Well I had actually had the wild thought to do this at one point, but now that you've done it with this amazingly detailed story, I guess I won't try to top it.
I gotta say, I wasn't expecting a coherent story and thought that maybe you'd lost your mind, but this is good! Funny and WEIRD... but good!
Great freewrite :)
thank you :) it was really difficult to fit it all into one, but I'm glad I managed to do that :)