My friend Tom did die last year. I appreciate your kind words. Another friend very dear to me, a man that saved my life some years ago, has died. I know you also offer your condolences over his passing, and I am grateful for that kindness.
You are surely not alone, my friend. Consider your feelings and the likelihood that many, many others also share them. The laws that have victimized you have victimized others. You are lonely because you have not sought friends and allies from amongst your peers. Clearly you are right to not do so incautiously. You are in great danger, and must be extremely careful to guard your life and freedom.
But you must not allow yourself to face your enemies alone. You will not be able to guard your own back alone. Also, your allies need your help to guard their backs. When trouble comes, and sooner or later it comes, men with friends and allies have a much better chance of coming through it safe and well than them alone. In the Bosnian war it was said by survivors that no matter how well prepared, men who tried to make it alone did not. I was told that the single most relevant factor affecting survival was having a large family that could stand watches and sleep in shifts, designate tasks to those better at them, and fire more bullets downrange when attacked.
As carefully as you must, you need to find people like yourself, that themselves need allies and friends, and ally and befriend them, for your safety.