. So my sister and I had to walk the 3 miles back home in the middle of the day. It wasn't long after that the school no longer needed my mom as a substitute lunch lady.
Wow, @dwells. That is quite a story. TWENTY families?!!! Good for you!
No wonder you like to be the Ninja of Steemit. ;-)
This post has been upvoted and resteemed by @thethreehugs
Thank you!
You are most welcome!
Governments around the world should be dealing with this kind of violations aggressively.
I think governments have a big responsibility over this,, and there should be lots of procedures taken into account
The government does not own people or their children. Parents have a right to home school their children and most home schooled children far exceed performance on standardized tests and have far better manners and social skills than those forced into the government indoctrination centers known as public schools.
I think the trouble is that the governments are ultimately in charge of the violations. It's possible that laws could be adjusted to keep from overstepping, but ultimately governments make laws and don't erase them again.
great post
thanks for sharing
great information @iturner
family protection is depend upon the government of country
amazing article is very informative of all the readers.
Sadly, it is the government itself who is doing the terrorizing. Government needs to STAY OUT of the child protection business. They've proved themselves harmful, inept and autocratic in every country where a protective service agency exists. Because ultimately what happens is that "authorities" think they and their ideas are better for the children in the country than the ideas and will of the childrens' parents. There may be some bad parents out there, but not enough to generate the draconian interventions that we see in place today.
@Iturner yahhh, you are also right...
Very good post thanks :)
It is very informative I like this and also your work I follow you and hope you also do good for me thanks
I can not leave whithout expressing my appreciation to the poster .
Very clever move with this post . Bright way of presenting things and really fluent . Images ties up really good with the content .
Just perfect for a good article .
Keep on doing what you really like .