First off, this is beautiful. I like the imagery that it invokes, of a longing for past things that aren't really present or future things because how could they be? Or letting ourselves be the main character even though who else would we be?
Very nice.
Since I am a 'Word Man', but am not and sadly never will be Portuguese or Brazilian, I've been hunting down definitions saudade. This one is what pops up on Google:
a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia that is supposedly characteristic of the Portuguese or Brazilian temperament.
and this comes from a quote by Manuel de Melo:
a pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy
I wonder at both definitions. What is so melancholy or nostalgic about being either Portuguese or Brazilian? And why would anyone suffer with a pleasure, or enjoy an ailment?
I can think of times where I wallowed in self-pity, and prolonged it way more than I really needed to because I wanted to feel it more. I can't say that I particularly enjoyed it, though. It was more a "don't deserve punishment" or whatever negative thing happened, so I'm just going to feel sorry for myself for a while.
But I don't know if that describes this. It seems more like something fated, something that can't be escaped, no matter what. It is who you are and what you will always be.
Or maybe it's more about potential unobtainable, or a feeling that there's more to life than what's within the grasp.
Not sure if I like any of that, but I completely understand how easy it would be to feel any of those things.
Am I even close with any of this? If not, I would like to understand. :)
It's so nice that you looked the word up on google, I appreciate that! Hmm.. I'm not sure what's so melancholic about being Portuguese/Brazilian. We have a lot of authors that talk about this feeling and we grow up reading, learning and listening about it so it's part of the culture. It might be in our blood, too! Who knows hah
There's a Portuguese song called "Desfado" by Ana Moura that talks about how inconsistent we can be, it says 'I have saudades of having saudades' (what??) So yeah, it doesn't make sense but it doesn't need to! I don't think there's a right or wrong way of defining it, each person has his/her own ways of feeling it. And that's ok! We perceive things diferently.
I'm not sure if it has to do with feeling sorry for yourself, at least in my point of view. I think it's more accepting/embracing the melancholy instead of hiding it. There's something magical about it. I don't know, haha Not sure if I'm making sense!!
Anyways, thank you @glenalbrethsen so much for your comment & reflexion !!! :)